Sugarhigh
by Unicornglitterpants
Summary: She had a lot of quirks. Happy Lowman was one of them. Happy/OC. Rated M for smut and violence.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own anything. All the characters belong to Kurt Sutter. I'm just playing with his toys.**

 **Okay, I have no idea where this story came from. It popped into my head and wouldn't leave. I've already got about seven more chapters written, so depending on the reaction, I'll post the rest. I don't think I want to post a story that no one's reading. I'm not saying I want a hundred reviews by X date or I'll delete it. I'd be happy with one. If one person's reading, I'll post it for that person.**

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1\. Weird

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They had lost a lot to go legit. The clubhouse was still being rebuilt and Wendy had sold them the property on the cheap. They didn't know what she'd done with the house, but it was all over and done with and things were quiet. It was strange for him, living a mundane existence where there weren't shots being popped off or retaliation needing to be dealt. He missed it, but he liked that he didn't have to worry about getting locked up anymore. Diosa Norte and Red Woody made him enough money on top of the shop that he didn't need to worry about money as much as he thought he would. It was just the boredom and the quiet that was a nuisance. So he spent all his time fixing cars and building bikes and watching life in Charming by at an agonizing pace. And he wondered idly if it was time to go Nomad.

Venus Van Dam handled the paperwork in the office and she was good at it. She was also miles friendlier than Gemma and they had a lot of repeat customers that he attributed to her. Things seemed much less dramatic now that she was here. And cleaner. And more organized. He was surprised by how much that had reduced his stress level. And because of Venus, Tig had stepped up and work got done on time and there was an actual schedule. Tig liked to bitch about giving him overtime and he just scowled and went back to work as if it hadn't happened. Happy was one of their more reliable and talented mechanics, he didn't worry about not getting overtime. Besides, Tig spent most of his time dealing with the business side of Diosa. Sure, Lyla and Venus made sure that the girls were happy and that customers were getting what they wanted, but Tig made sure they weren't getting roughed up and he actually took the time to talk to the girls like they were people now instead of just a bunch of pussy.

Chibs spent a lot of time going between Red Woody and Diosa Norte with Alvarez. That was a friendship he had never expected. The pair weren't going to go golfing on the weekends, but sometimes Alvarez asked about things like Kerrianne's desire to come stateside for college and he realized that the two weren't just doing business anymore. And then one day Alvarez asked how Lyla and the kids were and he figured it was probably time he actually started paying attention more. Chibs bagging Opie's Old Lady was something he would not have seen coming in a million years. He had to wonder how that went down. But Chibs never talked about it and nobody ever asked.

It wasn't that he gave a particular shit about their personal lives. Rat and his Old Lady had broken up and made up so many times he just assumed they were "off" until the fucker finally slapped a crow on her ass. Quinn and Montez...well, he didn't give a shit what they did. Chuck was still Chuck. Everything just kept going after Jax died. It just went at a snail's pace. A really slow, half dead snail's pace.

He hadn't killed anyone in months. It made him antsy. And that always made him the feel the intense urge to clean something. As a consequence of the slow pace of smalltown life finally overtaking their MC business as well, Happy and most of the other guys spent their time downtown on the strip watching cars pass while they sat at the bar or in the booths watching Chuck dish out ice cream cones and sundaes to the locals who had grown brave enough to enter. He'd built up a nice little clientele. Brooke was always nearby to help and it was because of her that for awhile they'd had a small posse of rebellious skateboarding teenagers who'd needed to be put in their place when the third one had grabbed her ass. Rat had snapped the boy's finger at the local skate park when they rolled up to them one night before family dinner.

But the most noticeable patron at Scoops was a dog. A big, ugly, overly friendly dog that always showed up around lunch and didn't leave the front of the shop until late afternoon. Tig had been the first to notice and had asked about it while they all eyed it warily until Brooke had taken a large dish of vanilla soft-serve out to it and scratched it behind the ears as it made short work of the ice cream. After the novelty of the sight wore on for about a week, the other brothers stopped being so amused by it and went back to hitting on the MILFs that dared enter the shop while they were there.

The MILFS enjoyed the attention, he knew that. Hell, he'd fucked one while her kids were at soccer practice just last Thursday. Hearing her scream and moan like she'd never been so thoroughly fucked while he could hear birds chirping and people mowing their lawns while some fucking talk show droned on in the living room was new and a nice change of pace. He fucked her dirty on the kitchen floor again the next day and then after that, it was like it never happened. That was another new thing he kind of liked; women who didn't cling to him after they did the deed. Charming MILFs took it for the fuck it was and left it at that. Sure, they smirked at you when you passed them on the street, but that was it. It was like "Fight Club"-you didn't mention that shit.

But the dog, that was different. Happy kept a semi-close eye on it. It always disappeared around the same time every day, like it followed a damn schedule. He'd just get up from his spot by the door and saunter back up the street and they wouldn't see him again until the following day. He never showed up on weekends, either.

"Where do you think he goes," Chuck asked. Happy didn't even bother to look at him. "The fuck should I know?" And that was the end of it.

And it was suddenly out of sight and out of mind for him for the next five weeks as he buried himself in work at Teller-Morrow. He'd gotten tired of the MILFs quicker than expected and realized it was because he'd tapped most of them. He'd seen a couple of bitches argue out on the street like they were in the parking lot behind the gym back in high school and those types of fights only happened when the bitches were fighting over a guy. And unlike the crow-eaters he fucked, he was always glaringly sober when he fucked MILFs. And he'd always fucked both of them. Putting two and two together wasn't hard. They'd figured out they were all tossing their dick-sucking smirks at the same guy.

So, there he was at Teller-Morrow, working an honest living for the first time in his life and hating every moment of it.

He became vaguely aware of a car door closing somewhere in the parking lot followed by the click of Venus' heels on concrete as she came out of the office while fanning herself with a clipboard. Tig came to stand next to her as he wiped grease of his hands. Tig was strangely protective of Venus in a way that he was only ever protective of his one remaining daughter and he doted on her in the most pussy-whipped way Happy had ever seen. But they made sense and he could dig that. Plus, Venus had a flowery way of speaking that was always very calming and motherly and that seemed like something Tig needed.

So Tig coming to back Venus up when new customers arrived was not something new. "Happy," Tig called, jerking his head for his brother to join him. Happy wiped his hands off and stood, stomping over.

The girl approaching him looked nothing short of average. Her tits were smallish and the skin showing was her arms and her toes as they peaked out under her ripped up jeans. Her clothing was plain. A dark blue-form fitting tee-shirt that didn't even reveal a hint of cleavage. She had long legs, which was a point in her favor, but she was so painfully skinny and tall. And she had what Rat's Old Lady (former?) liked to call "resting bitchface" as she walked toward them confidently. Her dark hair had kind of a reddish tint to it that was different.

She stopped a couple feet in front of them and smiled at Venus then jerked her thumb over her shoulder. "My car is leaking a shit ton of oil. I don't know if it was yesterday or not, but I'm pretty sure that's a bad thing."

"That would definitely be a bad thing," Tig agreed, eying her up and down like he didn't know what to make of her. It was the first time someone hadn't outwardly ogled Venus like she was some oddity in a freak show.

"Well, you have come to the right place," Venus assured her, giving the girl one of her demure smiles, "My guys will fix your car up in no time."

The girl's shoulders sagged in relief. "Oh, good. Because I love my car. Like _really_ love my car. Whatever you have to do, just do it."

"Well, honey, I'm Venus Van Dam," Venus held out her hand and the girl took it without batting an eye. Tig, who had his arms crossed and his head tilted to the side, gave her a tight wave. "Tig Trager."

He gave her a tight nod of the head. "Happy Lowman."

And without batting her eyes or missing a beat as she stared at him just as impassively, "Holly Graham."

And there was silence as the four of them stood there. _Holly Graham_. _Like "hologram"_. _Jesus. Fucking. **Christ**_. And it was clear by the expression on her face that she knew that that was what they were all thinking. But nobody dared mention it. It was a weird name. Like any of them had room to talk.

Venus' smile widened. "Why don't we go start on the paperwork for your car," she asked as she ushered the girl inside. When Tig told him to go pull the car around, she stopped in the doorway. "My dog is in the car."

"We can watch him," Tig offered with a shrug and she shook her head. "No, he won't stay with you. I have to bring him with me. He's not comfortable when I go places without him. Is that okay?"

Tig traded a look with him and then shrugged. She let out a shrill whistle and large black dog muscle its way out of the driver-side window and darted toward them at break-neck speed. He and Tig took an involuntary step back as he came closer. It was dog from Scoops and Happy felt himself involuntarily raise an eyebrow.

The giant dog skidded to a halt before its master and gazed up at her with its ears perked and its tail thumping hard on the concrete. The mutt was huge, with salt and pepper, wiry fur and a long jagged scar over its left eye. It was clear to see it had lost its eyesight in that one eye as the pupil was clouded over. She pointed to a spot next to the door. "Lay down. Stay." He did as he was told immediately and she scratched him behind the ears. "Good boy, Sully, that's my good boy."

His tail thumped even louder and all Happy could do was stare. The girl was weird. He could just feel it. Tig gave him a look as if to say he knew exactly what Happy was thinking before Happy went to go look her car over. When he came back thirty minutes later. Venus was talking animatedly with the redhead.

"Venus," he said gruffly to get her attention and the two women looked up at him. He held his hand out for the clipboard and Venus handed it to him without a word. But she was looking at him oddly, like she was considering something that she really shouldn't be. Holly just watched him take the clipboard with the same blank look she'd been giving him since she'd arrived. Like she couldn't give two shits whether he was there or somewhere else. It bothered him how much he could relate to that. He didn't give two shits either.

She tilted her head at him and looked him over again like she'd just figured something out and she was trying to come to terms with it and then she fucking _smirked_ at him like it was the funniest thing in the world. Fucking smirked. He took the clipboard and stalked away, very keen on getting back to work. He looked down at the dog in the doorway as he stomped by and then at the last second went back into the garage where he filled a paper cup with water and then returned to the dog posted by the office door. Ignoring the women openly staring at him, he crouched down and held the cup out. He watched as the dog greedily lapped up the water and then he crushed the cup once it was done and went back to work. Happy liked dogs.

Venus had their new Prospect, Jimmy, take her home in the rig. Holly let her dog climb in first and Happy had to admit, it was a smart move. She didn't know Jimmy and Jimmy definitely liked to get handsy if he could get away with it. A fierce looking dog like that would keep him in check. Unless he was really just _that_ stupid. Happy was still trying to decide if he wanted to vote the dumbfuck in. But every single second he had to spend around the little fuckwit just inched him that much closer to "no".

The girl's cage was a complete mess. Whoever it was that had sold it to her had fucked her over royally and both Tig and Chibs had tried in vain to persuade her to sell it for scrap and just get a new one because it was that fargone. But she refused. She was adamant that they fix it. It had a name. Paul. And she loved him. So much so that when Chib's had kicked the tire- nudged it, really- and called it a piece of "shite", she had all but screeched at him "Paul is a nice man!" That Holly chick was fucking _weird_.

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Holly Graham knew she was different. Her named alone screamed it at people when she introduced herself. It was one of the things that kept her so aloof, people tended not to give you shit if you didn't care and you pretty much dismissed them when they tried to toss it your way right off the bat.

But pulling into Teller-Morrow had been a breath of fresh air. Venus Van Dam, Tig Trager, Happy Lowman. These were her people. Well, except for Happy Lowman. That man seemed like a douchebag. But Venus and Tig had taken to her immediately and once Venus found out that she lived next door, she was invited to dinner and numbers were exchanged and then she was introduced to Chibs, another man with a strange name, who subsequently introduced her to the woman he was dating, Lyla, who happened to be a former pornstar that was now a producer and director of porn for Red Woody Studios.

Suddenly, life was surreal and wonderful and a lot less monotonous. She had new friends who seemed to really give a shit. Hell, sometimes while she was outside gardening and letting Sully run around the yard like an over-eager puppy, Tig Trager would wander over and make small talk about everything from the always sunny weather all the way up to politics. He even seemed to take a keen interest in her schooling. He even told her about his daughters, Fawn and Dawn. But it didn't escape her notice that when he talked about the latter, he always used the past tense and she knew instinctively that something awful had happened.

Usually, by the end of their talks, he would drag her over to his house and she would end up decked out in an outfit with way too much sequins and feathers and Venus would make her let Venus give her a manicure since she insisted that a lady should always have hands "smoother than the finest silk." And then she'd pawn off some new haircare and skincare products she had bought on some shopping spree that made Tig moan and groan when he found out.

And now that she knew Lyla, she was spending more time with Chibs as well. He didn't show any interest in getting to know her farther than the usual small talk a man usually makes with his girlfriend's friend and she was fine with that. She wasn't really much for talking anyway. Venus, Tig, and Lyla did most of the talking when she was with them and she spent most of her time quietly absorbing everything it was they told her. The three of them talked a lot. Sometimes when Lyla talked to her, Chibs would roll his eyes heavenward and Holly had to try really hard not to smile because Chibs seemed like the kind of guy who couldn't give two shits about anything a woman had to say about shopping or relationships or any number of things, but he always listened to her when she spoke and it didn't take her long to figure out that the president of the local MC was halfway in love with her in a very big way. She liked that; that they could find some good in all the crap they had gone through in the past was a nice thing.

She didn't really know much about the rest of the guys in the MC. Rat was pretty standoffish and it always looked like he was mentally sneering at her. Jimmy always looked like he was undressing her with his eyes and Happy...well, she couldn't get a read on him and she really didn't want to. He just seemed so angry with life in general and he seemed to give as much a shit about her as she gave about him, so she'd just approached that whole thing with a "live and let live" attitude.

And that seemed to work. If she saw him she simply gave him a look that she hoped conveyed she was acknowledging his presence and then went on her way. But he always seemed irritated by her presence. Like her very existence was upsetting to him. Lyla had described him as abrasive, but loyal and friendly once you got to know him. Holly wasn't convinced. Everything about him screamed "trouble". From the snake tattoo on his bald head to the stone cold look in his black eyes that seemed to see every single dirty and dark secret a person could be hiding from the world around them. It was best to stay away.

But he was _everywhere_. Whenever she had to drop by the shop because Venus or Tig had asked for a favor or because Lyla wanted to meet her there so they could carpool to go shopping, he was there. Sometimes, when Lyla had her come over to sit out on the back porch while she drank wine and bitched about the porn industry, he would be sitting at the kitchen table with Chibs, all angry black eyes and scowling fury while they talked about whatever the hell it was they did in their motorcycle club. A couple of times, he'd even been outside watching Tig grill when she'd been bullied by Venus to take a break from her homework and come eat with them. And she could tell by the way his whole body would tense and he became even more monosyllabic that he was just as displeased with their constant run ins as she was. She hadn't realized that having friends meant she would have to spend time with people she inherently disliked.

"Holly's gonna be a vet when she graduates," Tig bragged and Holly couldn't stop herself from smiling. It was nice to have someone brag about her again. Pop couldn't even remember who she was anymore. Not really.

The dark-skinned man across from them nodded in interest. "So how is it a nice girl like you gets wrapped up with crazy sonsabitches like this man?"

Nero, was one of Venus's closest friends. He'd done more for her than most people would ever do for another human being in their lifetime. He'd come to visit her for the first time in over a year and things were somewhat tense, Holly could see that the mood was lightening just by the way the man spoke with everyone. He spent the entire night ribbing everyone. Except Happy. Happy Lowman made Nero uneasy as well.

"My car broke down," she replied vaguely. "Me and Venus kind of bonded when I brought it in and now I'm stuck with all of them."

"Watch your mouth," Tig warned, though his sharp, blue eyes sparkled with mischief. She gave him a grin. Nero let out a chuckle as he wiped his hands on his napkin. "S'good to see everyone like this," he said with a nod, "sitting around, talking about things. Normal-like."

This was normal? What was abnormal? She must have looked as confused as she felt because Venus laughed at her and patted her hand. "Oh, Darlin', this is most certainly normal by our standards."

"So, Holly," Nero started as their laughter died down, "Your name. Holly Graham. It sounds like 'Hologram'."

"Nero," Venus chastised and Tig slapped his leg as if it were the funniest thing he had ever heard in his life. Holly cringed inwardly. She had only heard that a million times before. At the other end of the table, Happy, who had until then ignored everyone and everything around him in favor of the grilled Porterhouse on his plate narrowed his eyes at Nero and then swung his gaze over to meet hers and raised an eyebrow while he slumped down in his chair. It didn't take a rocket scientist to understand that he'd had more than a few questions about his own name, which was just as, if not more bizarre than her own and he clearly understood the dilemma that posed. Most people didn't and Happy Lowman wasn't like most people.. Happy Lowman was fucking _weird_.


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own anything. All the characters belong to Kurt Sutter. I'm just playing with his toys. Read, review, and enjoy.**

 **HEY! I got one Alert, that's enough for me! I'll keep it going simply for that alone. So, thanks Floraleona. I appreciate it. The first chapter wasn't much, more like a prologue to kind of set the tone for the rest of the story and it definitely wasn't that strong, but I'm glad that you liked it enough that you want to stick this story out, so here's the second chapter well before I planned to post it.**

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2\. Shift

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Quinn didn't talk much and focused on his work more than any other Son. Friday was Quinn's day off and the worst day to work for Happy because it meant he was stuck listening to Rat and Jimmy. Rat was usually quiet, but once he and Jimmy got together, it seemed his IQ dropped ninety points. It was almost lunch time and he couldn't take it. He was seriously thinking about leaving early as he leaned against the side of the clubhouse, where the building managed to provide just enough shade to escape the afternoon heat. He lit a cigarette and watched as a familiar black dog trotted up to him from somewhere on the lot. Holly was here. That explained the annoying conversation Rat and Jimmy had had. They'd seen her pull up while Happy was occupied.

"She looks like a Spider Monkey," Rat had commented and Jimmy burst out laughing while Happy found himself caught between frowning and smiling. She was extremely gangly. Painfully so. It was one of the very first things he had noticed about her.

"Yeah, but imagine having those long legs and arms wrapped around you in bed," Jimmy had argued, "Kinda hard thinking about it."

And on it went until Happy actually was thinking about it and realized there was a tiny bit of appeal. That was when he hit his limit and went off for his cigarette break in the shadow of the newly finished clubhouse. Sully had collapsed next to him, back pressed up against the wall and his head resting on Happy's thigh. Ever since he'd given the animal a cup of water, the damn thing loved him. And it listened to him when he told it to do things, unlike Cookie, Tig's giant white pit bull, who ran wild most days.

The door to the Clubhouse creaked open and two women sauntered out and perched on the picnic table facing the small play area that the club had built for Abel and Thomas when Jax was still alive. Chibs was standing watching Lyla's son and Opie's two kids run around like it was something he did every day. Shit, how serious was that? He looked over at the two women and couldn't keep from scowling. Now Lyla was hanging out with Holly. Fuck. _She was never going to leave_. That thought alone irritated him to no end. She didn't belong with them. The bitch was still in high school. What the fuck was she doing hanging out with a bunch of bikers and pornstars?

"I fucked Chibs," Lyla said out of the blue, breaking the silence between the two women. So, Chibs and Lyla weren't as much of a thing as he had thought. Still, it was something he hadn't expected. Her friend turned to look at her, assessing her demeanor. "How was it?"

Lyla shrugged. "It was good. Just...really awkward. Like, 'first time having sex in your boyfriend's car in high school' awkward."

"Oh, yeah, _that_ kind of awkward," Holly replied like she knew exactly what Lyla meant. She probably did since she was still in high school. Happy had no idea. Women reacted to sex differently from men. It was why he stuck to crow-eaters (fuck all those crazy MILF bitches). They were down for anything. _Anything_. "But it was good."

"Yeah."

Holly simply nodded in response and lit up a joint. Bitch was a toker. Who knew? Lyla sent her a sly look as Holly took a hit and then handed the joint over. "If you could sleep with any one of them, who would it be?"

Without missing a beat, the girl replied with a very certain, "Happy."

Lyla choked on the cloud of smoke she'd inhaled and Holly gave her a harsh pat on the back. "What the fuck, Holls? Are you serious?"

Holly merely shrugged, though she looked slightly amused by her friend's clearly shocked expression. She gave her a lopsided grin. "It's not gonna happen."

Lyla's surprise increased tenfold. He got that. He was pretty fucking floored himself. He and the bitch shared a mutual dislike, physical attraction notwithstanding. Happy could see the moment Holly closed off toward the former pornstar by the way she turned her body away slightly. "I don't do relationships. Or sex."

"You don't do sex?"

She was the weirdest chick _ever_. Happy scowled as he lit another cigarette. Why was he even listening to this shit anyway? Like he gave a shit about anything that gash had to say. And she was right about him and her never happening. If she wasn't a crow-eater, he wasn't interested. Fucking around with all those MILFs had taught him that much.

"It's one of those things I can live without," she amended. "I like sex, but it's not something I need. And I don't like sleeping around, but I don't want to be in a relationship either because the guys always want to talk about feelings-"

Lyla wheeled around on the picnic table and openly gawked at her. "Wait, you're saying, you don't like dating because the guys like to talk about their feelings?"

Holly blinked at her and frowned and it was obvious she didn't understand why Lyla was having a hard time grasping her logic. "Yes. And then they want to like, come over all the time and touch my stuff and make decisions about shit and then they start to treat you differently like you can't handle living without them and all I can think is 'What the hell do they think I was doing before I met you'. I don't get it. I don't need that shit. I don't want to have to constantly tell someone that I fucking love them every five minutes. It's weird. Besides, I like my life the way it is. I don't need someone fucking that up."

"That is the weirdest thing I have ever heard come out of someone's mouth," Lyla declared, eying her. "Maybe you _should_ fuck Happy. Just know that I heard from a couple crow eaters he's not that great."

Happy snapped the cigarette he was smoking in half. Who the hell did those stupid, cum-guzzling cunts think they were? Talking about shit they didn't know. _Fucking crow-eaters_.

"Why is it bad? Get off too quick or something?" She sounded curious, which in turn made him curious.

"No, they said he's just really selfish."

He could practically hear Holly roll her eyes. "There's a big difference between being bad in bed and being selfish. And what do they expect anyway? They're crow-eaters. It's their fucking job to take what he gives them and be happy they even got that much. See this is exactly why I just stay out of all that. Too much fucking trouble."

"Some people would say being bad in bed and being selfish are the same thing," Lyla argued and Holly shook her head. "To each her own. Besides, it doesn't matter. I'm not gonna fuck him. I'm not interested."

"Then why did you say-"

"Because you asked who I would fuck and I answered." She gave Lyla a look. Lyla shoulders sagged as she deflated slightly. "Well, this is just...disappointing."

"I thought you had to go to school today," Lyla said suddenly. "It was a half day. I'm going to go visit Pop later."

Happy tuned them out and watched the giant mutt snooze beside him. There was only one thing he liked about that bitch and it was her dog.

"But _seriously_ ," Lyla moaned as if she couldn't keep it in any longer. " _Happy?! Why_?"

Holly slowly blew out a large, thick cloud of smoke and gave her friend one of the slyest grins he'd ever seen, like the redhead was in on something nobody else in existence would ever get. She didn't reply, just kept on hitting that joint like a fucking pro while she continued to smirk.

Bitch was weirder than fuck.

* * *

People just didn't get it. Holly liked being self-sufficient and she'd always been that way. Being independent and on her own had just come naturally for her and she could take everything thrown at her in stride. Except relationships. They grated on her and suffocated her in a way she couldn't deal with. And people always gave her shit for it. So, it was easier to just not say anything, but Lyla was her friend and one of the first people she'd met in Charming that she actually liked besides Venus and Tig, which in itself was a depressing thought since she'd been living in Charming for almost four years. Everyone else was judgmental when she talked about anything or they treated her like she was some strange science experiment for refusing to talk about her personal life in the first place.

She didn't want to hide that from Lyla. And while Lyla had been shocked and prodded a little bit further than she liked, she hadn't brought up anything else. Just because she said she would sleep with Happy if she had to pick one of them didn't actually mean she was going to or that she necessarily wanted to. It was a hypothetical in the same, basic sense that all hypotheticals were hypothetical. And Lyla wasn't far enough in her relationship with Chibs to go and blab about something potentially embarrassing that could cause real complications. Besides, Holly was still in high school and even if she was fixing to graduate in a year, she wasn't looking to get herself into any legal drama even if the Sons had gone legit.

And Lyla seemed like she was more amused by Holly's "eccentricities" than silently outraged. It had piqued her curiosity and she'd begun to push to spend more time together, which had pleased Holly immensely. Now she had two girlfriends to hand out with who were just as "eccentric" as she was. The semi-asexual high school outsider, the demure pornstar, and the Southern Belle transwoman. Things were clicking into place in her life at an alarming rate.

The only aspect of her life that hadn't really fit well, was her job. Her coworker, Janet, was a volunteer looking to flesh out her college applications who was somehow under the assumption that they were friends even though she pretended not to be aware of Holly's existence during school hours. But the blonde was way too bubbly and chattered way too much. And she was convinced that Holly needed to find a man to fall desperately in love with. Janet's favorite movie was "Maid in Manhattan" and that said all Holly ever needed to know about her. Holly didn't have a favorite movie, but if she had, it definitely wouldn't be anything Jennifer Lopez starred in and would probably be something directed by Tarrantino.

Right now, Holly was busy filling out forms and trying to make sense of the filing system employed at the animal shelter she worked at. She was a high school senior for fucks' sake and there she was elbow deep in paperwork dating back five years. No wonder the turn over rate had been so high. None of the volunteers wanted to help fix things. They just wanted to be glorified puppy-petters. It was two and a half months since she had started working there and she was still trying to wade through that mess and move the shelter to a paperless filing system. She'd been the only paid employee who was computer literate enough to deal with it.

She fanned herself with a manila folder and leaned back in her desk chair groaning. She had only been at it for an hour and a half and she had just decided to take a break when the bell at the front desk dinged. A couple minutes later, another employee stuck his head through the open doorway. "Hey, Holly, there's someone up front asking for you," he said blandly, as he looked at her with a blank expression on his face. Greg Stanwick had started working at the shelter about a week after Holly and he was dull and boring and he kept mostly to himself. The only thing interesting about him was that he was a veterinarian. He hardly ever talked and because of that, Holly liked him just marginally better than Janet. Beside that, sometimes Holly forgot he was even in the room until he reminded her by finally saying something. But once he shut his mouth she was right back to forgetting he was even in the building let alone on the face of the Earth.

Holly stepped out of the office and smiled immediately when Lyla waved at her, shrugging sheepishly. "The kids finally talked me into getting them a dog."

The kids in question were bouncing up and down around her in excitement. She raised an eyebrow when she noticed a very displeased Happy behind them and smirked. "Chibs sent Happy to babysit you?"

Lyla flushed in embarrassment, her face turning a brilliant shade of puce that caused Holly's smirk to morph into a smile of amusement. "You guys are so cute I might projectile vomit."

"Shut up," Lyla whined lamely, but Holly could tell she was rather pleased. She was starting to realize just how much interest the Scotsman was showing her and Holly understood that that meant a lot to Lyla, who was enough of a romantic for the both of them. She shook her head. "Seriously. You guys disgust me. C'mon to the back and tell me, what you're looking for?"

"Something big, that likes children," Lyla replied quickly, "I don't want to deal with cleaning up after three kids and a puppy."

Holly felt relief shoot through her body at that as she led them toward the cages. "That's good. The puppies always go quick. It's the big ones we have trouble placing. They're not in their cute phases anymore and cute is what matters most to people in the long run, so it's nice to finally have someone come in who wants one of the older ones. And a lot of them would make really great family pets."

"No wonder you hate working Fridays," Lyla said softly as she looked through the cages at the dogs who quivered in excitement. She could feel her heart lodge in her chest as she realized that some of these dogs would never leave the shelter.

"What happens on Fridays," a raspy voice asked and Holly looked up in surprise. She'd completely forgotten Happy was even there. Her shoulders slumped and she couldn't stop the bitter frown that settled on her face. "That's the day we put down the ones who have been here too long. We can only keep them for a week at the most. I do what I can to keep them here as long as possible, but people don't donate enough and we don't get enough funding to turn this into a no kill-shelter."

His expression never changed, never faltered, but Holly still managed to catch the moment his jaw tensed and it was all she needed to know that this new information bothered him as much as it bothered her.

"Mom, look at this one," Piper hollered from near the end of the row. Holly didn't need to look to know which one the kids had crowded around. It was an Australian Shepard mix that always seemed to be smiling. He was one of the friendliest dogs in the shelter. She watched as the kids fawned over him, unable to stop from smiling. "He's up to date on all his shots, good temperament, very active, and he loves children. The owner had to go into assisted living and didn't have any family to take him."

Lyla slipped her hand through the chain-link separating herself from the dog and he lapped at her hand excitedly as she tried to pet his head. Noticing they were one group member short, Holly looked around. Happy was standing in the middle of the hall staring into one of the cage stalls with that calculating look her often got on his face when he was thinking particularly hard on something. She'd seen him do it a couple times while he looked her car over. Unable to stop herself, she came to stand beside him, smiling to herself when she noticed just which dog he seemed to be so interested in. The Rottweiler fell back on its haunches and smiled at her the way all dogs do as his tongue lolled out of his mouth.

"His name is Cheech," she told Happy, feeling the man rotate slightly to look at her. "You shittin' me?"

She shook her head and her smile widened. "Nope, his pothead owner brought him in to get him fixed and then never came back."

Holly stepped up to the fence and stuck her hand through and the large dog gently licked her hand in appreciation when she stroked his face and crouched down to get level with him. "He's my favorite," she admitted quietly, "out of all the ones that have come through. I'd take him home with me, but I don't have the room."

Silence settled between the pair and she glanced over at Lyla. The blonde was crouched down with her three children and they looked so happy. She had no doubt in her mind that they would be taking the Shepard with them.

"I want him," Happy said with finality and Holly jerked her head up to look at him, fully aware that her face was full of hope. "Really?"

He gave a tight nod and she couldn't stop from beaming. After Happy filled out the paperwork, he frowned down at the dog, looking suddenly cross. "Rode my bike here," he muttered and Holly frowned along with him for a millisecond before she thought up a viable solution. "I can keep him here and take him home with me. You can come pick him up later."

Happy studied her intently, as if he couldn't tell whether she was joking or not. "Fine. Where do you live?"

She gave him a funny look. He had to know she lived next door to Tig and Venus...right? When he continued to wait for her response, she frowned, feeling the barest bit offended. "I'm next door to Tig and Venus."

"That's your place," he asked, though she knew he wasn't expecting her to respond. He nodded once to himself, then started toward the exit. "Tell Lyla to hurry her ass up."

As Holly watched him practically storm out of the building, her frown dropped into a scowl at his lack of appreciation. She looked down at the Rottweiler who was busy looking up at her as if to inquire as to where his new master was going. "Your owner's a dick."

After Lyla and her kids left with their new family member, Holly went back to her filing. "How do you know that biker guy? You friends with him?"

She gave a snort at the absurdity of such an assumption and shook her head as she cut her eyes over to Greg where he stood in the doorway with a mug of coffee in hand. "He's in the same motorcycle club as my neighbor. We end up running into each other a lot. Small town and all that."

Greg frowned, but it didn't reach his eyes. Greg's range of expression was as impressive as that of a cow: completely placid and almost vacant. The lights were on but nobody was home. "I never run into you in town."

"I don't really go into town much. Unless it's to get to school."

"But you just said-"

"I know what I said, Greg," she snapped and Cheech poked his head up from under her desk, tilting his head in curiosity before he decided nothing interesting was happening and disappeared once more. She rubbed the dog's belly with her toes and he let out a growl of contentment.

"Sounds like you're friends."

"Does it matter," she asked, giving him an incredulous look. Greg didn't comment and she went back to her paperwork, typing away on her keyboard with more force than necessary. She wanted Greg to know she didn't want him or his stupid comb over in her business, even if she was being too passive aggressive to say anything. Eventually, Greg left and she let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding before she rubbed at her face. "Men are such babies."

An hour later, it was time for her to head home and she leashed Cheech and grabbed her backpack. Lyla was waiting for her outside in her SUV and Holly raised an eyebrow in surprise, but didn't comment as she and the dog got into the big black utility vehicle.

"Figured you wouldn't want to walk all the way home. That's like what, an hour?"

"Forty-five minutes. I found a shortcut."

"Still, your car's still at the shop, so I told the guys I was going to be picking you up for the next few days and since I'm in charge of Red Woody, I set my own hours."

"Thanks, Lyla, you didn't have to do that."

Lyla shrugged as they pulled out of the parking lot. "You're my friend. Honestly, you're my best friend. And you're one of two chicks I really even know who hasn't slept with Chibs."

"Fuck, that's depressing." There was a short silence. "You have really low friendship standards."

Lyla burst out laughing and Holly covered her mouth with her hand and stared out the window as she smiled. Lyla was her best friend, too.

* * *

Holly Graham's house was tiny, cramped almost. But Holly was a minimalist. When her grandfather, the only parent she'd ever really had, had developed Alzheimer's four years ago, Holly had managed to emancipate herself and get herself named as his conservator. He'd been moved into a care home in Bakersfield and she had dipped into her college fund and with the help of a very trustworthy financial advisor, found herself a home that fit her needs and was well within her budget. She'd sold off everything of value that she and her Grandfather would no longer need and used the money to pay for his medical bills.

Her Grandfather hadn't been rich, but he'd had enough to keep her more than afloat during the next couple of years barring any complications. So, she'd chosen carefully when picking out a new residence. The house consisted of four rooms. The front door entered into the kitchen. To the left was the sink, stove, dishwasher, and refrigerator. There was a small walk-in pantry sandwiched between the refrigerator and the washer and dryer. Adjacent to the washer and dryer was the open doorway leading to the living room. The living wasn't very large, but there was a long panorama window that looked out onto the back patio which had been converted into a greenhouse. On the left of the room was the open door way to her bedroom, which then lead to the bathroom through the door across the room on the left. Directly across from that door was the door that led out into the greenhouse. The house was a perfect square almost. She loved everything about it.

The realtor had referred to it as a "shotgun" house, a term she was familiar with, but the moment she had stepped into the house, she knew it was home. The backyard was humongous, lined with trees secluded. The closest house was a monstrous two-story owned by Tig and Venus that she couldn't even see from her own property and they were the only houses on the residential road that sat just on the outskirts of Charming.

Every Sunday night, there was a cacophony of motorcycle engines as the local MC, Sons of Anarchy slowly cruised down the street toward Tig Trager's home for Sunday night dinner. Lyla had mentioned it once when they had been at the park with her kids. Every week, the MC and their wives and kids all got together to celebrate the large family they were. She said it was a lot nicer than it had been in years prior and Holly had nodded to herself inwardly. It had been two years since Chibs had taken over as President and Charming had been quiet and peaceful for the first time in years. People loved the club again. People respected the club. Now it wasn't just the Sons that looked out for Charming. The Mayans, the Niners, and even a couple of other MC's that had had friendly dealings with the Sons in the past, looked out for Charming. Charming was a safe town again. They weren't plagued by a sense of false security. There was actual security, real stability in Charming. And Lyla said that was reflected in the Sunday night dinners. It was relaxed and they didn't have to worry about some fight breaking out between brothers or Old Ladies. There was no stress over business deals going south.

And Holly made it her ritual every Sunday night to sit on the steps of her front porch and watch the procession of motorcycles pass her small home just before sunset while she puffed on a joint lazily. They never noticed her, hidden from view, up the small hill that was shaded by the trees dotting the front yard and lining the gravel driveway. She just stretched her legs out and watched them go by as all the tension built up in her from the past week spilled out into the evening breeze and then she would head inside and make dinner, settle down in the kitchen and do homework until well after ten, and then crash for the night. It was a simple existence and she couldn't ask for more.

It was Tuesday and Lyla had left a little over three hours ago. They'd spent a couple hours talking-mainly about Chibs and how good he was with the kids. And now she was sitting sandwiched between the couch and the coffee table while she worked on her Biology homework while ID tv provided a nice bit of background noise. Cheech had wedged his body in between the couch and coffee table to rest his head in her lap while Sully was sprawled out on the floor in front of the tv lightly snoring. Happy had adopted Cheech the day before and hadn't stopped by to pick him up like she had expected him to. If she hadn't liked the dog so much, she would have been pissed, but she really liked Cheech. He liked to snuggle in bed with her and he was good at it. Sully tended to try to mother her to death.

She was halfway through the essay portion of her assignment when she heard what sounded like a key in the door and the three of them turned their heads toward the kitchen. Sully jumped to his feet and began to whine excitedly. She could hear him prancing in the kitchen like an over-excited puppy. Cheech had pulled himself up and posted himself in the doorway to the kitchen, alert and ready to spring into action if necessary. Seeing as Sully wasn't too concerned with her wellbeing, she went back to her homework, completely forgetting about the person who had just let themselves into her house.

A familiar set of keys dropped on college-ruled notebook paper she was writing on and she looked up into his hard, cold face. "Brought your car back. Came to get my dog."

"There's beer in the fridge if you want one." She moved the keys away from her work before finishing with the conclusion paragraph of her last essay. After this, it was on to Chemistry. She still had a good couple of hours of homework left. She heard the refrigerator slam shut and then felt the couch dip behind her.

"The fuck are you watching?"

She cut a glance at the television and then back to her textbooks as she switched them out before doing the same with her notebooks. "ID tv. All the shows on it are about really fucked up murders and stuff."

He gave her a look, like he was suddenly reassessing his opinion of her. "You into that shit? Wanna be a cop or something?"

She shook her head. "No, I just like watching how they figure out who did it, why they did it. I mean, most of the ones they do are crimes of passion or about serial killers, but I like trying to figure out the reason behind the madness."

He was still giving her that look. "That's fucked up."

She didn't even bother to respond and he didn't say anymore. She just went back to her homework and he went back to watching tv, even going so far as to turn it up. She had to turn her face away the barest bit to keep him from seeing the small smile that formed on her face at that.

Happy didn't know what he expected when he let himself into her house. Maybe he expected her to be like every other teenage girl he'd seen in town. Loud and obnoxious with a head full of nothing but boys and clothes and getting smashed on the weekends at some really wild house party where the kid's parents were out of town. Or maybe he expected to walk in on her taking it from behind with one of the football players at her school in a bedroom full of black light posters while The Cure played in the background. He didn't know, really. He only came to drop her car off and pick his dog up like he said he would when he'd adopted him.

He hadn't expected to walk in to find her doing homework while some television narrator read off a gruesome autopsy report only to have her give him that infuriatingly blank look while she offered him a beer and then went back to what she was doing. He especially hadn't expected the response she'd given him when he asked her what she was watching. As he sat there, half listening to the tv while her pen scratched across the paper she was writing furiously on, he finally took the time to look around the small house. There wasn't much to it. There'd been a coffee maker and a microwave that didn't look like they got much use. A square kitchen table behind the front door and that was it. The room he was in now was a little less sparse. The long panorama window along the wall behind the television was covered with pinkish-red drapes that cast the room in a warm rosy glow. There were two bookcases on either side of the room and a shorter shelf next to the television full of DvDs and vinyl records, which was odd because he didn't actually see a record player anywhere. It took him a minute to realize there weren't really any personal items littered around the room. There were no pictures or knickknacks, things all women liked to pepper around their houses to make them feel "homey".

He glanced to his left, toward the open doorway that was separated by another pinkish-red curtain, clearly used to provide some form of privacy between that room and the room he was currently sitting in. The curtain stopped about two feet above the floor and he could make out what seemed to be a bedframe just beyond. There was a light on on the opposite side the room and he could make out the shape of the bed through the curtain. It looked big.

"What's with all the fuckin' pink?" Happy hadn't meant to say it out loud. He just really hated that damn color. She let out a long sigh and looked up at the drapes hanging over the window. "They were on clearance and everything had been picked over. It was either that or buttercup yellow. And they're more like Magenta, which isn't as bad as pink, so. I got em'."

He didn't bother replying and it was obvious she didn't expect him to. So he finished off his beer and got another one. She didn't say anything and he didn't think she even noticed, but it was quieter here than at the clubhouse and he'd finally gotten sick of his landlord and decided on looking for a house to buy, but he just couldn't seem to bring himself to get one. A house just seemed too permanent and he was seriously thinking of trying to find a way to resurrect the Nomad charter.

He looked down at the Rottweiler whose head was currently resting on his knee and remembered that it wasn't just him anymore. He'd gotten the dog because it reminded him so much of the Rottweiler he'd left with his mother, Buster. Buster had been his dog, but when his Mom had gotten sick, Buster had become more attached to her, taken care of her and comforted her in a way Happy couldn't. Buster had provided her with the stability and support she needed to keep going and there was no way in hell he would ever take that away from his mother. When Buster had been hit by a car, the only person more devastated than him was his mother.

The dog nuzzled his head closer and let out a growl that sounded like contentment. Happy smiled. He really liked dogs. He let his head fall back against the couch and let his mind wander for awhile before he looked back over to the girl sitting on the floor, her shoulder close enough to his leg that if he jerked it even a centimeter in her direction, it would make contact with her pale skin. She was busy punching numbers into a calculator with a scowl of concentration. For all he knew, she'd forgotten he was even there, which was strange considering most people were so uncomfortable and nervous around him they couldn't forget him even if they tried.

But she simply seemed disinterested, which was even weirder considering she'd said she would have sex with him if given the option. But the more he thought that over, she didn't really have options. Chibs was obviously wound so tightly around Lyla's finger she was practically dancing her way into Old Lady status. Montez was married with kids. Rat, though he was a dick, was too into Brooke to even think about tapping someone who wasn't a Diosa bitch or a crow-eater, she'd never even met Quinn that he knew of, T.O. didn't work at the garage, and Tig was...Tig. He was literally the only option left. Unless you counted Jimmy, but Jimmy was a prospect and a fucking creep at best.

She sat back suddenly, rubbing the heels of her palms into her eyes and let out a huff. "Fucking Chemistry. Can eat a fucking dick. Eat fucking ten dicks. Shit."

He felt his eyebrow quirk up at her muttered tirade and she swiveled her head to look at him, letting her head fall back on the seat of the couch just beside his thigh. He could feel her warm breath through the fabric of his jeans as she spoke. "Wanna go smoke a J with me?"

"Let's go."

So maybe Holly Graham wasn't _that_ weird.


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own anything. All the characters belong to Kurt Sutter. I'm just playing with his toys.**

 **Well, Holy balls did that ever get a response. Can't say I'm not pleased by it either! Thanks so much for all the reviews and interest. It really means a lot to me and you guys are all great. I'm serious. Serious enough to upload yet another chapter today instead of tomorrow. That way, you get three tonight instead of tomorrow and you get four tomorrow. I'm in the process of finishing chapter nine and polishing it up. And again, thanks for being so interested in this story. You guys are awesome. Read, review, and enjoy.**

* * *

3\. Boundaries

* * *

When Happy went on runs up to Tacoma with Tig, Cheech stayed with Holly Graham. He and Sully were thick as thieves and sometimes, when Happy was busy on a repair he would sneak out of the garage and trot right on down to Scoops so he could sit down in front of the store with Sully. That was how the two became a novelty in small town Charming. The first time it happened was when Happy finally figured out that Sully went to meet Holly after school as she drove to the garage with Cheech sitting in the backseat with his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth as always and he looked so fucking pleased with himself that Happy couldn't find it in himself to be anymore than slightly irritated with the cuddly beast. Especially, when he hopped right through the open window like a God damned pup and raced straight toward him.

Holly didn't even say a word, she simply backed out of the lot and disappeared, which meant she was probably late for work. Happy didn't give a shit. He only gave a shit about his club and his dog. And Holly's dog, too. He liked that damned dog.

In return for watching Cheech, Happy always brought her a couple six-packs so she didn't have to ask Tig or Lyla to pick it up for her. She never thanked him or even acknowledged that he went out of his way to pay her back and he didn't know if he liked that or not. He'd been gone for a whole week and he really missed his dog. He'd fucked the hell out of a crow-eater before they'd left Tacoma and now all he wanted was to come get his dog, but he didn't have a cage.

He had to go and see his dog. It had been a rough week and a lot of dirty work had had to be done for Tacoma, work that the mother charter had distanced themselves from. They'd had to drop a few members and there had been a change in leadership. That had been hard. Happy need to sit down, drink some beer and pet his fucking dog. Even if that meant breaking into a teenager's house at three in the morning on a school night.

Happy sucked at picking locks, but Holly had hidden the spare under a potted plant under the carport, so it wasn't that hard to get in. Sully met him at the door, tail wagging just as hard as always as he nosed Happy's hands and legs in one of the most enthusiastic greetings he'd ever received in his entire adult life. He gave the dog a solid pat on the head and Sully jumped up and down in hopes of another one.

"Down, Sully," Happy chastised, and although the dog didn't try to jump up on him again, he never stopped wagging his tail. Happy snagged a beer from her fridge and threw himself down on the couch, resting one arm along the back as he slowly downed the bottle in one go. Feeling eyes on him, he turned to find Cheech standing in the doorway to the bedroom with his head peeking out from under the curtain separating the two rooms. He called him over and the dog made a beeline for him, resting his head on Happy's knee obediently. And that was how Happy spent his night, clutching an empty beer bottle while he slowly ran his hand over the Rottweiler's head repetitively.

When he woke up in the morning, Holly was standing over his prone form on the couch, her lips pursed in displeasure and her eyes narrowed down into slits. It was the first time she'd ever eyed him with hostility. It was a weird thing to see.

"I like having my space." There was a beat of silence before she outright glared at him. "You're in it."

She didn't wait for him to reply before she disappeared back into her bedroom and then he heard a door slam followed by the sound of a showerhead firing up. Happy pulled himself to his feet and rubbed a hand over his bald head while he scowled in the direction the redhead had disappeared. He was seriously considering breaking down the door to her bathroom so he could wrap his hand around her skinny little throat and choke her out. The thought alone was almost satisfying enough for him. Almost.

When she was finished, the bathroom door banged open and he could hear her running around the bedroom, the rustle of clothing sliding over skin, and then she stumbled out of the bedroom, wet hair sticking to her face, bare of make-up, scowling just as hard as he was. She shook her still dripping hair out and pulled a jacket over herself before she started shoving textbooks and notebooks in her bulging backpack and slung it over her shoulder.

"I gotta go, let yourself out," she muttered halfway under her breath as she stalked past him and slammed out of the house without a backward glance. Bitch.

When he got to the clubhouse a little after ten, the first thing he did was grab onto a crow-eater and fuck her dirty in the club bathroom. It definitely helped relieve some of the stress that had built up over the past week.

Jimmy was busy helping Quinn replace the gas tank on an old Ford pick up and he was talking about his favorite new topic: Holly. Happy really didn't understand what Jimmy's obsession was with her, but it seemed to him that the kid was interested simply because she had absolutely no interest in him whatsoever. In fact, Jimmy had never really even mentioned her speaking to him.

"The hell is wrong with you, creaming your jeans over some jailbait gash you've never even talked to," Quinn asked with a grunt, obviously just as mystified as Happy. But Jimmy shook his head and the unruly head of curly blond hair he was sporting swayed with the movement.

Jimmy Owens was from Lodi. His dad was a former Marine who had drunk himself and then his beautician wife into a coma. He dropped out of high school when his dad was sent to county and never looked back. That was when he ended up in Charming looking for work. He was a way better mechanic than Montez or Rat, and he knew everything there was to know about Chevys. But that was all Happy knew about the kid and he didn't care to know more because from day one, that kid had grated on him like no other. He got that the club was made up of nothing but outsiders that had finally found the place where they belonged, but it didn't feel like the prospect belonged here, either.

Seemed more like he belonged back in Lodi, getting his GED and fucking off from Charming. Maybe he could talk the little shit into transferring to Indian Hills in exchange for Happy's patch in vote.

"I've talked to her," he snapped back before averting his gaze and paying way too much attention to the flathead in his hands. Then he mumbled, "She ignored me."

Quinn let out a low rumble of a laugh. "Means she ain't interested, kid."

The crestfallen expression on the kid's face made Happy want to punch his teeth down his throat. Like Holly Graham would ever be into a chicken-shit little punk like _him_.

"Means she's not interested _yet_ ," Jimmy corrected, his green eyes sparkling. He smirked and Quinn shook his head and snatched the flathead from him. "Why don't you just stick to the crow-eaters like me an' Hap."

"I'm tired of crow-eaters."

"Then go to Diosa." Now Quinn seemed just as annoyed as Happy. They both shared a look that spoke volumes. Maybe it was because they were both older and realized that chasing pussy that was obviously out of reach was nothing but a huge waste of time. Especially, when there was about a dozen wet and willing women within arm's reach at any given moment of the day.

"Seriously, kid," Happy said, finally breaking his self-imposed silence on the subject. Quinn raised an eyebrow at him, but he ignored him and continued. "It ain't gonna happen. Get back to work. Tired of listening to your bitching every single day."

The prospect wisely kept his mouth shut and went back to work, studiously keeping his eyes glued to anything but the two men in the garage with him and only looked up when there was the unmistakable sound of high heels clicking across concrete and Venus sashayed in from the office with a concerned frown on her face. All three men stopped what they were doing and looked at her.

"Whatdaya need, Vee," Quinn asked, tossing his tools in the box nearby. But her gaze was fixed on Happy as she spoke. "Your dog followed Holly to school. Again."

"He'll come back." His quick response was obviously not what she had wanted to hear and she narrowed her gaze at him further and Happy was suddenly reminded of that unnervingly piercing look that Gemma used to give them when she was displeased with something they had either done or were fixing to do. "Fuck, Vee, what? The fuck did I do to piss you off now?"

Venus simply crossed her arms across her ample chest and jutted one hip to the side as she stared him down with her lips pursed. The tension in the garage ratcheted up a notch and Happy shifted his feet defensively. Sometimes, Venus Van Dam was fucking terrifying. "I think, Sweetheart, the question you need to be asking yourself, is just what it is you did, to piss off one of my nearest and dearest friends."

"I didn't do shit to that fucking bitch," he snarled. And he didn't, though now he was seriously thinking about it. Venus simply raised one immaculately shaped eyebrow at him, did an about face, and strode from the garage and back into the office. It was...kind of scary how much she resembled Gemma sometimes.

"You are in deep shit when Tig finds out about this," Quinn said with a low whistle. Happy curled his lip up in disgust. "Yeah, well, I didn't do shit to that crazy gash. She needs to get over it."

When Jimmy glared at him meanly, he snarled again. "The fuck you lookin' at prospect?"

Just then, Holly's battered Ford Focus swerved into the parking lot and skidded to a halt outside the front office. The two dogs jumped out of the car and without sparing the three men who were openly staring at her a glance, she strode right into the office brandishing a fast food bag. Happy looked up just in time to see Venus snap the blind shut after giving him a particularly frosty look.

"Fuckin' women," Quinn hissed and the three went back to work wordlessly. Sully nosed around Happy just as he always did and Happy shoved him off. That dog had way too much energy.

"I thought she was still in school."

Happy and Quinn didn't even bother to respond. Fifteen minutes later, Holly left the office and headed toward the clubhouse and all three men watched her go. Holly never went in the clubhouse unless Venus or Lyla accompanied her and she avoided it as much as possible. In fact, she usually stayed in her car when she waited for Lyla or Venus to meet her.

"Hi, Holly," one of the crow-eaters greeted from the clubhouse doorway and it was clear by her tone of voice that the greeting was not in any way sincere. The skinny redhead's only sign of acknowledgement was a single finger salute as she disappeared inside the building. When she emerged again, Chibs was with her and their heads were bent together. They were talking in hushed voices and by the fleeting glances they cast toward the bitchy blonde crow-eater near the entrance it was apparent that they were trying not be heard. Chibs pulled something from the pocket inside his kutte and shoved it into her hand, making sure to curl her fingers around it as he shoved it toward her abdomen. The Cheshire cat grin that spread across her face was clearly making the Scotsman uncomfortable.

"You are so fucking adorable right now," Holly managed to snort out between laughs as she left him and even from all the way inside the garage, Happy could make out the faint blush that suffused the President's face. Chibs reached out and shoved her in the shoulder roughly, trying hard to glare. "Fuck off with ye, Lass!"

She laughed even louder, slapping her bare knee and his eyes were immediately brought down to run the length of her creamy white legs. They went on for miles. Her laughter tapered off as she neared her car, but her hazel-green eyes were still dancing with amusement and she thrust whatever it was Chibs had given her in her pocket and then pulled her car keys out before letting out a loud whistle. Both Cheech and Sully ran towards her and she wagged a finger at one of the dogs. "No, you stay here, boy."

Cheech fell back on his haunches and gazed up at her with sad eyes. She huffed as she opened the passenger door for her dog and he jumped in. "I said, no, Cheech. Don't look at me like that."

"Hey, Holly," Jimmy all but yelled at her suddenly, causing her and Quinn both to jump. Happy whipped his head around to look at him so quickly there was an audible crack. With all eyes on him and his own green ones widened to comical proportions, he twitched under the girl's sudden attention. "You should come to the party on Friday."

 _Oh for fuck's sake, Prospect_. Happy did not want that bitch there. As she closed the passenger door and walked around her car, she shook her head, not looking the slightest bit apologetic as she told him, "I would, but I don't want to."

There was a strangled gurgle as the boy nearly choked on his tongue and Quinn cackled in incredulity. As she droved away, Jimmy set his scowl on Quinn, looking very much like a whipped pup. "At least I talked to her."

* * *

Holly didn't like kids. They were exhausting, expensive, and loud. But it was Friday night and Chibs had asked for a favor. They'd just finished the 400th Red Woody porno and their was a raucous wrap party going on at Teller-Morrow that was in full swing. It was guaranteed that there would be tons of sex and that was not the environment for children, so, she'd stepped up and offered to babysit. Lyla needed a night out with her man and this party was probably the thing both Lyla and Chibs needed to loosen up enough to get comfortable with each other in a more intimate manner.

From what Holly had gathered about the pair, it wasn't the sex itself that was the problem, it was what came directly after. Lyla had confided that she didn't know if Chibs was comfortable with cuddling with her or even showing affection and that she suspected he always felt guilty after they slept together because she was Lyla Winston, the widow of Opie Winston, another club member who had been murdered in prison. Holly could understand that. Chibs hooking up with Lyla no matter the circumstance was frowned upon, but because he was President nobody had the balls to say anything. And they weren't exactly being public about it, so there wasn't really anything anyone could comment on in the first place.

But Holly did pick up on one thing. Despite how guilty it may have made him feel, how it was viewed as a serious betrayal between two brothers (even if one of them was dead), it clearly meant Chibs Telford was more than a little in love with Lyla if he was willing to keep seeing her and that spoke volumes about the man in her eyes. She'd be damned if this relationship was going to crash and burn on her watch. Lyla had been through enough bullshit to last a lifetime and Holly was going to make sure she got something good.

So there she was, in Lyla Winston's cramped, three bedroom house babysitting three energetic, opinionated children on a Friday night. But she took it in stride. They baked rice krispy treats, watched a bunch of Pixar movies and played both Twister and Operation. It was an eventful night and they didn't fall asleep until well after three in the morning. It was a pile of limbs across the floor and the couch when Lyla shook her awake gently the next day around noon. Lyla had given her a hug so intense it spoke volumes when she left about twenty minutes later with Sully in tow after giving Lyla the house key Chibs had snuck her at the clubhouse earlier in the week.

Twenty minutes later, she found herself slumped down in a booth at the local diner that was conveniently located on her way home. Sully was sitting outside on the sidewalk barking at a passing motorcycle while she drained her third cup of coffee in an attempt to wake up. She had a mountain of homework to get through and an even larger mountain of laundry to work on when she got home. And that was beside the fact that she needed to mow the lawn later that afternoon.

"You want some more coffee, Hun," the middle-aged waitress asked kindly. She nodded and rubbed at her eyes. "Please. Can I get some more bacon and a couple more eggs?"

"Sure thing, Hun," the lady said amiably, "you could use some more meat on your bones."

Holly winced internally and fought to keep from curling in on herself at the comment. No matter how much she ate, she couldn't seem to put on any weight, muscle or fat, it just didn't stick. Holly wasn't just a grazer, either, she ate until she was sure she would vomit some days, but as fast as she put on weight, she dropped it. Her Grandfather, Pop, had told it that she got it from her Grandmother and mother as both women had been just as stick thin as she was. The waitress came back with her plate of food and she dove right in, stuffing two long strips of bacon in her mouth at once. She hadn't noticed how hungry she was until she had actually tasted the food.

Hair tossed up in a messy bun at the very top of her head, aviators shadowing her eyes from as much light as possible, and her clothes wrinkled beyond belief, Holly look like she gone several rounds with a bottle of Jose Cuervo, and she could tell by the barely there disappointment shining through the waitress' eyes that she believed that's exactly what Holly had done.

She wasn't hungover; children took it out of her in a way nothing else did. She was in the process of slurping down half her mug of coffee when she looked up and noticed none other than Happy Lowman stalking through the front door of the diner and she wilted. While Holly hadn't really taken the time to get to know the silent biker, she knew one thing about the man. He was the most intense person she had ever met and it made her feel stifled and anxious and Holly already had enough on her plate without having to deal with some perpetually pissed off biker looming over her shoulder. She wanted nothing to do with that.

Just as he looked over in her direction and returned her hostile glare with one of his own, she noticed something far more threatening on the other side of the diner and it came equipped with high-pitched giggling and judgmental smirks of superiority. "Fuck," she breathed out, despite her best efforts as she noticed the three blondes sitting in the round booth in the corner as they giggled and gestured to her in an over-exaggerated manner. She stabbed at one of her over easy eggs and shoveled it in her mouth.

Holly Graham wasn't popular. She wasn't unpopular either, but it just so happened that she was the only viable target nearby and Cammie Showalter, Heather Neusbaum, and Tiffany Thompson weren't know for their benevolence. She fell back in her seat and watched with a visibly sour expression on her face when Cammie Showalter practically sashayed up to her table, her two fanatical followers bouncing after her. Cammie Showalter had the body of a fifties pinup and while Holly wasn't sure it was all natural, it was still something she envied about the blonde socialite before her. Cammie had thick blonde hair that always fell perfectly over her shoulders, perfectly manicured fingers, and every single article of clothing she wore not only looked like it fit like a glove, but also looked like she'd dropped a couple hundred dollars on it. Tiffany and Heather weren't anywhere near on par with Cammie, but they were damn near close. Every girl in school hated them because they wanted to be them. Not only were they perfect, they were untouchable. Cammie had given one of the footballers (she could never remember their names) a blowjob under the bleachers during the homecoming game's halftime and nobody shamed her for it. If it had been any other girl, she'd have been branded a slut for all eternity. People would be whispering about her behind her back even when she was old and gray shopping for pot roast ingredients at the local supermarket. High school fucking _blew_.

"Well, if it isn't little Orphan Annie," Cammie cooed out snidely, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"You know," Holly said, with feigned disinterest as she slid her sunglasses off her face, "I never knew they made blow-up sex dolls that could talk until I met you."

Tiffany gasped, wounded on her leader's behalf. Cammie looked unfazed. "I heard you've been sucking biker dick down at Teller-Morrow every chance you get. Thinking of turning pro and working for Red Woody?"

"Naw, I thought I'd leave the professional dick sucking to you, since you've done such a damn fine job of it so far. Didn't our team win state last year," she asked and Cammie's eyes narrowed dangerously, but she didn't heed the warning. She didn't have the patience to sit down and take this shit from some bleach-blonde ditz like Cammie Showalter. "You know the team always looks so much more relaxed and at the top of their game after half-time and you being head cheerleader and all, I figure you know just what it takes to get those boys into the end zone."

"You're such a jealous little bitch," Heather jumped in and almost carbon copy of Cammie. Whatever Cammie did, Heather did.

Holly let out a scoff. "Yes, that's it. I'm totally jealous of all the footballer dick I'm not getting shoved down my throat. That's what it is. Did you three need something?"

"I heard Aaron Foster wants to ask you to winter formal."

Holly blinked at that. What? This was not going where she had expected it to go at all. "What?"

"Aaron Foster wants to ask you to winter formal," Tiffany repeated for her friend, who looked very incensed by such information. Holly fell back in her seat and frowned down at her empty plate. Well, that was different. She'd never even talked to the guy before. They didn't have any classes together. Did they? "Well, that's news to me."

"Are you gonna say yes," Cammie spat out. Holly gave her a look. "I've never even talked to the guy. Why the hell would I agree to go on a date with a guy I've never even talked to before? Besides," she added drily, "I might be busy sucking biker dick that night."

"So you're gonna say no," Tiffany asked slowly.

"What the fuck does it even matter?"

"You are such a waste of space," Cammie said with a disgusted shake of her head before she turned to stalk away from the table only to come face to chest with one very ominous looking biker. She jumped back with wide eyes before scampering around him and out of the diner.

"It was nice talking to you," Holly called after her with faux cheeriness before the fake smile dropped from her face. Happy stared down at her with his usual hard expression. "Venus is pissed at me because of you." Straight to the point.

"Then maybe you should knock instead of breaking into my house from now on, or I'll be forced to call your Mommy again."

"Need to watch what you say to me."

"I'm not afraid of your uptight ass."

They continued to stare one another down for several minutes until Holly finally noticed he'd slid into the booth across from her. "So, I don't know what you think this is, but I do not want to be friends with you." When he only stared at her, she scowled further. Happy Lowman spoke even less than she did. It was infuriating. "The only thing I like about you is your dog."

"I could say the same about you."

"So we're clear on all that?"

He simply nodded and when the waitress came to take her plate away and take Happy's order, she asked for a piece of cherry pie, licking her lips at the thought of it. She gave him another look and he tried not to grit his teeth too much. "So why are you still here?"

Happy didn't respond because to be perfectly honest, he had no idea. Holly just snorted in disgust and picked up her fork as she folded her long legs under herself and took her first bite of pie. "Fucking love pie, Dude."

When the waitress came back to refill her coffee she swallowed her mouthful quickly. "Can I get a chocolate milkshake and some fries, too?"

The dumbfounded expression on the middle-aged woman said it all. "And just where are you planning on putting all that?"

"My ass and thighs hopefully," she replied breezily and the waitress let out a loud guffaw as she walked away.

"You are so fucking weird." He hadn't meant to say it out loud, again, but he just couldn't help it. The redhead gave him a half shrug of nonchalance as she continued to polish off the piece of pie in front of her.

"You look like shit today." She didn't, not really, but he couldn't think of anything else to say that wouldn't come off as a compliment. She quirked an eyebrow at him yet again and shook her head. "Yeah, well, it's been a real shit day today so." She let it hang in the air between them and he didn't comment. Before long, the waitress brought them their food and Holly started in immediately on her milkshake. They ate in silence while Happy looked her over critically. She was just so painfully skinny. But the way she was sitting there with her hair up in that sloppy bun on top of her head, her face scrubbed clean while her cheeks puffed out with a large mouthful of fries she'd just stuffed in it...well, he could kind of see why Jimmy was so twisted up about her.

As Happy eyed her and she eyed him right back. It was hard to tell what he was thinking at any given moment, but sometimes, she could catch glimpses. Whatever it was he had been thinking a moment before, had upset him because now he was glaring at his pancakes like a sullen child and somehow the sight of a terrifying asshole like Happy Lowman, who was literally covered from head to toe in tattoos, glaring at his half stack of pancakes was one of the cutest albeit funniest things she'd ever seen. She finished her milkshake in one long gulp and watched as he stabbed at the remainder of his food as she mulled things over in her mind. _Fuck it_.

"Wanna come over to my place and share some smoke?"

Happy scowled at her for so long it should have made her feel uncomfortable. Instead, it told her exactly what his answer would be.

"Yeah, Whatever."


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own anything. All the characters belong to Kurt Sutter. I'm just playing with his toys.**

 **I want to thank you all for the massive response. It's very much appreciated. A lot. All the reviews and follows and favorites really motivate me as a writer and it's great to know that something that started out as just some random, fluffy thought dancing through my head and ended up becoming a labor of love could grab the attention of all of you. I love all three of my stories, but this is my favorite because this pairing is just so damn weird and there are so many directions in which I can guide them as opposed to can't.**

 **This chapter is one of my absolute favorites. It was so fun to write and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

* * *

4\. Fall

* * *

It was almost November. Holly was stoked. Venus and Tig had invited her to their house for Thanksgiving dinner and Holly was giddy at the thought. It had been so long since she'd attended a Thanksgiving dinner she could barely even remember how it went. But she could definitely remember the food. She could remember helping her Nana bake the pumpkin pies and she could remember her Nana swatting her Pop's hands away whenever he tried to snitch any of the turkey before dinner was ready.

Her cheery mood was just barely dampened by the fact that she was currently standing in front of room 118 at Hands of Grace Assisted Living Facility trying to pluck up the courage to enter. She clutched the tin of oatmeal raisin cookies-Pop's favorite-and blew out a puff of air. Even though he wasn't completely gone, he didn't recognize her anymore. He thought she was her mother, which was even worse.

The nurse in front of her wrapped her hand around the door. "You ready?"

Holly nodded in assurance, more so for herself than for the nurse and the nurse seemed to understand and gave her a gentle smile. "He's having a good day."

"Yeah," she asked as the door opened, hopeful for the first time in a long time since she had started visiting him. Good days were few and far between and Pop's health had taken a nosedive the year before.

Her grandfather was sitting in his chair in front of the television watching "The Price Is Right". And he was yelling. Holly stood in the threshold of the room, mouth slightly open as she took in his demeanor. It was a good day.

"Mr. Graham, Holly's here to see you."

He turned in their direction and a large smile plastered itself on his generously wrinkled face. "Sweetpea! You made it!"

All Holly could do was nod, afraid that if she tried to speak, her words would be choked from the large lump in her throat. She sniffed surreptitiously. Her grandfather moved forward, leaning heavily on his cane and wrapped his arms, which were still burly even for his age and condition, around her. "My best girl right here! Come sit, come sit."

"I brought you some oatmeal cookies."

"Oh who gives a shit about cookies right now," he huffed, waving them off, "the nurse will just confiscate them when you leave anyway."

She frowned at that. She'd worked hard on those cookies. They were for her Pop and no one else. "They didn't tell me not to bring sweets."

He waved that off as well and leaned toward her. "How are things? How's school? You still getting good grades? You still studying hard?"

Holly grinned, feeling her chest puff out with pride as she nodded and he clapped his hands together. "My good girl, have you been applying to colleges? You still want to be a veterinarian don't you?"

"Yep, I'm working at an animal shelter in Charming, where I live now, looks good on the college applications."

"Charming, you said," her grandfather asked, eyebrows raised, he jerked his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the door. "You know Maria in 214 has a son that lives up in Charming?"

"Maria," Holly let out a low whistle and her Pop frowned, rolling his eyes. Her grin widened and she waggled her eyebrows at him. "That your girlfriend?"

"No, she's not my girlfriend," he grumbled, looking only mildly put out by the innocent suggestion. He folded his hands in his lap and leaned back in the recliner, his expression becoming serious. "Maria's, Maria's got cancer. Pancreatic. When the chemo doesn't take too much out of her, she sits out in the garden with me. Even when I have my bad days. We play checkers."

Holly tried to smile at that, but it felt weak as if it had been painted on. "It's good you have a friend here, Pop. She sounds like a lovely lady."

"She is. And I'm sure you've met her son," he said, poking her leg affectionately with the end of his cane, "His name's Harry."

Holly thought it over, mentally going over every person she'd met in Charming thus far, before finally giving a shake of her head. "Nope, I haven't met him yet."

Her Pop gave a shrug as if it didn't matter one way or the other and she supposed it really didn't. "Well, he's older, so you probably don't run in the same circles. Now, have you met a nice young boy to settle down with?"

"Pop," she whined, sinking down in her chair and clamping a hand over her mouth to hid her frown of discomfort. While she always looked forward to visiting on a good day, this was the one aspect she didn't enjoy. Questions about her love life had always been uncomfortable and a pain to answer. Nana had always been the one to give her the third degree about boys at school, but once she had passed on, Pop had quickly swooped in to continue the tradition. Holly picked at the hem of her shorts and tapped the back of her flip flop against her heel in quick repetition, making her grandfather raise one bushy white eyebrow as he frowned right back at her. "No. I'm not looking."

"Well, haven't you met at least one single boy you like spending time with? A good-lookin' fella who pays attention to you and wants to be around you?"

Happy's slouched form taking up half her couch as he puffed on a joint while she finished up her calculus homework flashed through her mind and she mentally scoffed at that image. Happy Lowman was not by any means a boy and one could definitely not consider him one. He was a weird man who liked to hang out with high school senior misfits simply so he could smoke all their weed and drink all their beer. At least, that's what she told herself.

But surely Chibs and Tig had pot. And he was pretty sure the club owned some nearby dispensary. So, he had options. Why was he spending every Saturday at her house, toking it up while she studied or did laundry with his eyes glued to the television? She felt her brow-line droop as she remembered the way he'd found her trying to snake the sink drain and then spent the entire afternoon with his upper body in the lower cabinets while he unclogged the pipes and her garbage disposal while she fed him beer and a ham sandwich. It had been...domestic to say the least and he'd left as soon as he was done and she hadn't seen him for a week and a half.

"Aha," her grandfather exclaimed, jolting her out of her bitter musings, "there is a boy!"

"No there isn't," she argued back, though she knew it wasn't any use. His mind was made up. She had a gentleman caller and that was the end of it. As far as he was concerned, she was already engaged. It was horrifying to think about. "We don't even talk about stuff. We just sit there and that's it. We only see each other once a week."

"So, you're dating each other then," he said, nodding his head as if he understood what she was trying to say. Holly was at a loss for words. "Well, that's good. He's obviously interested in you. Man of few words, you said?"

Holly just gaped at him. How had this visit gone so horribly wrong? She had been expecting to talk about school the entire time. Small talk about her incompetent lab partner she could handle. Trying to explain hanging out with Happy Lowman, who she didn't even _like_ , was something she had not prepared for. He was just some weirdo biker she put up with because she didn't want his friends to get pissed off at her because they were also her friends and she liked them.

"Pop," she groaned as she listened to him drone on and on about how lucky she was to have found someone to spend her life with. "Can we talk about something else," she asked hopefully, biting her lip, "I didn't come here to talk about me."

"Well, that's too bad, that's what I want to talk about, Candy." Holly felt her body go cold instantly. _Her mother's name. He had called her by her mother's name_. Her jovial, good-natured grandfather was suddenly replaced by some darker, angrier man she didn't know, whose blue eyes were filled with righteous indignation. "Your mother and I didn't raise to grow up to be some drug-addicted prostitute. You think that young man is going to be able to take care of you and a baby? You think you can take care of a baby? You think you can stop shoving that shit up your nose and in your body long enough to take care of a baby?" He stabbed at her calf meanly and she jerked her leg up close to her body and turned herself away from him, her eyes wide and full of tears. "Pop..."

"You're gonna end up dead in some gutter somewhere, alone!" He was screaming now, spittle flying from the corners of his mouth as two nurses and an orderly flew through the door and quickly restrained him and pulled him away from his cowering granddaughter. The nurse who had let her in earlier guided her toward the front door, patting her shoulder soothingly though it did little to calm her.

"Holly, honey, you know this happens this late in the day," the nurse said, reminding her of past visits, "You have to remember that that isn't him and it's nothing against you."

She backed away from the woman and hugged her arms around herself. Holly shook her head. "It doesn't make it any easier knowing that. He thought I was my mother."

The nurse nodded sympathetically. "I'll call you tomorrow and let you know how he's doing. He's been doing better these last few weeks, but there's always lows."

"Thank you," she said quietly as she walked away. She just wanted to go home and cry. She barely made it into her car in the parking lot before she broke down.

* * *

"What," Holly snapped, slamming her pencil down on top of her Calculus book as she narrowed her eyes at the bald man lounging behind her on the couch. He'd been staring a hole in the side of her head for the past half hour and she had barely managed to finish the first problem on her worksheet because of it. She should have been halfway done. "What the fuck are you staring at? I've got to get this shit done and I can't until you quit staring at me like some Goddamn creeper!"

If he was at all offended, he didn't show it. He just continued to study her with that unreadable look on his face. Sometimes, Holly wondered if he could actually feel anything. Maybe he just felt numb all the time. "You got any family," he asked finally. Holly's infuriated expression fell into one of utter confusion, her lips parting slightly. She was so completely thrown by the unexpected question that she missed the way his gaze dipped down toward them before turning back up to her meet her eyes.

"Yeah," she answered finally. Her voice stuttered along with mind as she tried to wrap her head around his sudden interest in her personal life. "My grandfather."

"How come you don't live with him," he asked and she tilted her head as she eyed him warily, trying to figure out just what his angle was. His eyes were intense-more intense than usual if that was even possible-darker and narrowed, and his mouth was set in it's usual grimace of distaste. She rolled her eyes and picked up her pencil and turned away from him, dismissing him bodily. Words weren't necessary with him in most cases. "He has Alzheimer's, so he's in an assisted living facility."

He didn't say anything further, though she hadn't expected him to, but his piercing gaze still lingered and Holly found herself turning her body slightly away from him in response. He was making her nervous and she wasn't sure why. She was reminded briefly of her conversation with her Pop about Happy and how her Pop had considered this dating. Holly felt her body cringe in response and brought her hand up to the right side of her face, blocking it from Happy's view. His penchant for staring had always been bothersome before, but she hadn't been so painfully aware of it then. Now, she felt naked under his intense scrutiny, her skin exposed and raw. If this was what dating was supposed to look like, this was the most fucked up, awkward relationship she'd ever heard of.

"You're out of beer," he intoned behind her and her skin broke out in goosebumps in response. Mortified, she scratched violently at her shoulder, urging it to go away as she responded through clenched teeth, "There's a bottle of vodka Tig gave me in the freezer."

He rose from the couch wordlessly and walked into the kitchen. All the tension drained from her body the moment he left the room and she rubbed a hand over her face. Why was she even entertaining the idea that they were any more to each other than mere acquaintances who hated people enough that they were willing to spend time together in order to satisfy their innate urges for social contact? Human nature was so fucked.

Of course she would gravitate to someone even weirder than she was. She wondered vaguely if Happy thought she was weird. Did he? He had to think there was something wrong with her that she didn't have any friends her age. Her best friend was a porn star. That was weird, right? The high school honor student hanging out with the tranny and the porn star in her spare time. That's what other people thought about her. Why did this bother her so much? That he could think she was so weird? If he didn't like her he wouldn't hang out with her, right? What if Tig put him up to it? What if Tig told him to hang out with her because he wanted her to feel like she had more friends than she could count on one hand. Oh my God, if that were the case, she was pathetic.

And since when had she stopped disliking Happy with a violent intensity that made her want to slap the shit out of him every time he opened his mouth? The third, the forth, the fifth time he'd come over to just sit on her couch and drink all her beer and stare at the television while she completely ignored his presence? Or was it the time she'd watched him sift through her vinyl collection while he alternated between nodding in approval and scowling in disgust at her musical preferences?

Holly tucked her auburn hair behind her ear and then jumped, breaking the tip of her pencil off on her paper when Happy jumped back halfway through the kitchen doorway. " _There's a fucking **cat** in your freezer_ ," he yelled, pointing off toward her refrigerator, his eyes wide. Oh, shit. She had forgotten all about that.

"Oh, uh," she swallowed thickly. Oh, my God, why was she this embarrassed? It wasn't a big deal. Yeah, it was a little weird, but she a had a completely sane reason for having it in there. "I paid one of the guys from the Science Club to steal it for me so I can practice dissecting a cat before the final at the end of this semester."

"You bought a dead cat, so you can dissect it," he asked slowly. While the look on his face was still unreadable, there was something different shadowed in his eyes. They were blacker than they had been a few moments before. Holly cringed inwardly for the millionth time. Okay, so it definitely didn't sound as sane as she'd hope. She nodded wordlessly. Opening her mouth hadn't done her any favors thus far.

"Can I watch," he asked, leaning on the doorway, and there was a sudden spark in his eyes. He was excited. If it weren't for the sour twist of his mouth he'd have the look of a kid on Christmas about him. This should have made her nervous (who the hell gets excited about dissecting things?), but she shrugged. "I guess, if you can handle the smell of formaldehyde. Plus, I have to skin it first-"

"I wanna do it," he declared, cutting her off as he pushed off the doorway and charged back into the kitchen like a man on a mission. Holly jumped up from the floor, incredulous. "We're doing this now," she yelped, "I haven't even studied up on cat anatomy yet. I was going to do this _next_ week!"

She watched him shake his head as he pulled the large plastic sack containing the dead feline out of the freezer and slapped it down on the kitchen table. She jumped at the dull thud it created. "Happy, I don't even have a dissection tray or gloves-"

"Don't need 'em," he told her with another shake of his head and he rolled the toothpick that was jutting out from between his lips around in his mouth as he threw open the kitchen window. "Go get your textbook. We can prop it up so you can see what's going on. Should have had that science geek steal you a copy of the test."

"It's oral," she said as she went to retrieve her book. "The teacher calls out which organ or muscle we're to remove and then we do so. They mark down whether we're right or wrong." Holly sauntered back into her bedroom and opened up the window and turned on the ceiling fan to help the air circulate better. When she came back into the kitchen, Happy had the cat laid out on top of the square table and he was bouncing his leg up and down in barely concealed anticipation. "Took you long enough."

"Sorry," she muttered even though she was far from it. This was not how she expected to be spending her afternoon. It was her one day off this week and after the trying visit with her Pop, she'd wanted nothing more than to get her homework done and watch every single Disney movie she owned. But Happy had thrown a massive wrench in those plans.

She settled in the chair across from him and watched as he pulled his knife from his belt. Her eyes widened as she took in the length of the blade. It was a really big knife and Happy brandished it like he was brandishing a fork at dinner with familiar ease. Holly watched with wide eyes as he grabbed the tan and white cat by the scruff and pulled it toward himself and began to cut at it's hide as if it were something he'd done a million times before. As if he'd skinned more than a few things in his life. Her class had already started dissecting cats last week and Holly knew from experience that it was not easy at all. It required a lot of muscle to be able to yank their hide down the length of their body and she and most of her classmates-some of which were big hulking boys on the wrestling team-had been forced to use their scalpels to help them cut away the tissue that was preventing them from separating the hide from the rest of their cats.

Happy didn't have that problem. He gripped the cat's head in one hand and yanked it's hide away with the other and all it took was one firm tug. And his mouth had twitched upward, pleased with his handiwork and Holly was left speechless and awed. Sure, she'd expected he was strong. He had some of the most muscular forearms she's ever seen and she'd been only mildly skeptical of his ability to feel the full range of human emotion. But witnessing such a feat of strength coupled with an almost smile from one of the most enigmatic people she'd ever heard of let alone met, was something she didn't even have words for.

"How did you do that," she asked breathlessly, leaning over the table as her eyes shone with astonishment. His head snapped in her direction and the almost smile dropped from his face. He'd clearly forgotten she was there, but Holly didn't give two shits about that. No, she wanted to know how he'd done what he'd done. "Seriously, how'd you do that? We have to skin our cats in ten minutes. It took me an hour. I need to know how you did that."

They regarded on another in absolute silence, Holly's curiosity soon replaced with an anxious excitement she couldn't quite understand. Happy had that dark look on his face that he'd had before when he was standing in the doorway and she'd first told him why she had a dead cat in the first place. But she definitely knew something had shifted between them.

There was a sudden buzzing sound and he bared his teeth and growled as he set the cat on the table along with its hide and then fished around his pocket, his lower lip puckered slightly as he scowled, giving off the impression of a sullen child who'd just been told it was time to come in from playing outside. "Yeah," he growled into the phone.

Whatever the other person on the other end said, it wasn't what he had wanted to hear. His other hand, which was resting on the table, curled into a fist and he visibly clenched his jaw. "Aight, I'll be there in fifteen." He bared his teeth then, snarling. "Ain't your business where I'm at, fucker. I'll be there in fifteen." He snapped the flip phone shut with enough force, Holly was surprised that it didn't break. He shoved it back in his pocket and then looked at her, his face a blank mask of indifference once more. "I gotta go. Got business to take care of."

Holly didn't know how to respond to any of this. Her head was swimming. She could feel herself nod as she watched him put the cat back into the plastic sack and tie it shut. He wiggled the skin at her as he held it up. "I'll get rid of this. Unless you need it?"

She shook her head and continued to sit and stare dumbly as he put the cat back in the freezer, tossed the skin in the trash bin under the kitchen sink, and then took the trash bag out of the bin and set it aside before he washed his knife off in the sink. He scrubbed it thoroughly and quickly, like it was something he did often. Holly took it all in in silence, never taking her eyes off him or opening her mouth once. When he picked up the trash bag and nodded goodbye to her before he disappeared out the front door, Holly continued to sit there.

There was only one thought that continued to plague her for the rest of the day and long into the night, where she lay in bed watching the ceiling fan rotate continuously. _Maybe Happy and I really_ are _dating_.

* * *

That had been unexpected. The past forty-eight hours had been unexpected. Holly Graham had been full of surprises since the day he'd met her, but he'd expected that to wear off eventually. Instead, the surprises kept on coming and so did he. Happy needed to know more, he needed to understand her, what she was about. Why she was just so fucking weird and why with ever new piece of information he had about her, the more intriguing she became. But more than needing to, he _wanted_ to.

When he had pulled into Hands of Grace Assisted Living Facility to visit his mother that Sunday, the last thing he had expected was to see Holly Graham walking out of the front doors and into the parking lot. He was immediately incensed at the sight of her. How in the hell had she known about his mother? How the hell had she known his mother was even there? Why the hell was she sticking her nose in his business?

But she'd trudged straight toward her car, her hands visibly shaking as she fumbled with her car keys and her shoulders had been heaving up and down. Happy had never seen her in an emotional state such as that. As she'd wiped at her eyes with her forearm, only just managing to get her door open, she practically dove into the driver's seat and slammed the door shut. And then she'd completely broken down and for a moment, Happy forgot that he was still sitting astride his motorcycle. Sure, Happy had seen people lose it before. Tig when he lost his daughter, Lyla when she'd been beaten by the snuff porn assholes, Jax when Abel was taken, but this...he understood this. This wasn't just a broken heart, this was someone who was helpless to stop whatever it was that was happening to someone they loved. There was frustration, anger, and hurt, clearly etched into her pained face as she cried into her steering wheel. He got that. He'd felt it all when his Mom had first been diagnosed.

Happy understood her for the first time since he met her. She wasn't just some weird and awkward teenager that he kind of hung out with when he didn't want to have to deal with the club and all the bullshit that came with it. She was a normal person with real problems that he could relate to, even if she didn't know that.

And even though she was alone, she was fighting with all her might not to cry and Happy admired that. He admired her as he watched her let her head fall back against the headrest and stare unseeing through the windshield as the tears slowed to a halt and that mask of indifference that they both wore so well slipped back in place. She'd started her car, and driven out of the parking lot without a backward glance and Happy had been thinking of her and the way she'd cried until he'd seen her next.

So he'd asked about it as subtly as he could and more puzzle pieces had fallen into place. Until he found the cat in her freezer. Holy fuck, he had not seen that coming. And she'd been so blasé about it, like everyone had a dead cat just sitting in their freezer waiting for them to cut it open. She was just so fucking weird. And even weirder, he realized he was slightly into that. More than slightly.

Holly hadn't been repulsed when he'd skinned the cat in one go. She hadn't freaked out and squealed in disgust like any normal woman would. She'd been impressed. And Happy would have been lying if he said that that hadn't been a major turn on for him. If his phone hadn't gone off, there was a serious chance he would have tried something with her.

Now, Happy was laying in bed in his room at the clubhouse thinking about how a few hours earlier he'd finished skinning a cat with an eighteen year old girl that was way too skinny and it made him want to fuck her into oblivion. He wanted her long legs and arms wrapped tightly around him, nails digging so hard into his back that they drew blood while she screamed his name and begged him for more. He growled at himself. He was making this unnecessarily complicated for himself, which was what he had been trying to avoid in the first place. Hanging out with Holly had been so far removed from complication that he hadn't even factored in the possibility of finding her even remotely attractive at all.

He turned over on his stomach and punched his pillow. He really hoped Holly wasn't reading as much into this as he was because then he was well and truly fucked.


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't own anything. All the characters belong to Kurt Sutter. I'm just playing with his toys.**

 **It's kind of crazy how much of a response this has gotten. I kind of expected a couple of "oh, hey this was kind of cute. You should write more at some point." But it's been way more overwhelming than expected. It makes it easier to keep going. Every single one of you who favorites, follows, and reviews this story, I feel, is as much a contributor as I am. That may be an exaggeration, to some but it really makes me keep going.**

 **Okay, here's a message for Karina (I do like to answer my readers when they have questions or something concerns them) I'm glad you take issue with the age difference between Happy and Holly _because you should_. I would be really worried if it didn't at least go through your mind once. It's going to be a major issue. One of many. Age differences are a big deal.**

 **sheshe073: The cat. I actually had to dissect at cat in my anatomy class (no I'm not a vet or a doctor). I didn't steal one and keep it in my freezer. But skinning a cat really is harder than expected. I think we were supposed to dissect piglets because they're closer to the human anatomy, but they were too much for the school budget. So I never did have a cat in a freezer, but my anatomy teacher did put a dead raccoon in the dead cat freezer one day because she found it dead on the side of the road and decided we all had to touch it's feet and see how human they felt. I remember one of the guys from the football team yelling "why do you have a raccoon in the cat freezer?" None of us were fazed because she did crazy shit like this all the time and she was my absolute favorite teacher. In a way, she's my inspiration for Holly because she was just so out there and told the most outrageous stories. Anyway, I didn't find an opossum like you but we did find a raccoon in the cat freezer.**

 **Anyway, read, review, and enjoy.**

* * *

5\. Educational

* * *

"Th'bloody hell are ya doin', love?"

Holly and Lyla bother turned in unison to look at the Scotsman as he dismounted his bike and stood in the middle of the front yard looking up at them with eyebrows raised clear up into his hairline. Lyla smiled brightly at him and held her gloved hands up in front of her. "We're cleaning the gutters."

"Well, I got that much," Chibs snorted as he removed his sunglasses and watched as Lyla slowly descended the ladder to go and greet him, "but why?"

"Holly mentioned she needed to clean the gutters so I offered to help," she said with a shrugged once she neared him. She wound her arms around his waist and gave him a hard, quick kiss on the mouth. Holly rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything and went back to pulling leaves and other debris out of the near rusted through gutters. She was about to give up on the project. Most of the guttering _was_ rusted through in places and needed to be replaced, but she wanted to see just how extensive the damage was.

Chibs wrapped one of his own arms around the petite blonde and gave her a squeeze. "Yes, but you know that all ye 'ad to do was call me and I would 'ave sent the prospect and Rat over to take care of it."

"I do not want Jimmy the Creep anywhere near my gutters," Holly exclaimed loudly, making a face at the idea, "and I don't like Rat. He's a total Dick."

"Besides, it's not that hard and the kids are playing out back with Sully," Lyla said and gave another shrug. "And if we need help, we'll call Tig."

"You really think Tig knows how to clean gutters," Chibs scoffed, smirking as he imagined the vice-president cursing up a storm as he pulled mounds of wet moldy leaves out of the gutters. He really wanted to see that. "Maybe you should call him and the two a you can supervise. I'll even help."

Lyla shoved his shoulder and giggled, making him smirk even more. Holly mimed vomiting in the gutter as she continued to work. Being around Chibs and Lyla when the rest of the club was absent was like being forced to watch some bizarre Nicholas Sparks novel that was rewritten into some campy American Pie movie. Once Chibs had gotten comfortable with the idea of her being privy to their relationship, he'd become a lot more outspoken about his affection for Lyla and their rather lively sex life. It had been mentioned in front of her on several occasions that they had a camcorder in their bedroom and that it was used. Often. Good for them. She didn't want to know anymore about it. _Ever_.

There was the familiar roar of more motorcycles and Chibs and Lyla pulled away from one another reluctantly as five more motorcycles coasted onto the street and Holly watched as the rest of the Sons of Anarchy motorcycle club slowly wheeled their bikes up her driveway with a frown on her face. She turned her body toward them and looked down at the President with a raised eyebrow. He shrugged.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing," Tig asked after he had parked his bike and took his sunglasses off. Holly groaned inwardly. "I'm cleaning my gutters."

The dark haired man shook his head and waved her over. "Naw, get down from there. I'll have the prospect do that for you."

Holly stomped her foot against one of the aluminum rungs of the ladder and huffed at him. "I don't want the prospect to do it. I'll do it, it's my house. I know what I'm doing."

"It's too dangerous, Baby, you could fall," Tig argued over her, "now get your ass off that ladder."

"No," she snapped back, sticking her nose up in the air, "I won't do it."

So what if she was acting like a toddler? Tig was being an overprotective dick and he needed to understand that she was a big girl who could clean gutters just fine. She wasn't some helpless bimbo who didn't know the first thing about upkeep necessary in maintaining a house. To say otherwise was insulting.

"You get down from there right now," he snapped, pointing a finger at her. She stomped her foot again. "I said no! I'm almost finished!"

"Holly, honey, I can see it from here those things need replaced. There's no point in cleaning them out," he tried to reason her, clearly becoming cross with her refusal. "So, just come down and I'll take you to go get some new fucking gutters and help you put them up myself."

Well, Holly hadn't expected that. Tig had been soft on her in the past and she'd just assumed it was because Venus was one of her friends and Venus had made it a point to make sure all the men treated her with respect whenever she was around them, but now...She averted her gaze to her sneaker clad feet. The moment was turning awkward with everyone there watching them have some sort of weird father/daughter argument that neither one of them seemed to know how to address properly or cordially. Bickering was how they dealt with one another. She gave a one arm shrug. "Whatever."

"Okay, now come down here and get yourself cleaned up. We're having family dinner tonight." Once she reached the final rung of the ladder, he gripped her by the back of her neck and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, shoving her off toward the front door. She looked over her shoulder at him and watched as Tig turned his pale eyes toward the other men and pointed at the pile of gutter gunk on the lawn. "Rat, get over here and clean this shit up."

"I'll do it!" Holly looked up to find Jimmy halfway out of the black panel van and couldn't stop the grimace that crossed her face.

"Get back in the fucking van, prospect," Happy roared from his bike, "you're supposed to be at the house helping Vee, you useless shit!"

The bigger guy, Holly thought his name was Quinn, let out a low rumble of a laugh and crossed his arms across his broad chest. Happy sneered as he watched Jimmy lunge into the van and slam the door shut with wide eyes. One thing she noticed about the others was that they were terrified of Happy, even the President and Vice President sometimes looked at him like he was about to snap at any moment. Holly couldn't really see it. Yeah, he might go off on one of them and maybe threaten to kill them, but she really doubted he would beat the shit out of any of them without good reason.

As the van's tired squealed against the pavement when the vehicle peeled out, Tig started to cackle in amusement and Holly shook her head at him, smiling. "You guys are dicks."

"Aye, but ye love us for it," Chibs chuckled and she smirked at him, tugging her hair out of it's messy updo and running her fingers through it. "Yeah, but that just shows how fucked in the head I am."

"Have Daddy issues, do ya," he laughed. It was harmless ribbing and Holly saw it as such. "Oh yeah, big ones."

She turned to look at Tig, who was busy supervising Ratboy. "I'm gonna take a shower."

"Why?"

Holly gave him a look. "Because I'm covered in sweat and I'm sticky. Give me ten minutes."

"Well, don't be late or Venus will kick my ass."

Holly didn't bother to respond and just disappeared into the house, stripping herself of her dirty clothes once she reached her bedroom. She shut herself in the bathroom and started up the shower, waiting until the water warmed up enough and then jumped under the spray. Holly scrubbed her skin furiously and then shampooed her hair into a thick lather, relishing in the clean smelling lavender scented shampoo and conditioner set she had picked out. She loved smelling clean. Her bedroom may have been an utter pigsty and even her living room was a disaster zone on occasion, but she liked for things to smell clean and that included herself.

She was done showering in less than five minutes and she stumbled out of the steamy bathroom and into her room running her towel over her body as she tripped through the pile of dirty clothes strewn across the floor toward her dresser. "Tomorrow is definitely laundry day. Jesus," she muttered to herself as she fished out a pair of underwear, but was unable to come up with a clean bra. She yanked open the bottom drawer and pulled out a bikini top. It would have to do. It may have been a little tighter than it should've been since that minor growth spurt the summer before when her breasts had grown a from a B to a C, but it was the only suit she owned and it was clean and that was all that mattered as she tied it up. She put on a pair off cut off jean shorts and a plain, baggy white tee-shirt.

Holly was halfway finished pulling on one of her converse when she fell through the doorway to the living room, landing on her side in a heap. Luckily, the damp towel she'd slung over her shoulder absorbed most of the fall, but it still knocked some of the breath from her lungs. She let out a long-suffering sigh and pulled herself back up only to find Happy sitting on her couch, that infuriatingly blank look on his face as he watched her, as he sat that there like he owned the place. Never had she wanted to punch someone in the face so badly. Instead, she lifted the towel from her shoulder and rubbed hard at her scalp to get the water from her hair. "How many times do I have to tell you this is not your house and you can't just...be here? Seriously. Like, learn to fucking knock or something."

"Tig told me to wait to make sure you didn't take an hour."

Holly let out a groan of disgust and stalked back into her room and on through to her bathroom. "I don't need a fucking babysitter, Happy! I said ten minutes, it's been nine!"

"You're cutting it close," he called back and she rolled her eyes as she hung the towel on the towel rack and then quickly applied some eyeliner. She studied herself in the mirror and then nodded to herself in approval. She came back into the living room to find Happy bouncing his leg impatiently as he waited for her. "You done?"

"Yeah, let's go," Holly mumbled and she was halfway past him when he grabbed her wrist and jerked her to a stop, forcing her to look at him. "We gonna finish the cat tonight?"

She yanked her arm out of his grip and rubbed the abused flesh. He hadn't hurt her, but it felt wrong where he'd grabbed her. Like she'd been jolted by static and her skin itched. "Yeah, I guess. But I have to do my homework first. Then we can at least start on it."

He followed her out of the house, walking far too close for comfort. She could feel the heat radiating off him as he crowded her from behind and she had an odd sense that he was herding her. "Dude, do you mind? Back up."

He'd put his sunglasses back on and the only indication she had that he was looking at her was that he tilted his head down in her direction. "Prospect's staring at you."

"And," she asked snottily. Happy being in such close proximity was grating on her nerves more than anything she could remember in recent history and she didn't like it one bit. "Back up, Happy." She turned and smacked his shoulder with enough force to knock him back a step. His glare was instantaneous and he slapped her hand away from him hard enough that the sound echoed in the space around them. "Don't hit me, little girl."

Testing her luck, she slapped him back. "Don't get in my personal bubble, Cock Thistle."

Happy had no idea how to respond to that. Cock Thistle. That was new. He smacked at her again and she dodged it, some of the heat going out of her angry expression as she tried to figure out her next move. Holly tried to kick him in the shin. He grabbed ahold of her foot and pulled her, causing her other foot to go out from under her and she fell forward, just barely catching herself from face-planting in the grass while she shrieked in indignation. "Asshole!"

Happy didn't respond as he kept a firm grip on her foot and started to haul her closer by her leg. She let out another startled cry and clutched at the grass. "What are you doing?!" Again, he didn't respond and ignored the small crowd that was gathered in Tig and Venus's backyard as they watched, bewildered and speechless at the completely bizarre altercation going on in front of them. "Let me go!"

"No," was all he said as pulled her up by her waist and threw her over his shoulder and continued walking toward the backyard like he wasn't carrying some crazy teenaged girl over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. The skin on the back of her thighs was incredibly soft and smooth. His fingers itched to rub it, but he kept them still by gripping her legs nearly hard enough to bruise. Once he reached his brothers, he dropped her unceremoniously at their feet and she landed in a pile of limbs in the green grass.

She scowled up at him half-heartedly, obviously embarrassed at being manhandled so thoroughly. "I really hate you right now."

He shrugged at her and fell into the nearest deck chair, leg already bouncing with impatience. "So, when's dinner?"

Holly shook her head at him in disgust as she dusted the grass from the seat of her shorts. "Cock Thistle."

Happy smirked and rolled his toothpick around in his mouth. Venus sashayed over to the pair and immediately began fussing over the state of Holly's hair. "Oh, Sweet Darling, when was the last time you used a brush on that mane of fire?"

"It just needs to dry out and it'll be fine," she assured her absently. Jimmy took the opportunity to sidle up to her and she took a step closer to Venus. "How's it going, Holly?"

"Super," she replied drily, giving him a fake smile. She really didn't like Jimmy. He came on way too strong and he was always getting in her face and just leaning in too close. He was smothering in a way that was completely different from Happy, but just as uncomfortable. It made her skin crawl sometimes, the way he looked at her. Like he was thinking of all the things he wanted to do to her. He was just so obvious about it. She didn't bother asking him how he was doing and directed her attention elsewhere.

"Did you really have to be difficult for Killer?"

"He started it," she argued back at Tig, waving him off. "I tried being polite-" Happy scoffed at that, leg still bouncing, and she shot him a glare and kicked his leg for good measure. "but you can clearly see what I had to work with."

Holly settled down on the grass, crossing her legs under herself as everyone occupied the deck chairs and completely zoned out when the men began talking about their bikes, women, or whatever cars they were having trouble on at work. Lyla was busy talking to Venus about Red Woody. Once again, Holly was odd man out. Dropping her chin her hand, she mindless fiddled with her shoelace as she watched them all. She would much rather be at home studying. Or watching television. She wasn't really hungry and she wasn't really all that comfortable sitting around with everyone. There were too many people.

And Jimmy was staring at her again. Only now Rat was with him and he had the same mean smirk on his face that Cammie Showalter had when she was talking shit about her from her table in the cafeteria. Rat really didn't like her for some reason and she was fine with it. She didn't like him either.

Quinn mentioned something about Las Vegas and there was a chorus of laughter from some of the other men. She didn't ever want to know what they did in Vegas. That was just a recipe for disaster.

"You apply to any colleges yet," Tig asked suddenly from his place in front of the grill where he was flipping a couple New York strips. Holly nodded up at him. "Yeah, I'll probably end up out of state. Maybe. Probably go to a community college for the basics if-" She stopped talking mid-sentence and though Tig caught the suddenly watery expression on her face, he didn't comment on it. He merely nodded his head and continued on with what he was doing. "Sounds like you got it all figured out. You'll be a great veterinarian, Holly. You're good with animals. Cookie loves you."

The dog in question looked up and over to her master from her place on the deck and her tail thumped hair against the wood. Holly snapped her fingers and beckoned the dog over. Cookie was lounging halfway in her lap in an instant. Holly gave her a quick hug and fawned over her silently while she watched Tig.

"You sure you don't want a beer, kiddo?" Tig was always calling her pet names. So was Venus. It was like she was living next door to parents. They were always checking up on her. She kind of liked it. It was nice to know someone was looking out for her still when her Pop couldn't do it anymore. Cookie's tongue laved over the underside of her chin and Holly made a face as she wiped the dog's slobber from her face. "No, I don't drink."

"Then what do you have beer at your place for? Who's drinking it that I gotta replace it every other day, huh? You got a boyfriend you're not telling me about."

Holly refused to even glance in Happy's direction. He may not have been watching them, but she could tell just by his distant demeanor he was sure as hell listening. "No, but I have friends over sometimes."

"Like who?"

"Just...friends. We study."

"Well, how come I never see any cars?"

"I drive them because they don't have a car."

"So, you have one friend who comes over all the time, that I've never met, who drinks all your beer."

"Yes."

It was a serious stare down, but Holly refused to budge. Sure, her and Happy weren't exactly doing anything bad, but that didn't mean she wanted anyone knowing about it. Just thinking about all the questions and teasing made her want to cringe. Instead, she blinked up at Tig Trager with wide, innocent eyes. And he pinned her with a piercing look. "You're up to something."

"Alexander, if Holly has a gentlemen caller, it is none of your business," Venus chastised, coming up to him and lightly swatting his chest. Tig seemed slightly mollified by that. Venus was his soft spot. If you wanted Tig to do something or you wanted him to lay off you, you went to her and she took care of it. Venus turned to look at her with an overly romantic look in her eyes. "Young love may be fickle and fleeting but it can be full of passion and romance."

"Okay." What else was she supposed to say to that? Like hell did she expect someone like Happy Lowman, who liked her for her weed and nothing else, to show up on her doorstep with a dozen roses while he read her a sonnet. She didn't want anybody bringing her roses or reading her sonnets or taking her out to fancy restaurants or doing anything else considered romantic. That all sounded so awkward and unenjoyable.

"We all need a little romance in our live, Sugar." Sometimes, Holly wondered if Venus was psychic. Holly pretended she didn't understand what Venus was trying to tell her, but Venus seemed to see right through that as well and she simply smiled wider like she knew a hell of a lot more than she was letting on. Holly averted her gaze to Cookie and gave the pit bull's head a hug. Cookie liked hugs now. She'd hated them for a long time, but Holly had babied her for so long that she finally gave in and basked in any and all attention the eighteen year old was willing to dole out.

"You're using protection right?" Of course there had been a lull in conversation through out the backyard. Holly might as well have set herself on fire because her face was hot with embarrassment and she imagined her face was as red as her hair at that point.

"Alexander, such questions should not be asked of a young lady such as Holly in the presence of company such as this."

"Or just ever, you know," she muttered darkly to herself, trying to ignore the way everyone was staring holes into her body like they were trying to figure out just when she'd last had sex. It had been a while and she was going to keep it that way.

When dinner was served, Holly ended up sandwiched between Quinn and Happy, with Jimmy sitting directly across from her, still staring. Only now, he looked somber, and she could just barely make out the indignation in his eyes as he watched her. She didn't even want to know what his problem was with her. She hadn't done anything and even if she did, it wasn't his business. None of it was anyone's business.

"You're not much of a talker." Holly looked up at Quinn, who was watching her with an expression quite near identical to the one Happy always sported, but it was less intimidating. However, Quinn's size made up for that in spades. She scooted away from him in her seat, which he seemed to pick up on and he scoffed silently. Holly stabbed at her food with her fork and gave a timid shrug. "I try to avoid it."

"So what do you do when you're not in school?"

"I work at the local shelter."

Rat had his arms crossed over his chest looking unimpressed and hell bent on making her life miserable. "Oh, yeah, what do you do there? Are you one of those glorified puppy-petters?"

"No," she said slowly, trying to figure out why he was always so Goddamn hostile toward her. "I actually spend all my time in the back office working on their archaic filing system. The other girl that works there has been trying to get in on it because it looks like easy work-which it is-but she doesn't even know how to use Goggle Search, so that's not happening."

"They have any problems with over-crowding?"

Holly dropped her fork on her plate, her appetite officially non-existent. "We're a kill shelter if that answers your question." She spoke quietly. The conversation around the table dimmed a bit at that and Chibs spoke up in an effort to add some levity. "Hap, where 'ave you been disappearing off to?"

"Had some business to take care of." While it was nice to know she wasn't the only one who was going to get the third degree about this, that didn't make her any less anxious. How much longer could they keep doing this before one of them got sick of all the questions and just put a stop to it? Holly liked having him around. It made her feel like she was being social without really putting a real effort in.

The man in question was already finished eating and he was leaning back in his chair, fiddling with the toothpick in his mouth as he bounced his leg under the table. Sully poked his head up in between Happy's legs, causing him to bump into her leg roughly. She jerked her leg away violently, bothered by the feelings it stirred in her chest and abdomen. Happy didn't seem to notice as he rubbed Sully under chin with a small smile on his face.

Another hour of useless small talk and Holly finally managed to slip away and over to her house. She collapsed on her couch, joint in hand, letting the relaxed sensation float through her entire being slowly. It was a nice feeling and all the tension release from her body slowly. Sometimes, she thought it felt just like floating on a raft in the middle of a pool.

"Thought you had homework."

She propped herself up on one elbow and looked at him. After the third degree she'd received, she'd fully expected him to keep his distance for either as long as possible or indefinitely. It was a ballsy move coming over as soon as she left. At least one person would have picked up on it. Holly, took a prolonged hit off the joint and toed her shoes off letting them fall over the side of the couch haphazardly. He gave her a dark look as he picked them up and sat them over near her bookcase. She smirked at him and moved to sit up.

"I might just do it during first period. It's not that much."

"Wanna finish the cat tonight?"

"Yeah," she agreed finally and he fell onto the couch. Annoyed at him for usurping half of the space she'd been occupying, Holly stubbornly refused to move her legs dropping them across his lap with a bit of force. Instead of an angry curse followed by shoving like she had expected, Happy draped his arm over her legs like it was an everyday occurrence, his hand curving over the knob of her knee. Holly swallowed hard against the sudden dryness in her throat. This was getting out of hand and she had no idea how to get it to stop.

* * *

"Hold his legs down! They keep popping up." In response to her command, Happy held the dead cat's forepaws to the sides more firmly and their was a crunch as the bones protested. "C'mon, you almost got it."

Holly cracked the sternum open further and it snapped audibly. Neither of them were too bothered by the sound. "Okay, first, I need to separate the heart and the liver and the gall bladder. I can do that."

Happy watched intently as she carefully cut away the tissue connecting the organs. It was strange to watch someone else cutting something (or someone) open, removing whole organs, with their hands not covered in blood. Nobody was standing there with them flinching at every scream. It was nice in a morbid way. Calming. And the scowl of concentration she worse was a little attractive.

He lowered his eyes to watch the scalpel move. She was so precise. He shifted in his chair, careful to keep a hold on the cat, and cleared his throat. He had to be one sick motherfucker to get this turned on by watching a girl dissect a fucking cat. An image of her helping him work, gloved hands covered in blood flashed through his mind and that made it worse. He really needed to distract himself from this. Let her work without him thinking dirty about her. That wasn't what he came here for. He came over to get stoned and enjoy the quiet. No way in hell was he here to get his dick wet.

"So what'd those bitches want at the diner last week?"

She glanced up at him, her eyes flashing with surprise, but she answered anyway. "Some guy's gonna ask me to Winter formal. They wanted to know if I'm gonna say yes."

"Winter formal? That like a dance or some shit?"

Her lip curled in disgust and she nodded before she smiled triumphantly and laid the heart down on the table top. She quickly moved on to the liver, licking her lips. He had to make a conscious effort not to start bouncing his leg impatiently. "Well, you gonna go?"

"Fuck no," she outright scoffed at the idea. "I'd have to buy a dress, get my hair done, nails. That's not my thing. And I don't even know the guy. I think we had one class together freshman year and that was it. We never even talked."

She paused abruptly and looked up at him with thoughtful expression. "Did you ever go to a school dance?"

He stared hard at her as if she had lost her mind. "No."

She smirked at his immediate response. "Didn't think so. I can't really picture you in a tux."

He'd never worn a tux in his life and he didn't plan on it ever. He glared at her anyway, but she had already focused her attention back on her work. "Okay, liver's out, gall bladder. Now I have to separate the stomach from the Pylorus."

Once she was done, they sat back in their chairs, staring at the dismembered feline in silence. Happy crossed his arms over his chest. "Smells in here now."

"Yeah, it's making my nose itch," Holly admitted, rubbing at the aforementioned appendage with her forearm and then she sniffled. He looked up at her. "I can get rid of this for you if you don't need it anymore."

"Yeah, we're gonna dissect another one this week, so I think I got enough practice."

Happy let his eyes run over her, taking in her expression and her facial features. Holly leaned farther back in her chair reflexively and eyed him warily. "What?"

"You know, when you become a vet, it'll be different," he told her quietly, "there'll be blood."

She glowered at him then and crossed her arms before she pushed away from the table and went to dig some cleaning supplies from the cabinet below the kitchen sink. "Don't you think I know that? I know."

He nodded wordlessly and stood, gathering up the disemboweled cat carcass and tossed it in the plastic bag she gave him, bagging it in a second and third one. Holly sprayed down the kitchen table with disinfectant and scrubbed at it furiously. Either she was really serious about cleanliness or she was seriously pissed at him for implying she wouldn't be able to stomach her chosen career path.

He reached for the doorknob and then turned to her at the last second, his mouth open before he even managed to process what he was doing, "You want me to come back?"

Holly stopped to look up at him. Her long red hair had fallen out of her messy bun and she was halfway bent over the table. He could just barely make out the tiniest bit of cleavage hidden beneath her tank top. Smallish tits had never done anything for him, but hers were apparently a whole different story.

"Would you listen to me?"

"No," he replied honestly, still trying to understand why he cared whether or not she wanted him to come back or not. He was probably going to crash on her couch regardless of what she said. And while this wasn't the first time she'd ever lived on her own, it was the first time she hadn't been surrounded by neighbors on all sides. It was kind of comforting having someone as intimidating and dangerous as Happy around.

He was halfway out the door when her mouth opened and words she hadn't meant to speak came out. "You can come back!"

They both froze, neither one knowing how to react to whatever was going on between them. The atmosphere was so much more charged and there was an urgency to it neither one was familiar with. Holly was the first to move. She tossed the cleaning supplies back under the sink and slammed the cabinet door loudly, breaking Happy out of whatever spell he too had been under.

"Be back in an hour," he told her and slammed the door after himself. The sound was deafening and it should have made her jumped, but it didn't. Happy's Harley didn't start up right away and she'd figured out several days ago that he was rolling it down the street to keep Tig and Venus from hearing it and coming outside to investigate. That in itself was enough to make her feel like they had crossed some boundary they shouldn't have. But she chalked it up to the two of them liking their privacy. Any friendship the two of them had would be considered weird and questionable at best and there would be invasive questions. They didn't want to have to put up with that in the least.

And everyone would just assume it was sexual when it wasn't. Happy was a good looking guy. The best looking member of SAMCRO in her opinion, but he was also a lot older than her and they had barely anything in common other than an astounding lack of social skills. Plus, she was very, very aware of how often Happy liked to mess around with the crow eaters. Since Tig had committed himself to Venus completely, Happy had taken top honors as the crow eater favorite and number one repeat "customer".

And Lyla was ninety-nine percent sure that he was banging Diosa Norte's golden girl, Winsome. Lyla had told her that whenever there was a club party at Teller-Morrow, she was the one Happy always dragged back to the room. And he didn't kick her out. Holly didn't know why, but that bothered her a great deal and it left a very sour taste in her mouth.

Deciding not to dwell on that particular train of thought, Holly went into the living room and gathered up her textbooks and papers, organizing them in her backpack, which she then sat on the kitchen table. She set about closing every window in the house before she finally retreated to her bed room to get ready for bed and then collapsed on the pile of blankets and pillows strewn over the mattress, letting out a sigh of contentment. She loved her bed, loved sleeping in it. It was heaven.

Happy came back an hour later, just as he had said, to find Holly sprawled out in the middle of her bed above the covers. The overly large tee-shirt she was wearing had ridden up and he was reminded yet again of just how long her legs were. Without removing his kutte, Happy fell back on the couch and lapsed into sleep as well.


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't own anything. All the characters belong to Kurt Sutter. I'm just playing with his toys.**

 **You guys are seriously awesome. However, not to step on any toes, I won't be updating every day like I have been. It's not because I don't want to, but because this is chapter six and I'm still working on ten, so if I keeping updating at the rate I am, I'm going to run out of stuff to post and they'll be fewer and far between. Plus, while I can write a chapter in one day, that's not taking the time in that I have to sit there and re-read it and reread previous chapters to make sure I'm doing this story justice. And I have a life where I have to do things and while writing is what I would like to do all the time, it's just not feasible. I'm sorry. But I'm brimming with creativity for this story. Of the three I've posted, it's my favorite. So, no worries, I will keep posting, just not every day. I'll try to keep it to every other day or every two days. I promise I'm working as hard as I can on this.**

 **Read, review, and enjoy.**

* * *

6\. Gossip

* * *

Holly had finally gotten all of the filing for 2015 up to date. She was celebrating by sitting at the front desk with her legs kicked up on the desk while she listened to "Silver Bells" playing on the adult contemporary station. There was tinsel garland hung all over the room, a miniature Santa perched on the counter, and a dish of Hershey's Peppermint kisses next to it.

Tonight was the Winter Formal. Despite the impression Cammie Showalter had given her, Aaron Foster had not asked her to go with him and she was relieved. In fact, she was happy to be stuck at the shelter de-worming stray puppies and kittens instead. Greg had been busy spaying and neutering the animals left and right with her help and now her scrubs smelled strongly of disinfectant and it was making her head ache. Coffee hadn't helped so she'd resorted to bottled water.

It was two hours until closing and the only sound was coming from the radio. Holly was in heaven. The front door opened and she looked up with a frown when Jimmy came in through the door. He looked troubled. She sat up and looked at him over the high counter. "What are you doing here?"

He frowned right back at her and then slowly ventured around the counter and held out a leash toward her. Cheech was at the other end, wagging his tail end happily as he looked up at her. "Happy and Quinn had to go on a run. Happy told me to drop him off with you."

Holly took the leash from him and unclipped it. Cheech crawled under the desk and laid down obediently. She looked back up at Jimmy who was watching her with that same frown on his face. "You have any idea when they'll be back?"

"A couple of days," he guessed with a shrug, "maybe a week at the most."

"Think Tig or Chibs would mind if I dropped him and Sully off at the garage while I'm in school?"

"No, it wouldn't be a big deal," he assured her, "they get along with Cookie, so I doubt he'd care."

"Okay, cool," she replied and they fell into an awkward silence. Unable to stand it, Holly swiveled her chair toward him, dropping her feet onto the linoleum floor. Even though he wasn't giving her that creepy look he tended to, it was still bothersome the way he was just staring at her like he had something he really needed to say to her."What's up, Jimmy?"

He looked down at the floor and then up at her as he crossed his arms, obviously having trouble deciding whether or not he should say whatever it was he was thinking about saying. "So, are you and Happy like, friends, or something? I mean, he lets you watch his dog, but you guys aren't really around each other. But you guys act like you're cool with one another at Tig and Vee's."

"I guess we're friends," she said with a shrug of one shoulder. She fingered the edge of a manila folder that was sitting in a filing tray. It was full of papers waiting for Greg to sign them. Holly looked back to Jimmy, who was watching her like he was trying to figure out just what that meant. "I like his dog."

"You know, he's been giving me a lot of shit lately," he admitted finally, "like, a lot. More than the other guys and I don't know why. I can't get patched in if the vote isn't unanimous."

"That sucks." He nodded in agreement and leaned on the edge of the counter. "I really wanna patch in."

"Then you gotta take all the shit he gives you. Every Prospect does, right?" He nodded his head absently at that and tapped the countertop thoughtfully. "I better go."

"Okay, see ya, Jimmy." Holly watched him leave as he waved at her over his shoulder. She felt bad for him and that may have had to do with the fact that he hadn't been quite so creepy toward her for once. She let out a long sigh and reached down to pet Cheech, who eagerly bent forward.

"I thought you said you didn't hang out with any of them."

Holly jumped and turned to find Greg standing in the doorway of the office with a judgmental frown on his face. She mirrored his expression and faced him fully. "They're not bad people. And I don't really hang out with them all that much. Just some of their old ladies."

Greg didn't seem too pleased with that answer, but opted to change the subject. "Why didn't you ask off for that school dance? Janet did."

Holly snorted derisively. "School dances aren't my thing. I don't really dig the whole school scene aside from the academic."

"You're a very responsible young lady," he told her seriously, "there's not many a high school student who would pass up a dance in favor of work."

She didn't say anything, just handed him the manila folder. "There's some stuff in there for you to sign."

He took it from her without a word and disappeared back into the office and Holly propped her feet back up on the desk. "White Christmas" was now playing on the radio and she decided that once she got home she would bake some cookies and watch "Home Alone" with the dogs. It was shaping up to be a good night.

* * *

Holly really loved Christmas. It was her favorite time of year and she'd strung twinkle lights through-out every room in her house and even managed to talk Tig into stringing them up outside. Sure, no one would be driving up their street to see it, but it was really only for her and she enjoyed them and that was all that mattered. While the house was crowded with two large dogs, it was still as homey as ever and it was nice having to canines cuddled up around her while she worked on the mountains of homework she'd been assigned over the break.

She'd even mustered up the courage to spend a few hours at the clubhouse to help Lyla keep the kids entertained, which had been tiring but not as much of a drag as she'd thought. Mostly, she played Xbox with Kenny and Piper while Lyla and Ellie bonded over boys and haircare products. She'd even let them mess with her hair while she played Halo and Call of Duty. It had been a lot more fun that she'd expected.

"Oh, hey, is Happy back?" Holly looked up from her game to see Winsome walk in through the front Clubhouse door. She'd spotted Cheech laying out behind Holly on the floor. Holly turned back to her game just as Kenny blew her up with a grenade while he cackled. "Little shit," she muttered under her breath and he laughed even louder.

Lyla was busy pulling Ellie's hair up in a high ponytail as she answered. "No, he's still on a run with Quinn."

"Then what's his dog here for," the brunette asked, clearly confused. Holly rolled her eyes, decidedly keeping out of the conversation. She didn't want anything to do with Winsome or her relationship with Happy. Just thinking about it made her stomach clench bad enough that she felt like she might be sick. It also made her want to punch them both in the face, which was very disconcerting.

"He left him with Holly."

"Why?" Her tone was accusatory and her eyes narrowed at the back of Holly's head. Holly glared up at the television screen. Lyla answered for her thankfully. "Because that's who he always leaves Cheech with. You know that."

"I thought they were coming back today."

Holly zoned out of the conversation and Piper leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Mom can't stand her, either."

She blinked her hazel eyes at him in surprise and Piper smiled at her kindly. Piper was incredibly empathetic toward others. It was one of the first things she'd learned about him. He was also the shyest.

The loud rumble of Harleys pulling into the lot broke the pair from the silent conversation they were having and Lyla looked over at Winsome with a bland expression. "There they are."

Instead of leaving like Holly had hoped, the petite escort seated herself at the bar. Holly went back to her game, Kenny shoved her and she fumbled with her controller, dropping it. She cursed, while Kenny cackled and mowed her down with a needler. She grabbed him in a headlock. "You little cheat," she exclaimed, laughing at him.

"You suck at this game, Holly!"

"I do not! I haven't played in years and you're cheating," she said, sticking her nose in the air. Kenny grinned up at her and she smiled.

The clubhouse door slammed open and Cheech was on his feet and whining happily as his owner stomped into the room followed by Quinn. Happy rubbed the dog under the jaw. "Hey Buddy." He dropped his bag near the couch and crouched down in front of Cheech, patting and rubbing down the dog with a small smile on his face. He turned toward Holly, his eyes locking immediately with hers and she wondered how he'd known where she was without having looked before. "Has he been good?"

"He's always good. You know Sully's the troublemaker." Happy seemed to scoff in agreement at that answer and it made her grin. "Everything go okay?"

"Fucking cakewalk."

He reached over and unzipped his duffle, digging around in it. He pulled out something wrapped in cellophane and tossed it to her. "Merry Christmas, Holly."

Holly grabbed it out of the air and turned it over in her hands, blinking. She had no idea what to make of this, of him openly giving her gifts. "Are these what I think they are?"

The grin he gave her could only be described as shit-eating. "Had Bowie's old lady whip them up for you. Told her to make them 'extra special'. And there's fudge."

"That was really...thoughtful of you," she managed to stumble over her words. Everyone was staring at her openly. "Thanks, Happy."

He shrugged like it was no big deal, but she could tell he knew that he was the only one who would see it that way. He was watching Cheech studiously. "Ain't no big deal. Had to pay you back for watching my dog somehow."

"I'll watch him for you next time if you want, Happy," Winsome told him, her voice soft and sweet as she flashed him a wide smile that was every inch as innocent as she wasn't. Holly heard Lyla snort in disgust behind her. Piper leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Told you Mom hates her."

Happy didn't even bother to look up. "No, he likes Holly the most. And I know she'll take care of him."

Holly didn't understand why, but knowing Happy trusted her with something so important to him made her feel extremely warm all over and it did wonders for her ego. He zipped up his duffle and hauled it over his shoulder as he stood and disappeared down the hall toward his room with Winsome trotting right after him, her heels clacking against the floor and setting Holly's teeth on edge. Holly turned back to the television and Kenny picked up the controller with a muttered "finally!"

The redhead shoved him in the shoulder playfully and mussed his hair.

" _What was **that**_ ," Lyla breathed out from her place on the couch, her eyes were the size of dinner plates as both she and Ellie gaped openly. Holly shrugged as nonchalantly as possible, though her movements came out more jerky than she had intended. "He usually buys me beer when I watch Cheech. Guess he was just trying to even it up a bit since I watch him so much."

"No," Lyla argued, drawing the one syllable word out as much as possible. "He was trying to use it as an excuse to give you a _Christmas present_!"

"I think he said that as a joke."

"Are you guys, like, seeing each other," Lyla asked, ignoring Holly's excuses and openly questioning her. Holly shook her head back and forth almost violently. "No, we are not."

"Are you guys...you know," she asked significantly, and Holly's eyes widened. "We are definitely _not_ doing _that_."

"Why not? Remember what you said?"

She frowned at her friend then. "Yeah, and I also said that didn't mean I wanted to. You asked a hypothetical question and I gave you an answer."

"So you're saying if you were given the opportunity, you'd wouldn't? You'd turn him down?"

Holly opened and closed her mouth several times. She hadn't even considered it a possibility, what she would do or say if it ever came down to it. The thought had never crossed her mind. Yeah she was attracted to him physically. Happy was nice to look at, but that didn't mean she wanted to sleep with him. Not up until now. Lyla was filling her head full of ideas she didn't want to entertain in the least. It made things complicated and she had a good thing going. "That's neither here nor there, Lyla. It's not going to happen. Ever. So just drop it and move on."

Lyla's expression was completely crestfallen and even Ellie looked a little disappointed. "But why? I mean he's...nice."

"Nice," Holly choked out on a laugh. "That's the word you use to describe Happy Lowman? Nice? Why not intense, aloof? Abrasive! Abrasive would be the best word for him." She smiled smugly to herself, glad that she was able to throw Lyla's own description of the man back in her face.

The corners of Lyla's mouth pulled down into a frown. "You're not wrong, but you guys seem to get along."

"I also get along with Tig and Chibs and Quinn and Jimmy, but I'm not going to sleep with any of them either," Holly pointed out as she turned to focus back on the game. Kenny was still kicking her ass and it was time for payback if she could manage to pull it off. The kid was damn good. "That kind of stuff complicates things. Emotions, life choices, work, school. You know I'm right. I've seen that play out and I've experienced it, too.

"This is my Senior year and I've got a lot riding on it. My GPA is sitting right at a 4.0, I can't afford to just sacrifice precious time that I could spend on studying to deal with a relationship or non-relationship. This is important to me. It's my future. Which will last way more than some fling with a biker."

Lyla pursed her lips and watched her friend sadly. "Why are you putting so much pressure on yourself?"

"Because I want this, Lyla. I want it really bad," she explained quietly, "look, I know it may not seem like a big deal if I don't keep a perfect GPA going, but it's important to me. I need this for me. I need it more than I need some guy telling me I'm pretty or whatever just so he can get in my pants."

"I think it's cool of you," Ellie said quietly and the other four turned to look at her. She gave Holly a weak smile. "My Dad and Mom dropped out of high school to have me. I'm going to finish high school. I have to, too."

Holly nodded in understanding. Lyla was looking at her step-daughter, speechless. "Ellie, you'll finish high school. I'm going to make sure of it."

Holly tossed the controller down and glared over at Kenny, who was smiling at her smugly. She rolled her eyes and then stood up, stretching and she reached for her messenger bag. She pulled it open and took out the folded up scrubs she'd packed. "I gotta get ready for work. I promised Janet I'd cover her shift so she could go on some date."

"It's your only day off this week," Lyla complained, "I thought we could go shopping with Vee later. I asked Chibs to watch the kids and everything!"

"Yeah, but I need the money. I've got bills to pay and college to save for." She held up the clothes. "I gotta change. Can you watch Sully until my shift is over?"

Lyla nodded and Holly went into the clubhouse bathroom, locking the door. She changed as quickly as she could and then unlocked the door, stepping out into the hall. Just as she shut the door behind herself, balancing her folded up clothes on one hand, the door across the hall opened and Winsome stumbled out the door as she pulled up one of the shoulder straps on her dress and tried to pat down her hair. Winsome smirked when she caught sight of Holly, whose eyebrows had risen clear into her hairline. It was pretty clear what she'd been doing in there. Holly didn't like the way it made her stomach drop and turn over. Or the way she felt like storming into Happy's room and asking what the hell he was playing at (she didn't care...did she?)

"Don't act like you're not jealous," She sneered up at the teenager before her. Holly choked as she tried to smother down a laugh, feeling uncharacteristically irate. Why should she be pissed about what she'd been doing and who she'd been doing it with? Why? She was pissed. Which was crazy and kind of hilarious when she didn't think about how sad and pathetic it actually was. Happy Lowman and his army of skanks were really starting to become a problem.

"Yes, because giving mediocre blowjobs is every girl's dream," Holly bit out meanly, feeling herself smirk when Winsome's face flushed with indignity. She raised her hand flat in the air and then held it up over the woman before her, letting it hover over Winsome's head as she slowly lowered it to within an inch of her hair. "Such little dreams for such a little person."

"At least I know how to please a man," the tiny brunette scoffed. "I doubt you'd know what a dick was even if someone shoved one up your ass."

"Anal sex jokes, cute." Holly narrowed her eyes. "Is Winsome your real name? Because I doubt you were named for your absolutely 'winning' personality."

Winsome let out a squeak of outrage and Holly rolled her eyes. "Look, I would love to stick around and listen to more of your completely savage insults, but I've got to get to work."

She turned to leave when Winsome, grabbed her arm and tugged her back. "You know, he'll never love you."

Holly shook her off and let out a sigh. "No. But he'll never love you, either. And unlike you, I don't care."

And for the most part, she really didn't.

* * *

Holly was not in the mood to listen to Janet about her date with her new boyfriend, Andy. He was second string on the varsity football team and while he sounded like an alright guy, what Janet was saying made it sound like she was using him as a stepping stone toward the threshold of popularity.

They were in the middle of washing a border collie mix that was being very difficult and their scrubs were nearly soaked through, but Janet would not stop talking to focus on what they were doing. That was why they were soaked in the first place. Greg had left for the day, but was on call if they needed him.

"We're going to Aaron Foster's New Year's Eve party," the girl told her excitedly, "You're friends with him. You should come with us!"

"I am not friends with Aaron Foster," she said as she tried to hose the dog down and rinsed the soap from its thick fur, "I don't even know what he looks like."

"He's a running-back on varsity! You know, dark hair, blue eyes, really tall! He sat behind you in Chemistry!"

Holly was at a loss and she squinted into the distance as she tried in vain to put a face to his name. Finally, she shook her head. "I have no idea who this guy is, Janet. I'm telling you, I've never talked to him."

Janet shrugged and ran her fingers through the dog's coat, trying to help push off more of the soap. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter since you're seeing that biker."

Holly inadvertently dropped the hose and bent to retrieve it quickly. "What the fuck? No, I'm not!"

"That's not what Cammie Showalter and Tiffany Thompson have been telling everyone."

"Oh yeah, what exactly have they been telling everyone?" That was just the partially digested cherry on the shitcake, wasn't it?

"That they saw you eating breakfast at the diner with the one with the tattoo on his head," she practically whispered, " _did you_?"

Holly visibly cringed. Oh my God, how many people were talking about this? Was it just people at school? What if kids had told their parents? What if the whole town knew?! "Yeah, but I was there eating and he just came in and sat at my booth like I fucking invited him or something when I didn't!"

Janet let out a high-pitched squeal, scaring the border collie mix, and it started to squirm even more. Janet held it more firmly in place, never moving her eyes away from Holly, who could feel herself turning red with shame. "So, you guys are talking, right? Like, _talking_ talking, right? That is so cool. You're talking to an older man."

"No, I'm not!" Holly was mildly repulsed by the accusation. Mildly. This was so bad. "He's like forty. That's really weird." But _they_ were weird. Ugh.

"You know, I bet that's why Cammie's been on your case so much at school lately," Janet informed her thoughtfully. "Dating one of the guys in the club gives you a lot of pull in this town. And it tells people you're a freak in the sack. You know, cause they have all those girls that will do whatever they want with no strings attached. People think it means you're amazing in bed if one of them is willing to make you their girlfriend."

"You know they still get to sleep with those skanks even after they make you their old lady."

"Really?" Janet's face scrunched up in disgust when Holly nodded and her shoulders dropped. "That's disgusting. No way in hell would I touch one of those guys. Can you imagine how many STDs you'd be at risk for?"

Holly scoffed in agreement and they started drying off the collie. Half a dozen dogs later and they were done for the day. By the time Holly got home, she was exhausted and she barely managed to drag herself into the shower. She staggered back into her bedroom and got dressed and then fell back on the couch, sifting through the pile of mail on her coffee table.

A bright red envelope caught her attention and she plucked the car from the pile as Sully jumped up onto the couch beside her. She wound her arm around the dog and kissed his head as she opened the envelope and pulled out the Hallmark Christmas card inside. All it said inside was "Season's Greetings" and no one had signed it. She flipped the card over and over in her hand, trying to find any hint of who it could have been that had sent it. There was no return address on the bright red envelope the card had arrived in and finally, she dropped them both on the coffee table without another thought. It was probably from the bank or some other business trying to pull in more customers.

She perked up when she managed to find a channel playing "It's a Wonderful Life" and she stretched out on the couch, resting her head on Sully's stomach. She was fast asleep within minutes.


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't own anything. All the characters belong to Kurt Sutter. I'm just playing with his toys.**

 **Okay, seriously, I don't know how to even respond to how much steam this is picking up. All the reviews and favorites and follows are just amazing and I love it and I'm so thankful. SPARKELS77, I see your "3" and raise you "4", which is a superior number because it is one more than "3" and also because this is the month of April, which is the fourth month.**

 **I'm on chapter 11 after I did a massive rewrite on 7-10, and it is a bitch to write. My God. So much shit. So many emotions. Ugh, not writer's block, just a healthy dose of "how the hell do I write this" and I kind of sit here and stare and rewrite the same paragraph over and over. It's exhausting and I love it, but that's not what's important. What's important is, this is the same drill as last update. If I can finish off Chapter 11 (not counting the edit) by the end of tomorrow, you get chapter 8 on Friday. And it's a great Chapter. There's a lot on Happy in that one.**

 **So read, review, and enjoy.**

* * *

7\. Holidaze

* * *

For the rest of her Christmas vacation, Holly had made sure to pick up extra shifts at the shelter, the extra income is what she said had appealed to her. But really, she didn't want to hear anymore questions about Happy. And she didn't want to see him, either. Luckily for her, he seemed to have picked up on it and he hadn't been around since he'd come back from the run. Chances were he was off somewhere with Winsome getting his dick ridden and she didn't want that thrown in her face by anyone.

She was again lounging on the couch mindlessly binging on made-for-tv Christmas movies of the Hallmark Channel variety just as she had been doing for the past two years. It was nice to throw out pithy little remarks about how unrealistic they were, but this year, she was coming up short and she couldn't really figure out why. The pot brownie she'd ingested earlier hadn't helped and instead, it seemed to have made her particularly depressed. She'd cried a couple times, which was mortifying even if no one had seen her do so.

She had hidden the brownies in the back of the refrigerator and gone back to sleep when her phone rang. There was loud noise echoing through the earpiece and she yanked it away from her head in surprise. "Holly, where are you?"

"What do you mean, where am I?"

"The club's New Year's Eve party! It was tonight!"

She slapped a hand over her head and slid down further on the couch. "I had to work and I forgot. Besides, I'm not really up for the partying."

"Everybody is here!" Lyla was nearly screeching into the receiver. Holly cringed at the high pitch. "Well, good for them."

"I'm sending someone over to get you. Be ready when they swing by." The line went dead and Holly tossed her phone on the table and then rushed to take a quick shower. How she managed to style her hair, pick out an outfit, and put on her make up before anyone came to get her, she'd never know. There was a polite knock on the door and Holly went to answer it. Jimmy froze when he saw her. "Holy shit! You're wearing a dress!"

"Yes," she said slowly as she shut the door behind herself and then locked it. "I've been known to do that."

He gave her a wide smile and for once it wasn't creepy. It was sincere. "You look great, Holly. And you definitely look classier than most of the women at the party."

She gave him a thankful smile and brushed her hair out of her face. "Well, thanks, Jimmy that was really sweet of you. Is the party going to be rough? I mean, nobody's gonna get too grabby, right?"

Jimmy opened her door with a thoughtful expression. "You might want to stay outside. Most of that shit goes on in the clubhouse and...it gets real bad in there."

"Maybe I shouldn't go." She started to step out of the van and he stepped in front of her to stop her. "No, no, no. I promise, you'll be okay. I'll stay with you if you want!"

"You would, really?"

"I don't think Chibs or Tig would mind and it would be the lightest bitch work I'd get tonight. I mean, the only other thing I could be doing is running around getting everyone a beer."

They pulled out of the driveway and Holly shook her head at his words. "Can't even enjoy a party without being shat on, huh?"

"I'll patch in in six months and it'll be good."

"You patch in in six months," she asked incredulously. "That's a really long time!"

He grinned over at her, obviously proud. "Yeah, I got awhile."

When they pulled into Teller-Morrow, the crush of people flooding the parking lot was astounding. And daunting. Holly couldn't help but curse under her breath as she watched the mass stagger around one another, the patrons rubbing up against one another sinfully. She cringed into herself. "Oh, God, I'm gonna need a beer. Or ten."

She swung her door open when they parked and put her head between her knees, breathing in and out slowly. Jimmy was out of the van and at her side in a second. "Shit, are you gonna be okay, Holly?"

"Just a little social anxiety," she wheezed out as he attempted to rub soothing circles into her back. "It happens."

"I 'll take you home if you want."

She shook her head up at him, surprised by the offer. "You'd get in trouble for that."

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and shrugged and Holly was suddenly reminded of how young and innocent he really was. He was only a year or two older than her, she thought. She didn't really know that much about him and it made her feel bad. "So? You almost had a panic attack in the parking lot. I think I can handle cleaning the club bathroom's floor with my toothbrush."

"Just get me a beer and I think I'll be okay."

He smiled reassuringly at her and tugged the ends of her hair. "I'll meet you over by the swing set in ten. You good with that?"

How Holly managed to navigate the crush of people without having a hand snake up the back of her dress, she didn't know. It seemed like most everyone had ventured back into the clubhouse and she was thankful that she was still outside. The clubhouse door swung open and the largest SAMCRO brother, Quinn came outside followed by Tig, Chibs, and her least favorite brother, Happy. She resisted the urge to climb off the swing and hide out in the small playground fort. Instead, she turned away from the group as they settled down on one of the picnic tables and looked down toward the line of bikes before her.

They gleamed in the moonlight and she appreciated the way they were lined up perfectly with their back wheels barely an inch from the concrete wall, fronts wheels all turned facing left. It was beautiful and clean and sparkling. She heard loud, raucous laughter filter out from the clubhouse door and looked up to see Jimmy coming out with four beers in hand.

"Where ya headed, Prospect," Tig called to him as he passed without a word. Jimmy didn't respond and when he handed her the beer, she could feel several pairs of eyes bearing down on them, causing her cheeks to flush. "I brought extras."

Jimmy settled in the swing next to her and they sat in silence as they drank their beers. She eyed him curiously, leaning heavily on the chain holding up her swing. "So, how'd you end up prospecting?"

He shrugged. "Don't really have any family. Guess I was kind of looking for one?" She could tell by the thoughtful expression on his face that he hadn't really put much thought into it and she nodded as if she understood, because really, she did. "So what about you? Why do you live by yourself?"

"Well, my parents couldn't take care of me so I lived with my Mom's parents, Nan and Pop. Then Nan died when I was thirteen and my Pop got diagnosed with Alzheimer's when I was fourteen and I had to put him in a home by the time I was fifteen, so I got myself emancipated and now I'm kind of his conservator or whatever."

Even in the dim light of the glowing moon, she could see that he was clearly impressed. "Wow, so you're like really responsible for your age, huh? I mean, I'm twenty-six and I'm a mess, but you've got your fucking priorities straight." He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his kutte and offered her one. She declined politely and he stuck one in his mouth and lit up. "Shit, I don't even remember what I was thinking about when I was eighteen."

"Getting laid," she answered for him, smirking. He chuckled. "Sounds about right."

They grinned at each other and he watched her as she swung back and forth gently, finishing off her beer. He handed her a second one and cocked his head to the side, his expression serious and a bit guilty. "I'm sorry if I've been really weird around you. I just think you're really cool and I get that I came on too strong. I know you're not interested and I tend to get weird around chicks I'm into."

Holly studied him for a moment, seeing the sincerity in his eyes and the guilt in the frown he sported. She gave him a reassuring smile and shrugged her shoulders. "It's cool. Just don't do it again."

He grinned then and nodded before he jerked his head over toward the clubhouse. "You got enough liquid courage in you?"

She shook her head negatively. "I'm not going to be able to go in there. You Should just leave me out here and rejoin the party. Find yourself a crow eater."

"They're, uh, not to interested in guys who don't have their full patch."

Holly's face scrunched up in disgust and she gave a sad shake of her head. "Those materialistic sluts."

He chuckled and went back to sipping his beer before he stood. "I gotta go break the seal. You good by yourself for a bit?"

She gave him a smile and watched him trot back to the clubhouse. The parking lot was now deserted and the only member of SAMCRO still outside, was the very one she didn't want to see. "Fuck," she cursed under her breath when the clubhouse doors swung shut and he immediately stood from the picnic table and started stalking toward her with long, fast strides. Holly turned her face away from him and refused to look up at him when he reached her. When it became apparent that she was purposely ignoring him, Happy slid directly in front of her, gripping the swings chains in both hands and leaning back slightly, causing the swing to pull toward him.

Holly looked up at him then, her knees brushing against his thighs as the swing swayed. His face was shadowed by the darkness surrounding them, but she could feel him radiating toward her, his whole body hummed with a dark energy that both set her on edge and lulled her into a more relaxed state. He jerked his head toward her. "What're you doing here?"

Holly couldn't have stopped herself from trying not to glare at him even if she tried. Indignation swelled in her chest. Who was he to dictate where she could and couldn't go? "Lyla invited me."

"No, I mean, why are you sitting out here all alone with the prospect?"

Anger swirled into confusion and nervousness. She shrugged and looked away from him again, focusing on one of his hands, which was gripping the swing near her head. "I had an anxiety attack when we got into the parking lot. There's just too many people."

He took his hand away from one side of the swing and the swing fell back a little. Holly reached forward without thinking, using his kutte to steady herself. Happy remained stoic as he gripped her by her elbow and pulled her out of the swing. Once he was sure she was on steady feet, he gently pried her hand from his kutte and tugged her along with him. "You need something stronger than beer to get you to relax."

She balked when they neared the clubhouse, trying to pry her hand out of his grip and she realized that she hadn't even noticed he'd slid his hand from her elbow and down to twine his fingers with hers. He gave her another firm tug. "I ain't taking you inside, Holly. Chill the fuck out."

Instead, Happy pulled her around to the side of the clubhouse and in the darkness she could make out the tall stacks of tires. When she stopped walking again to look up at the looming black towers of rubber, he tugged her hand gently. "C'mon. You trust me or not?"

Holly didn't reply, but she let him lead her into the shadows and he dropped her hand when they neared the chain link fence that closed off the property. She slid her fingers up to grasp the fence when Happy whistled to get her attention and she turned to look at him. There was a shorter stack hidden by the much taller stacks surrounding it and shielding it from prying eyes. He gestured for her to sit and then pulled a rolled joint from his pocket. Holly settled down on the tire and looked around. It was strangely cozy, sitting in this small, clandestine corner of the lot hidden away by old tires under the moonlight. It occurred to her that it was also, albeit oddly, very romantic.

She felt her cheeks heat up as she watched him light the joint and take a hit before passing it to her. She took it from him, never breaking eye contact as she took a hit of her own. The edges of her mind felt fuzzy and warm and full of giddy happiness. She'd always been a lightweight when drinking and tonight was no different. It probably didn't help that she was still feeling the effects of that brownie she'd had at home. She let out a low, breathy giggle as she smiled up at the heavily inked man before her.

"Happy," she sighed out. She didn't continue on, but he gave her a toothy grin as he watched her fall back against the tires and the jean jacket she'd been wearing was tossed to the ground. She gave him a smug smile which only she seemed to understand the meaning of and watched avidly as he took a long drag off the joint. When he offered it back to her, she carefully ghosted her fingers down the length of his, keeping her hazel-green eyes locked with his own burning black ones and she gently pluck the joint from between his fingers. She had no idea what had possessed her to be so bold, especially when she didn't really like him all that much. That was what she told herself. He was abrasive, uncaring, cold on his best day, and any other multitude of unkind words she could think to call him and he was twenty years older than her and just wrong. A bad idea she shouldn't be entertaining.

But all that hardness was physical, too, and in such a sexy way. And it was getting really hard to tell herself 'no' because they were hiding behind the SAMCRO clubhouse and instead of him being inside fucking a crow eater or Winsome or both, he was sharing a joint and grinning at her and it was so cute and it was making her so curious. This was very bad. Very, very bad. She needed to stop.

"You're missing the party," she told him before she puffed on the joint and held it back out to him. He took it from her and inspected it thoughtfully, then shook his head as he took a long drag. "I'm good."

"You just gonna stand there," she asked, gesturing to the space next to her on the tire. He looked to where she was pointing and then back up at her. He shook his head and took another puff. "You're really tall." Her mouth wasn't cooperating anymore. She kept saying what she was thinking and that wasn't good.

"So are you."

She pursed her lips as they stared each other down, her heartrate picking up significantly as time wore on. "You make me nervous."

He raised an eyebrow at her and she gulped involuntarily, tucking her hair behind her ear as she licked her lips. Happy followed the movement with his eyes and stepped closer to her, crowding her. Holly's eyes widened when he braced one of his large hands on the tire, right up against her thigh and leaned in close to her. "What are you doing," she asked, barely above a whisper.

"Wanna see somethin'," he murmured back and the tip of his nose skimmed her ear. She turned her head, trying to catch his eye and Happy surged forward. Holly's fuzzy mind cleared the moment his lips pressed against hers with enough force to tip her back. Kissing Happy, having his lips pressed softly against her own made her realize that she really, really liked him. It was very bad and wrong for to like him, but she did.

Holly felt like a livewire. Her heart throbbed loud and wild in her chest and her blood thrummed through her veins. Without meaning to, Holly opened her mouth, letting out a delighted giggle and Happy used that to his advantage, snaking his tongue into her mouth. Holly met it with her own eagerly, moaning and pulling him closer. She was dimly aware of his hand as it softly pushed her legs apart and skated up the her skirt, leaving a trail of fire where his fingertips had been. His hand curled around her hip as he bent over her. Arousal pooled low in her abdomen and she couldn't stop the way her hips ground up against his. The friction it created was addictive and dangerous and so many other things that lit her body on fire.

"HOLLY!"

The couple froze simultaneously at the high-pitched yell from just outside the clubhouse. "HOLLY!"

The redhead slowly pulled her hands away from his face, eyes widened. Happy started to back away, watching her with sharp, yet barely focused eyes. She let her gaze drop down and her cheeks reddened when she caught sight of the skirt of her dress, which was up around her hips, exposing her bright blue boy shorts. She hastily pulled it down with shaking hands, suddenly ashamed and unable to look up at him as she fixed her hair and rubbed at her swollen lips. There was a dull clink as he slowly re-buckled his belt and she cringed at how loud it was in the silence that surrounded them. She had come so close to doing something so stupid. Her conversation with Janet from earlier in the week replayed in her mind and she felt cold.

Holly crossed her arms over her chest, keeping her fingers pressed firmly to her mouth. Her lips were numb and sore. She couldn't bring herself to look at him for a long time. The shame that burned through her now was threatening to spill from her glassy eyes. A parking lot on top of a used car tire. She'd almost let him fuck her in a parking lot on top of a car tire. The fact that he seemed so calm and collected about it, as if this wasn't anything to be bothered about was all the assurance she needed to know he'd done the same with many more women in many similar places. She felt her heart drop into her stomach at that and she pressed a hand to her abdomen to will away the nausea that was building. How could she let him treat her like that? How could he treat her like that?

"I'm not like them." She hadn't been aware of the words that had spilled from her mouth until she saw him turn away from her out of the corner of her eye. He hadn't quite turned his back to her, but it was close enough and it made her feel so very ashamed of herself. "Those girls in there. I'm not one of them."

Holly needed him to know that. She would never be a crow eater and she wouldn't tolerate being treated like one. She felt the bile rise in her throat. Was that what he had been aiming for? Add another wet and willing woman to the Sons of Anarchy harem? That was a sickening notion. Never. It would never happen. She was better than that. She wanted better than that. She deserved better than that. She blinked the tears away and looked up into the night sky.

He was nodding and she couldn't tell if it was directed at her or himself. She smoothed out her skirt and stepped around him, desperate to be anywhere but near him and that painful, humiliating position that he'd put her in. "I gotta go."

Just as she passed him, he gripped her arm. "I know you're not."

Happy dropped his hold on her arm and she scurried toward the front of the clubhouse. Lyla was there and when she spotted her young friend, she smiled in relief. "There you are! Where have you been?"

Holly shrugged helplessly. She had no words at the moment. Lyla hauled her over to the picnic table and began to babble on about what had transpired at the party so far. But Holly couldn't hear her, not when all she could think about was how Happy's lips had felt on hers and how she desperately wanted it to happen again because he knew she wasn't one of them and he was okay with that.

* * *

Today was not her day. It was the first day back to class and ever since she and Happy had fooled around in the Teller-Morrow parking lot, her mind had been a muddled, frustrated mess of indecision and second guessing. She'd never realized how one drunken indiscretion could so wholly tear apart her self-worth, but it had done so brilliantly and she was treading water trying to wrap her head around it.

She'd sat through each class half-listening as the teachers went over the semester's syllabus. English Lit, Calculus 2, Psychology, American History 2 with her lunch period sandwiched between Calculus and Psychology. She always ate lunch out on the grassy area in front of the school. The shady trees provided shelter from the hot sun and she was a safe distance from the school and the drama that came with it. Eating lunch in the cafeteria was just something she was not willing to put herself through ever again. Going through that torture freshmen and sophomore year had been enough.

Holly wasn't prepared for the sight that greeted her when she went out to her car to drop off her textbooks. Shoulders slumped in disbelief, she stared down at the damage as shock and anger swirled within in her, coalescing into white hot rage and she kicked one of the flattened tires with as much force as she could muster. After kicking it a couple more times, she pulled out her cell phone and dialed the all too familiar number.

"This is Teller-Morrow, how may we be of service?"

"Vee?"

She must have sounded more distraught than she meant to because Vee's light and breezy tone was suddenly filled with worry. "Oh, Holly, my dear, is that you? What's happened?"

Holly wiped at her eyes and sniffled realizing she was crying. "Someone slashed my tires."

"Oh, my poor baby, all right," Venus's soft voice was soothing and Holly managed to stop hiccupping, "I'll send someone down with the truck to pick it up. Do you want to come down here and spend the day with me? I'll make you a cup of tea."

"No," she blubbered. A cup of tea sounded really nice, but she needed to get through the day. "I have perfect attendance. I can't mess that up."

"I understand perfectly. You are such a strong young thing. Okay, someone will be there soon."

"Thanks, Vee. I really appreciate this."

"Oh, it is my pleasure, darling! You know we love you here. The boys and I are just so proud of you. I hope your day gets better."

"Me, too," she muttered, still sniffling, "Bye."

Holly managed to clean herself up by splashing water on her face from the outside drinking fountain. Her appetite nearly nonexistent, she managed to eat an apple before she trudged back into the school and off toward her next class. She stomped into the classroom and took a seat near the back and decided today was just not her day. She tossed her backpack on the desktop and pillowed her head on it, waiting for the second bell to ring.

That was how she proceeded to her next class as well. She spent that class period folding the syllabus into a paper airplane as the teacher explained that he planned to at least be studying up on World War II by mid March. When the bell rang, Holly was the first one out of her seat with her backpack slung over her shoulder. She was half-way out the classroom door when it finally registered that someone was calling her name.

She turned outside the room. It was a boy her age with dark hair and pale blue eyes. She eyed him cautiously. "What do you want."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement. She had to fight to keep from frowning at herself. She'd sounded just like Happy. He was rubbing off on her and she was definitely sure it wasn't a good thing. The boy didn't seem bothered by her attitude and he smiled widely at her. It was a nice smile. A really nice smile. He was good looking in a classic sort of way and it made her all the more suspicious of his intentions.

"How's it going?"

"Spectacular. Do I know you?"

"Aaron Foster. I sat behind you in Chemistry." When she simply stared back at him blankly, his easy smile faltered. "We didn't talk."

"Yeah, I gathered that," she replied in a clipped tone. "What did you want?"

He scratched the back of his head and glanced around. He licked his lips and Holly had the impression that he was nervous. Really nervous. She took the time to observe the students in the hallway with them. Some of them were outright staring. She let out a huff of air. This was officially the worst day ever. First her tires were slashed, and now some guy who was apparently a big deal at her school was trying to talk to her. She was not in the mood. So she told him as much as she stalked ahead of him down the hallway, people jumping out of her way like startled sheep.

She whirled on him once they reached the front entrance of the school. "Look, someone slashed my tires and I gotta figure out how to get to work-"

He perked up at that and he gave her another smile that on any other day would be devastating to her resolve. "I can drive you."

Holly had to fight to keep from snarling. "No. I gotta go home first to change and I don't want you knowing where I live."

She turned back around toward the front steps and stumbled when she looked up across the parking lot. Where her car had been parked only hours ago was Happy Lowman, leaning up against his Harley with his tattooed arms crossed over his chest while her chewed on a toothpick and stared up at the school entrance like he owned the place. _What an asshat_. Holly didn't know whether to turn around and haul ass into the school or fly across the space between them and deliver a strong South Paw to the jaw. It had been almost two weeks since her and Happy had kissed and she hadn't seen nor heard from him in that time. He hadn't been on runs either. Lyla kept making it a point to keep her abreast of all Happy's comings and goings whether she liked it or not.

"Motherfucker," she hissed as she settled for stalking down the front steps leaving Aaron standing awkwardly at the top, looking confused and flustered by her clear brush off. Ever stoic, Happy didn't move a muscle as she neared him and came to a stop, several feet away. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Taking you to work." That was it. Happy Lowman, eloquent as ever. Holly was sure she was the embodiment of a thundercloud. "No way in fucking hell am I riding bitch with _you_ ," she spat darkly. He was unfazed by her outburst, even as the crowd of students leaving school slowed down both out of curiosity and surprise. Holly was the quiet, bookish girl who kept to herself, not a raging spitfire who took on a deadly biker in the parking lot after school.

He sighed out through his nose and held out his helmet toward her. She smacked it away without even looking at it. "I said no and I meant it. I don't give a shit if Tig sent you-"

He stood in one fluid motion like a panther stalking its prey and Holly fell back a step even though her face remained stormy. He held the helmet up between them as he attempted to stare her down. She remained unmoved and Holly managed to catch the way his eyes sparked as she won out. "I volunteered."

Her irate expression faltered as her eyes widened in surprise and a deep blush began to creep into her face. She snatched the helmet from him quickly and crammed it down on her head, her lips still pursed while she glared up at him and strapped it on. Happy cocked his head to one side and rolled the toothpick around to the other side of his mouth as he looked down at her. "You're wearing make-up."

She bristled at his observation, defensive in an instant. "I decided it was time for a change. I wanted to look nice for once."

He gave her another once over and then nodded. Her face reddened further. That had clearly been approval. Holly didn't want his approval. She wanted him to tell her she looked stupid so she could tell him to fuck off. She watched him straddle the Harley and rev the engine, turning his head as if to look at her, though his gaze was aimed out toward the parking lot. Not affording the rest of the student body a single glance, she gingerly climbed on behind him, wrapping her arms around his middle and clutching his shirt in her hands. He slowly guided the bike out of the lot and her embarrassment grew tenfold when she realized that all activity outside the school had come to a grinding halt because of the spectacle he had made of her. She hugged herself closer to him, willing herself to somehow become invisible or melt into the leather of his kutte. People would be talking about this for months. She would never live it down.

When they pulled into her driveway, she practically threw herself from the motorcycle and hurtled through her front door with her chest heaving as she took deep breaths to calm herself. She had no idea what Happy was playing at, but it was freaking her the fuck out. She managed to stumble her way into her bedroom after dropping her backpack on the her coffee table. She rummaged through the bottom drawer in her dresser for a thermal to go under her scrubs as she kicked her shoes off, bracing herself against the furniture's top. Her phone began to buzz in her pocket as she had her black top halfway over her head.

"Yeah," she grunted into the receiver as she yanked her shirt over her head and nearly fell over on top of her dresser. "Son of a cunt!"

"Are you okay," Lyla chuckled, "called to see if you needed a ride. Heard someone slashed your tires."

"I'm pretty sure I know who did it," Holly sighed out as she started shimmying out of her black skinny jeans. They were the tightest pair of pants she owned and they were always a bitch to take off, which was why she rarely ever wore them. "Anyway, thanks for the offer, but I got a ride. I just need to get ready and head out."

"You sure? I can be there by the time you're finished."

"No-"

A large, dark hand snatched the phone from her ear and she squeaked in shock to find Happy standing right behind her, his eyes roaming over her body slowly as he took in her nearly naked appearance. "I'm taking her." He ended the call before her friend could respond and Holly watched him dumbly. What the fuck?

"Either you need to put more clothes on or take the rest off."

Holly flushed crimson as she pulled on the thermal and then her scrubs. Happy's intense gaze never wavered and Holly bit her lip to keep from asking one of the many questions that were floating through her mind. "I can't call into work," she mumbled, "I need the money for bills." Why didn't she just say no because she didn't want to, especially not with him?

Happy's expression didn't alter in the slightest as she spoke and she couldn't tell one way or the other if he was put out by her clear refusal to sleep with him. He continued to stand and watch her pull her clothes on and once she was finished, he followed her out the door and over to his bike. He held out the helmet toward her and she put it on without complaint, climbing on behind him with little fuss. When Holly slipped her hands around his middle, she felt his stomach muscles clenched beneath her fingers in response. Holly could feel herself grinning goofily at the discovery and she buried her face in the back of his kutte, inhaling the scent of leather she found there.

When they reached the shelter, he pulled up to the curb directly in front of the building and cut the engine. Holly slowly dismounted and pulled the helmet from her head. She handed it over to him and Happy put it in one of his saddlebags before looking back at her. "What time do you get off?"

"I get off at seven, but you don't have to do that. I can call Lyla-"

"Do you want me to pick you up or not," he asked tersely, and he looked irritated. Her mouth fell open, opening and closing a couple times as she thought over his loaded question. She looked away from him, her face reddening as she thought over the implications of telling him what she wanted. She could feel his eyes practically burning holes in her as he watched her. Finally, she tucked her hair behind her ear quickly glanced at him, her eyes lowered half-way toward the gravel below her feet. "Yeah, I want you to pick me up."

His eyes lit up at that. It was a subtle change, but Holly managed to catch it. He looked, pleased by her response even though there had been no other outward indication that he was. Blushing harder, she bit her lip and looked away again. She jumped in surprise when she felt him slid a hand around the back of her thigh and squeeze in order to gain her attention. He looked straight into her eyes, solemn, as if he were promising her so much with his next words. "I'll be here at ten til' seven."

She watched him as his Harley roared to life and he pulled out of the parking lot. When she could no longer see his retreating form, she finally entered the building only to be bombarded by questions from Janet about the scene Happy had caused after school. Her shoulders hunched and all of her anxiety was replaced with tension. It was going to be a long shift.


	8. Chapter 8

**I don't own anything. All the characters belong to Kurt Sutter. I'm just playing with his toys.**

 **I decided to rework chapter 9. There wasn't really anything wrong with it, I just decided some elements of it needed to be moved around in order for it to work and flow better with the story. It was giving me trouble, but I'm nearly finished with it. I wanted to post Chapter 8 regardless. So, here it is. Thank you for your continued support of this story. I'm really pleased you're all sticking with it. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

 **Please don't forget to leave a review afterward. The criticism helps. Seriously. It does and I enjoy knowing how you guys feel about what's happening.**

* * *

8\. Confrontation

* * *

Happy had been outside just like he'd promised her and she'd gulped nervously as she'd approached him. He was on his prepay, snarling down the receiver like a caged animal who hadn't been fed in days. He looked wild and furious. She stood by, watching Janet pull out of the parking lot and drive away with an over enthusiastic wave of her hand. Greg shook his head in disapproval as he pulled away in his Volvo. It was kind of funny, considering if it hadn't been for the shake of his head it merely would have looked as though he was staring right into the void of space.

Happy snapped his phone shut, rousing her from her internal musings and she turned to look at him. Sure he gave nothing away with that look, but she could feel the heat that radiated off him and she lowered her eyes to take in the way he was clenching one fist on his upper thigh. "I gotta take you home and then head out. Got business to take care of."

Holly felt herself deflate like a balloon, her shoulders dropping visibly and she gave him a single, sullen nod. She hadn't realized how disappointed she would be. She'd been so concerned with how nervous the prospect of sex with Happy made her that she hadn't considered how let down she would feel if it didn't happen. She kicked at a particularly large rock on the ground and then cut her eyes over at him. "When will you be back?"

"Tomorrow morning. Early enough to take you to school."

"No, you'll need sleep by then."

"I will sleep after I take you to school." He handed over the helmet and she cradled it in her hands for a moment before putting it on. The ride back home felt like a death sentence and she couldn't stop herself form squeezing him involuntarily the closer they came toward her house. He followed her up to the front door and watched her as she unlocked it and stepped inside.

"Keep the doors locked when you're home and keep Sully with you," he told her. Happy looked as if there was more he wanted to say or do, but thought better of it. "You call Tig if you need something."

He turned to leave when she grabbed onto his arm without thinking and he froze. "Be careful," she managed to get out in a barely there whisper. She wasn't sure he'd heard her until he looked at her, eyes lit up in that strange way he had as he nodded to her and then climbed on his bike. He sat there for a long time, simply watching her and Holly thought that she would kill to know just what it was he was thinking. He revved the engine, backed out of her driveway, and then he was gone.

When he drove her to school the next morning, Holly stayed silent, he looked exhausted and on edge because of it. When they'd reached school, she'd simply removed her helmet, handed it over, and then kissed him on the cheek before she could even think about what effect it would have on either of them. His entire being had tensed the moment her lips pressed against his skin and he hadn't looked at her once when he cut out of the lot like he was speeding away from a hail of bullets.

It plagued her mind all day. Maybe they'd missed their window and he had moved on. Maybe he hadn't been on business at all. Maybe he'd simply had enough time to think things over and decided he'd rather stick to Winsome and crow eaters. Somehow, through all her inner turmoil about the status of she and Happy's relationship or lack thereof, she was still able to scribble out a decent set of notes.

When the day ended, she exited the school to find Venus' Escapade parked in the lot. She hadn't really expected Happy to come pick her up again, but she hadn't expected Venus to take off work to come and get her. Her surprise increased tenfold when she noticed the bike parked one space over. Quinn was leaning against it looking bored and irritated about having to be there.

Holly slowly approached the SUV and came around the side, ignoring the way Quinn watched her with open interest. She was going to ignore whatever that was about for as long as possible. She opened the passenger door and looked up at Tig. This was really unexpected. He jerked his head at her.

"C'mon, get in, Sweetheart, we're gonna drive out to Lodi and get everything we need to replace your gutters."

She perked up and smiled at him. "Really?"

Tig gave her an incredulous yet disgusted sneer. "That's what you get excited about? Fucking home improvement? What the fuck is wrong with you, Kid?"

Holly wasn't fazed in the least. "I like to take care of my things. I like for things to look nice. It increases property value."

Holly hadn't been in a Home Depot since she was at least ten. Pop had finally decided to fix up the deck in their backyard and he'd taken her with him. He'd even let her help him fix the deck by letting her hold the nails. This trip felt different. Maybe it was because she was older or because she was with Tig and Quinn, but it felt different.

Quinn was standing down at the end of the aisle and while she and Tig continued to stare at the different pieces of guttering before them. Holly would have much preferred off-white, but her house was white and she didn't much feel like giving it an unnecessary paint job on top of replacing the guttering. She still had to pick up her car from the garage before it closed. She planned on giving it a good wash and wax as a welcome home. Her car, Paul, deserved a little pampering after the unwarranted abuse he had suffered.

"Holly, I gotta ask," Tig told her suddenly, looking confused and worried, his voice coming out in almost a petulant whine. "Why? Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Taken aback by the question that seemed to be coming right out of left field, she couldn't help but scrunch her face up in confusion. "Doing what to myself? Buying guttering? I don't know what you're talking about."

Quinn had somehow edged his way back toward them while Tig was facing her and she got the distinct impression that he was trying his best to eavesdrop. Her attention was diverted back to the curly-haired man frowning in frustration at her. "You know what I'm talking about."

"No, I really don't," she snapped back, scratching at the top of her shoulder, "is this about me getting drunk at the Christmas party and slapping Rat? He called me a spider-monkey to my face and I am not apologizing for that." She heard Quinn snort behind Tig in remembrance.

Tig shook his head and his lips curved upward. "Naw, that's fine, Doll, he deserved that. He was outta line."

"Okay, well that's the only thing I can think of that I've done in the past couple months that would be freaking you out worse than a Cabbage Patch."

"No," he said slowly, watching her for any signs of deceit as they regarded each other. Their puzzled silence grew and then he decided to say one last thing. "Just, remember to use protection."

"Why? I'm not having sex with anyone," she hissed, appalled at his audacity. Both Tig and Quinn watched her then, dumbfounded by her words. "I'm _not_ ," she repeated when she felt they didn't quite believe a word she was saying. "and it's not really any business of yours if I am."

"So you're not with anyone or you're not having boys over or whatever it is," Tig asked intently. This wasn't some pseudo-father/daughter shopping trip. This was a strange interrogation about something she didn't fully understand. The last part of his question brought her up short. Well, she definitely wasn't in a relationship and she definitely wasn't having boys over as Happy couldn't be categorized as one. And she didn't know what it was either.

"You know what? I can't handle this shit," Tig sighed, rubbing a hand down his face, "Just make sure he wraps his shit and you keep your grades up."

Holly didn't bother responding and she kept her mouth shut for the rest of the trip. Tig's line of questioning had left a sour taste in her mouth and he seemed equally displeased with how their little excursion had panned out. She resigned herself to picking at the ends of her hair as Tig dropped her off at her house and helped her offload their purchases and stick them in the small shed behind her carport.

Not long after he and Quinn departed, Jimmy brought her car back, hitched to the tow truck. Holly squealed as she went over and hugged the hood, closing her eyes. "I missed you!"

Jimmy watched her with a wry smile on his face and his hands buried in his pockets. "Vee took care of the charges."

"I'll call her later and tell her thank you," she told him with a small smile while she patted the hood lovingly, "but right now I need to spend some time with my boy here."

He shook his head and grinned as he sauntered down her driveway toward the truck, green eyes flashing with amusement. "I'll see you later, Holls!"

"Bye, Jimmy," she hollered back, eyes never leaving the blue Ford Focus in front of her. Jut then, the mailman, came to a stop in front of her mailbox and smiled at her in greeting as he shoved her mail into the tin mailbox at the end of her drive. She trekked down to retrieve it after he'd moved on and sifted through what was mostly junk mail, banking and billing statements until she came up a white envelope. There was no return address and she was reminded of the Christmas and New Year's cards she had been sent. She opened the envelope slowly and pulled out the card. The front of the card depicted two a picturesque lake front with a doe drinking from the edge of the water surrounded by trees. The inside was blank save for the company printed "Thinking of You" in flowery script. Holly furrowed her brow as she flipped the card over and over much like she'd done with the two she'd received before. Aside from the Christmas card, she'd gotten a second one that read "Happy New Year" in a silver envelope. She stuffed the card back into the envelope and shuffled it to the bottom of the pile along with junk. Out of sight and out of mind. It was probably another prank from Cammie anyway.

She tossed the pile of bills on the counter in the kitchen and then tossed the rest in the trash can under the sink while she dug out the turtle wax and soap, which she kept in a large bucket along with a sponge. Deciding she might want to change into something she didn't mind getting dirty. She pulled on a red knit top that she barely ever wore because it looked more pink than it was and a pair of red gym shorts that still managed to fit her from when she was in middle school. Sometimes being skinny and curveless had its perks.

She filled the bucket with water from the spigot at the side of the house and hauled the hose around from where she'd left it beside the steps leading up to the greenhouse door. Then she sprayed the car down and lathered it up, getting lost in the rhythm of it. Holly knew her car wasn't great. It was slightly beaten up, had too many miles on it, and wasn't as roomy as she would have liked. But it was reliable and it had been through so much with her since she'd first gotten it. She hosed her car down, Paul, she'd named it. It looked like a Paul. Blue and clear, Like Paul Newman's eyes in "Cool Hand Luke" and so that was what she named it. It was a good strong name and the car had character.

She'd only ever had car trouble twice and she'd known the moment she had gotten behind the wheel since she took it in regularly for a tune up and an oil change when needed. She loved her car. Not as much as she loved Sully, who she just knew was living it up down at Teller-Morrow in that very moment, but she did love her car. It had been through so much with her and it may have been an inanimate object but it was nice having something that had stuck with her for a couple years. She took her time waxing it, enjoying the calm that came with such a task. There wasn't single solitary worry plaguing her and she felt very zen for awhile. Screw meditating, she would rather wax Paul any day.

Finally finished, she stood back and admired her handiwork for awhile when the air split momentarily by the blare of a siren. She startled and turned to look out at the street. A cop car pulled up to the curb in front of her house. It took Holly a few moments to figure out why the local Sheriff was stopping by her house until she caught sight of the giant canine cooped up in the back of the squad car. She threw her head back and groaned as a slender, dark-haired woman stepped out of the driver's side with a dour expression. Holly tried not to frown back. This was going to be bad.

The woman crossed her arms over her chest and pointed off over her shoulder. "I've been told that is your dog." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah, he's mine," Holly sighed as she glared at her pet. Sully just wagged his tail harder and whined. She shook her head at him in exasperation. He was such a troublemaker. The cop looked nonplussed by the exchange. "We have leash laws in this town, you know."

Holly nodded her head once, choosing not to respond vocally. Something told her this wasn't about her dog. The grumble of an approaching motorcycle was of little interest to her as the office slowly approached her. "I'm going to give you a warning this time. Keep your dog on a leash and stay out of trouble."

Where was this coming from? Her forehead creased in thought as she tried to remember the last time she had done anything that would end with the cops showing up and all she could think of was the last house party she had attended during freshman year that had resulted in her and her classmates scattering when they caught sight of the flashing red and blue lights. That was almost three years ago. "Um, okay?"

Sully began barking wildly, scratching at the glass and howling loud and long as the roar of the motorcycle became louder. That could only mean one thing: Happy. Sometimes, Holly thought maybe Sully loved Happy more than her. He certainly seemed like it then as he threw himself at the door, desperate to get out. Holly covered her face with one hand and addressed the officer before her. "Could you let him out please?"

"Not until he calms down." Well, that was going to be happening any time soon.

The car was beginning to rock as Sully became more and more agitated. It would have been impressive if Holly hadn't been so worried by how quickly the situation was escalating. Happy pulled his Harley into her driveway and cut the engine immediately, kicking out the bike stand and dismounting fluidly as he stalked over and ripped his helmet from his head, tossing it on the ground as he neared them. He came to stand beside her, his demeanor threatening and his face contorted in rage and Holly's worry increased tenfold when the woman in front of her took a step back and put her hand on her holster. She reached over and Happy's arm, willing him to calm down through touch alone and she felt the muscles in his forearm twitch at the contact, but she didn't let go.

"What the hell did you do to her dog, Jarry," he roared. She didn't miss the way the Sheriff named Jarry swallowed the lump in her throat before answering. "I picked him up because he was out while not on a leash. We have a leash law-"

"That law is fucking bullshit," Happy snapped, cutting her off. "Nobody puts their dogs on leashes in this town unless they're unfriendly. Did he bite anyone or growl at anyone?"

"No," she admitted, looking between Happy and Holly like she was trying to understand what was going on. And Holly knew what it looked like so that meant Happy had to know what it looked like. Like they were a couple and he was sticking up for her and purposely picking a fight with a cop to do so. And it had to be hard to wrap one's head around. Because how the two of them together ever be something that wasn't wrong? Happy was rough, intimidating in the worst way possible. Everything about him screamed danger and violence, from the array of tattoos that littered his body to the dark expression that was permanently etched onto his face. And there she was, pale skinned and willowy and almost twenty years his junior and as innocent looking as the fresh-faced teenager she was. Holly couldn't resist crossing her arms over her meager chest while she rubbed her neck at the awkwardness of it all. This was the first time they had come face to face with someone who could really see what the two of them were like together as a pair and Holly felt very judged.

This was what made things so hard for her when she thought about herself and Happy. How glaringly different they were in every way. How it looked to an outsider like Jarry, who so obviously disapproved of her having any and all contact with him if the disgusted scowl she was leveling at Holly was any indication.

"Don't look at her, look at me," Happy barked at the older woman, causing her to jump and her eyes to widen comically. Holly couldn't stop the small breathy laugh she let out and she turned her face to the side, choosing to focus on the white sleeve of Happy's shirt that was peeking out from his kutte. "I'm the one who's talking to you, _Sheriff_."

That sneer at the end was said almost crudely and she watched as heat flared up into Sheriff Jarry's face and she shook in outrage, but didn't speak. The dangerous look on his face darkened further. "You better let that dog out of the car before I do." The threat was clear. A deaf person couldn't miss it. He stepped up toward Jarry, who seemed frozen in place. "If you're still fucked up over the shit that went on between you and my Pres, that's between you and the club. Don't you be bringing that shit up here where it don't belong. She ain't a part of it."

Sheriff Jarry was the first to break and she stepped back, putting as much distance between herself and him as she possibly could with one step. She yanked open the back door of her car and Sully came flying out and headed straight toward Happy, who steadfastly kept his menacing gaze on Jarry as Sully jumped up and down to get his attention. Happy afforded him a few pats on the head, which seemed to appease Sully for the time being as he sat down beside him.

As Jarry slammed the door shut and pulled open the driver's side door, Happy pulled his prepay out of his pocket, eyes never leaving the retreating Officer. "Take Sully and get in the house."

Holly wanted to argue, she didn't like the way he was bossing her around, but he was well past angry and he looked like he was itching to go on some violent rampage so she thought better of it and did as he told her. Happy was already yelling into the phone. "Where are you? Well, Jarry just fuckin' showed up at Holly's house. Ain't any of your business what I'm doing here-"

Holly pulled the door shut behind her and walked through toward her bedroom, completely at a loss as to how to react to the situation she'd just been in. She yanked open her underwear drawer and pulled out her stash, picking out one of the joints she rolled up the night before when she'd had free time and nothing better to do. She stuck it between her lips and then fell back onto the couch heavily, propping her bare feet up on the edge of the coffee table as she struggled to get the yellow Bic lighter in her hands to light. When it finally did and she finally got the joint burning, she took a healthy hit and held it until her lungs started to burn from lack of oxygen before she exhaled slowly. She could barely make out Happy's angry yelling just outside and she took several more hits as she tried to focus on anything but him and the way he'd defended her.

It meant something, didn't it? The way he was stepping up and making it a point to insinuate himself into her every day life. The way he was putting himself out there, in clear view of everyone, to be seen willing spending time with her out in public even if it was just to cart her ass to school or work. But this had been different. There had been a million different horrible ways that could have gone wrong and all of them would have either landed him in jail or with a bullet somewhere in his body. Holly didn't know what to make of this new development in their strange relationship. This was something beyond her and she got the feeling that he was out of his depth with the whole thing as well.

The front door slammed shut and Sully trotted through the living room and into her bedroom where he laid himself out in the middle of the floor and promptly passed out. Happy threw himself down on the opposite side of the couch, his face contorted in a horrible scowl that resembled more of a pout. Holly held out her hand, offering him the joint and he took it from her, his clenched jaw relaxing.

His fingers brushed against hers and she felt her arm break out into goosebumps instantly at the small amount of physical contact. She pulled her arm back quickly, but not before she noticed the way his eyes took in her involuntary reaction to his touch and he looked up at her. His black eyes bore into hers and there was that same spark she'd seen the night of the Christmas party when he'd kissed her behind the tire stacks. Holly couldn't catch her breath as they openly stared at one another and the room was filled with a different kind of tension that seemed to swallow her whole and urge her to do something she wasn't sure she was prepared for or would ever be prepared for.

Holly licked her lips nervously and his eyes followed the movement avidly before he brought his burning gaze up to hers. And he sat there unmoving until Holly finally understood. He was waiting for her. Her heart seized at the thought and it made her feel light with giddiness and anticipation. He wouldn't be waiting very long.


	9. Chapter 9

**I don't own anything. All the characters belong to Kurt Sutter. I'm just playing with his toys.**

 **So I completely overhauled this chapter. 2/3 of what's in it now wasn't in it the first time. Only the very first section and the first paragraph of the second was originally apart of it. I decided it needed more Venus and Lyla. I want to thank Bambie3412, twibe, AngieInWonderland, MiaReina, and Bethie86 for the continued to support. You guys are being great about dropping reviews whenever you read the updated chapters and it's nice to know how much you enjoy it. It makes me strive to write better. And update consistently. So I appreciate how you put in the time to drop me a line to tell me what you think, whether it be good or bad.**

 **Read, review, and enjoy.**

* * *

9\. Backslide

* * *

Happy was a mess and he knew it. And it was all because of her. He hadn't been this fucked up over a woman since his mother had beat him senseless after she caught him fucking their next door neighbor when he was seventeen. He'd lied when he told Holly he had business to take care of before he took her home from work. Sure, he had business to take care of, but it was with Rat. Rat and his big fucking mouth.

Ever since Holly had slapped him for calling her a spider-monkey to her face, Rat had done nothing but shit talk her at any given opportunity. Everybody knew it was just because he was embarrassed at having his ass handed to him on club turf by a complete waif of a girl, but that girl had had an arm on her and he'd had her handprint on the right side of his face for three days before the redness finally faded along with half of his dignity. Happy had been proud of her. Holly didn't take shit from anybody, even him and it was refreshing to be around someone who challenged him so openly and without fear of reprisal.

But ever since then, Rat had made it his mission to dig up as much dirt as he possibly could on her. Luckily for him, Brooke had been a surprising font of information. Having gone to school with Holly, she knew a lot about her even if it was secondhand and that was what had landed Happy in the spot he had been in.

He was at the garage, working through his shift while he waited for her to get off work. Tig had already been suspicious when he'd been quicker to offer up his services picking her up than Jimmy had been. Everyone had stared at him like he had two heads and Quinn had looked absolutely speechless. He'd ignored their questioning looks and the smile blossoming on Venus' face as he quietly went back to work.

And not an hour after he arrived back from dropping her off, Rat had started in with Jimmy on her. Jimmy didn't like it when Rat shit-talked Holly because he was in love with her. All the guys knew that. The kid thought she'd hung the moon and he'd stopped listening to Rat a long time ago, until he couldn't take it anymore.

"Shut your fucking mouth," Jimmy snapped finally and all the activity in the garage came to a halt. Prospects didn't mouth off to patched members like that. But Jimmy didn't seem to care and frankly, Happy thought it was about time the kid showed he had some balls. But Rat didn't take the hint and he kept going, loudly. "What you think she's never fucked a guy before? How about twenty? Blew her way through the Lacrosse team and right on into the Football players. That girl's had more dick in her than any crow eater we got here. She's a fucking slut."

"Don't talk about shit you don't understand," Jimmy warned, and the threat he leveled at Rat sounded menacing even to him. Holly had spent most of the night at the Christmas party talking to Jimmy while he worked the bar and she had obviously told him a lot about herself judging by his reaction to Rat's words. It rubbed Happy the wrong way. He didn't like that she was comfortable enough with Jimmy to divulge personal information about herself and not to him. Especially, not after he'd made a move on her. It made him feel like he was being played in a big way. Girls her age were fickle, it was another reason he shouldn't be interested in her.

"Oh, and you think you know her so well," Rat yelled, ignoring the look on his friend's face, "so, she told you she fucked half the student body her freshman year and you still want to get your dick wet in that-"

With more speed than any of them could anticipate, Jimmy's right fist went flying right into Rat's jaw, knocking him back. Happy and Chib's jumped in then and Happy had to restrain Rat from going after the prospect, who was also trying to move forward out of Chibs' grasp.

"Shut your mouth, Rat," Happy warned, "before you get your ass kicked for it."

"Just because you think you're the only dick that fucking whore's been taking doesn't mean-"

All Happy saw was red and his fists were pounding into Rat with a force that couldn't be reckoned with. There was shouting and blood spraying everywhere and he was being tossed halfway across the garage by Quinn and Tig who looked a mixture of fury and fear at the implications of Happy's assault.

But Rat still didn't know when to quit and as he spat a mouthful of blood onto the concrete floor of the garage, he glared defiantly up at Happy and then over to Tig. "Told you he was fucking that gash."

Happy lurched toward him and Quinn shoved him back again. Tig looked between Rat and Happy and then his gaze settled on the older of the pair. "Is that where you've been going every night? To Holly's?"

Happy leveled him with his best look, defiant and challenging. His refusal to answer spoke volumes. Chibs' mouth was hanging open slightly. It was no secret the guys had been curious as to where he had been disappearing to for the past few months. There'd been questions, especially after he'd been brushing off all the crow eaters and had suddenly started giving Winsome the could shoulder after he came back from his run up to Tacoma with Quinn. What they didn't know was that he'd heard Winsome dig at Holly right after he'd finished letting her suck him off and it had pissed him off enough to just drop her completely. Partly because he didn't want Winsome thinking she had some claim on him. But mostly, because he didn't want Holly thinking that and that was embarrassing.

"Christ, Hap," Chibs exclaimed, "the fuck are ye doin'?"

"Ain't your fuckin' business," he snapped back immediately, fully aware of how childish he sounded. Chibs was the one that broke the deathly silence that followed. "Go on, brother. Get out of here an' go get your head on straight."

He didn't need to be told twice. He did an about face and stalked across the lot toward his bike without a word. He'd driven all over Charming and Lodi, still seething over Rat's words and the effect that they had had on him until it was time to go pick her up and while he waited in the parking lot, he'd received a threatening phone call from Tig telling him in more words than were necessary that if he did anything to hurt Holly or ruin her chances at getting into a good college, Tig would make the rest of his life a living hell within the club and that set him off again. No woman was worth this much aggravation. No matter how far under her skin she'd gotten, he was fed up with the bullshit it had produced in just one day alone. He was through with it. Spending time with Holly had always been stupid and he'd always felt disgusted with himself for it. She was so young and unlike anyone in the club or associated with it and she was Holly. He had to put a stop to it.

Then she had to go and tell him to be careful, her big eyes full of worry and he was right back in again. He spent the entire night driving up and down the coast, trying to ride out all the emotions roaring in his head and his body. She kissed him when he dropped her off at school the next morning and he decided then that it was worth a shot, no matter how wrong it was.

* * *

Holly didn't know how long they'd been sitting there staring at one another as they passed the joint back and forth. Holly's mind drifted back toward the confrontation between Happy and Sheriff Jarry on her front lawn and a loud guffaw burst forth from her lips. Happy froze next to her, completely caught off-guard by the sudden diffusion of sexual tension in the room. This was not what he had expected when he came over at all. But Holly seemed to be off on a tear and dangerously close to crying.

"Did you see the look on her face when you yelled at her," she asked between gasps for air and she laughed even harder and he smirked at her looking across the room. His chest rumbled as he chuckled along with her. She fell sideways on the couch, hugging her stomach with one arm. "That woman is scared to death of you."

"A lot of people are," he replied, taking a puff and handing it to her. She took it from him and gave him a wry smile. "I'm not."

He scoffed and tugged at her hair and she batted his hand away. "That's 'cause you're fucking weird."

She rolled her eyes, still smiling. "Or, I figured out you're all bark and no bite when you're high and that's why I keep you stoned."

Happy just shook his head and watched her as she kicked her feet in the air over the side of the couch. It was cute and Happy couldn't think of a single time he'd thought something someone did was cute. He rubbed his bald head and watched as she puffed absently on the joint. Her eyes had a far off look to them, but she cut them over to him for an instant and then stared back up at the ceiling. "So, remember that blonde twat from the diner?"

"Which one, there was three."

"The one that said I was a waste of space and accused me of sucking biker dick."

He raised his eyebrow at that last bit. He hadn't heard her say that. "What about her?"

"Pretty sure she's the one that slashed my tires."

"Did you tell Tig or Vee that?"

She rolled halfway onto her side and looked up at him. "Why? What would they do about it?"

He gave her a look. She couldn't be serious. She had to know what it was they did in this town. Even if everything was legit now, they still did a couple of things that were questionable from a legal standpoint. Happy had gotten his fourteenth smiley face on the last run up to Tacoma before Christmas. "Probably threaten to rip her tits off for being a bitch to you."

"Would they actually do it, though? I mean, she's a piece of work, but she's never actually done anything bad besides the tire thing. Mostly just mouthed off."

"I've seen gashes get their teeth knocked out for less," Happy told her, watching as she absorbed his words without so much as batting an eye. She pursed her lips and sat up fully, watching him. "I slapped Rat for calling me a Spider-monkey." Just like that. Like she was telling him the sky was blue or rain was wet.

Happy burst out laughing, nearly dropping the joint in his lap as he did so. Holly blinked up at him with wide eyes. She had not expected that reaction. "Tig told me I didn't need to apologize because he deserved it and I didn't feel bad when I did it, either." For some reason, the worried look on her face made it that much funnier and he laughed harder. He was too stoned to have her talk about her bitchslapping the hell out Rat. "I didn't see it, but I heard all about it." No, he'd been too busy getting his dick sucked by a crow eater with badly dyed red hair. Remembering that made him sober up. Shit, when was the last time he'd fucked around with a crow eater? Was that the last time? He needed to do something about that soon.

"Rat's a fucking idiot. He thinks that just because he has a patch, he doesn't have to worry about people calling him on his shit." It was true. Sometimes, Rat would mouth off and it would land him in hot water, but he was still a solid guy.

Holly fell back down on the couch, pillowing her head on one of his thighs. Happy had noticed early on that Holly was adverse to physical contact, but when she was stoned enough to relax, she was more open to it. He'd also noticed she was beginning to get comfortable with touching him while sober and most days he didn't know what to think of that. Especially, right now. His head was way too foggy and all he could think about was pizza.

Holly had both her legs up in the air, perpendicular to her body with her toes pointed. "When I was five I wanted to be an acrobat. Do you think I could be an acrobat?"

"Can you do a cartwheel?"

"I did half of one once," she told him honestly. Happy snorted. "Then, no."

"I also wanted to be a dinosaur."

"Do you have any pizza? I'm fucking starved." He hadn't eaten since lunch. He needed to eat something. Holly's eyes lit up. "No, but you should order one."

Happy somehow managed to talk Holly into not ordering a second pizza with anchovies and pineapple. He may have had the munchies, but he wasn't that badly stoned. Instead they ordered two larges with extra cheese and pepperoni and the pair were both in greasy, delicious pizza heaven. They were busy watching "Jurassic Park", which Happy couldn't remember having seen, but he liked it. At least she hadn't tried to make him watch something girly.

"I really want to be a T-Rex," she half whispered to herself, "but their arms are too tiny and I don't think the other dinosaurs would let me hug them."

He smirked at that. She sounded genuinely sad at the thought as she stuffed the remainder of her pizza crust in her mouth and reached for another slice. She was on her fifth and he was glad they'd seen fit to order two. She tilted her head to the side as she took a healthy bite out of her pizza slice. Her cheeks were puffing out as she struggled to chew around the mouthful and wiped the grease from the corners of her mouth with her forearm. Her eyes lifted to the tattoo on top of his head and she finally managed to swallow. "Are snakes your favorite animal? Or is it like, just meant to be intimidating or what? Is it because you're quiet like snakes?"

He didn't answered and she didn't seem to care and she continued to talk, a long garbled string of random thoughts that passed through her mind and straight out her mouth and Holly was the only person he knew who actually talked faster when high than slower. "Have you ever seen "Anaconda"? It's the only Jennifer Lopez movie I like. Janet from work loves Jennifer Lopez and I can't stand her. Her music isn't even that good, either. But John Voight and Eric Stoltz are in it. John Voight's such a creeper in that movie. Do you ever go to the movies?"

He shook his head. "Wait, I lied. I liked the movie "Selena" but it makes me sad and I can't watch it. So I like two Jennifer Lopez movies. We should watch another movie after this."

Happy liked tomato sauce off his thumb and looked over at her. She was opening and closing her legs, which were pulled up against her chest, and her knees were knocking together and making a dull thudding noise. It sounded like it hurt. But she was just sitting there staring at the television while she gnawed on her pizza like a rabid dog. "You are so fucking weird."

"Why do you think I hang out with you," asked absently and then she smacked his arm. "Now stop talking. The T-Rex part is coming up."

Happy sighed heavily. It should have bothered him, what she said. But it didn't and it didn't escape his notice that her hand was still on his arm. She had long skinny fingers, but her hands were still smaller and softer than his. When she picked out the second movie, Happy was wary because it was a movie about some princess with long hair and he didn't want to watch a movie about princesses. Until she explained that the princess like to hit people in the face with a frying pan. That piques his interest. He may have found himself enjoying the movie and laughing more than he thought he ought to be laughing at a movie marketed towards little girls, but he still made her promise not to tell any of the other guys that he'd watch it.

She patted his cheek with a little more force than was necessary. It was more like she was slapping him to be honest. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

Happy didn't remember falling asleep, but when he woke up, it was dark outside and Holly was passed out in her bed with Sully laying across the foot of the bed. She had her feet kicked up on his furry back and the dog was snoring loudly as always. Her arms were flung out to the sides and she took up nearly the whole bed. She was just so very weird and not at all what he was used to. But he liked her more than anybody else outside the club and that was starting to become a very big problem for him.

* * *

Holly was at another party at the clubhouse. Lyla hadn't had to put in much effort to talk her into coming, but she'd still been reluctant. Making out with Happy hadn't been a point in favor or against, and though she really wanted to say it held no sway over whether or not she would go. She would be lying.

Holly looked forward to seeing Happy. Her heart always skipped and stuttered when she saw him and sometimes it was so bad her hands shook, but he either ignored it or didn't seem to notice at all. He didn't ever make a move on her, but he touched her now. Sometimes, when they passed a joint, he would run his fingers along hers. Sometimes, he squeezed her arm to get her attention or sat so close to her that his clothing brushed against her side. They were always alone when he did these things, but it happened all the time now and it was exhilarating.

She didn't know if he was just doing it to lead her on or not. That was the major problem. He'd started up with the crow eaters again. Not as many as before, but couple all in the span of a four day period and it was enough to make her pull back and limit the physical contact. This was a main point against going to the party. She didn't want to see it, see him with a crow eater or one of the girls from Diosa laid out in his lap with her hand down his pants while he groped her double-D tits.

But she wanted to go and see for herself. She needed to see that he could be horrible, that he was stuck in his ways and he was as mean and horrible as everyone said he was. She wanted him to hurt her enough that it would be easy to walk away when the time came, because the time would come and she needed to be strong. So she wore her purple cotton dress and black flats and put on her jean jacket and dusted enough make up on her face to look better than average.

The Teller-Morrow parking lot and clubhouse were packed. When she parked her car, there was a fight going on in the boxing ring. It was Jimmy and Rat and she stood next to her car, trying to understand how she felt about watching two guys who were more like brothers beat the absolute shit out of one another like it was fun. There was blood spraying in the air and dripping down Rat's bearded chin. Jimmy's lip was split and he was starting to favor his right side. One of Rat's eyes was beginning to swell shut. All the people surrounding the ring were screaming encouragement and cheering and Holly let out a sigh. She didn't come here to watch them beat the shit out of each other.

Holly crossed the lot and settled down at the picnic table in front of the clubhouse. Everyone had migrated over to the ring and there was no one around to agitate her. They were all too busy watching to of the members of SAMCRO beat each other bloody. She watched the mass undulate with excitement and then lowered her gaze to the tabletop just as the clubhouse door swung open and a trio of crow eaters strutted out into the night like they were walking a catwalk. Their skirts were tighter and shorter than any skirts she'd ever seen worn in public, their tops were tighter, sparkled more, and were more revealing than anything she'd ever owned. Holly wondered vaguely if this was what her mother had been like, if this was as close as she would ever get to a glimpse of the woman who had birthed her. And if so, why didn't fit better into this world? Why wasn't it easier for her to understand the place she wanted beside Happy. Shouldn't it be easy like it was with her a Venus.

One of the crow eaters, a statuesque blonde, with long legs, and hourglass figure and bigger breasts than Holly could ever hope to have, sneered at her and the other two giggles. Holly sighed inwardly. She didn't need to guess to know where this was going. The blonde strolled right up to the table and jutted her hip out to the side and it reminded Holly distinctly of Cammie Showalter. It was like looking into the future. She could definitely picture Cammie becoming a crow eater.

"Don't you have some homework you should be doing," the blonde asked with faux sweetness and the trio giggled softly amongst themselves.

"Don't you have some members you need to be sucking off," Holly retorted, highly amused by her clever pun that she was sure flew right over their heads. The crow eaters didn't bother her that much. They were easy to ignore even though they were extremely catty when they wanted to be. They weren't as driven when it came to bullying as she was used to. Mouthing off to Cammie in the diner had branded her "target number one" for the rest of the year. Crow eaters only bullied a person until someone put them in their place. Usually by an actual member of the club, but the Old Ladies could accomplish that just as easily.

"Ladies, don't you have some men to cater to at this very moment," Venus asked from the doorway and the three whirled to look at her, surprised by her intrusion. The blonde frowned, nodding nonetheless, and stalked off across the lot with her two friends in tow. Holly gave Venus a grateful smile and Venus smiled back as she stepped out into the cool night air and lit a Virginia Slim, before she slid onto the bench beside Holly with more grace than Holly could ever dream of possessing.

"And how are you doing this evening, my dear," Venus asked, gently brushing her brown hair from her face. Holly shrugged. "Lyla asked me to come, so I dropped by."

"I see," the older woman gave her a calculating look, her smile becoming teasing, "so you're just here to see our petite young friend?"

"Yep," Holly affirmed letting out the 'p' with a definite pop. Venus ashed her cigarette and hummed thoughtfully. "You know, Alexander's been quite in a tizzy over your peculiar friendship with Mr. Lowman."

"Yeah, I noticed." Holly really hadn't expected Venus to broach the subject so quickly. She the most tactful person Holly had ever met. Venus scooted closer to her and patted her arm in a motherly fashion. "I really don't think my Alex has any reason to be so cross with either of you over how the two of you conduct yourselves outside the club. But he's very fond of you and he worries. I think that, given time, he'll become less opposed to the idea."

"We're just friends," Holly tried to explain and Venus raised an eyebrow. "I see. So, you're making him court you. There's nothing wrong with that. A man should have to chase a woman once in a while. Especially, a man like that."

"No. That's...not..." Holly didn't want to argue against her anymore. It would be nothing but a bald-faced lie anyway. Holly groaned and looked out toward the ring. She couldn't see Happy, but she knew that he was there. He had to be or it meant he was in his room with a crow eater or Winsome. Shit.

"You know, I am curious as to what it is the two of you talk about when you're together. The man is not known to be the best conversationalist."

"I mostly talk and he just listens. Or tells me I'm weird."

Venus shook her arm and then patted it. "Come, let's the two of us retire to the bar for a few drinks. I've made sure there's wine on hand should the need ever arise for a lady and I to find other means of passing the time besides watching men bloody each other."

Holly let Venus lead her into the clubhouse and up to the bar. Venus rounded the bar, and came back around with two wine glasses and a very expensive bottle. She poured a full glass and Holly took a few sips, barely managing to keep from wrinkling her nose. Alcohol was just not something she enjoyed. They sat in easy silence for a time until Venus spoke again. "How is your Grandfather?"

Holly's eyes dimmed and she took another healthy sip of her wine. "He's not doing very well. I call every weekend to see if it would be good for me to come up, but the doctors all say the same thing. He's remembering less and less. He can't remember where the bathroom in his room is now. He's been having accidents almost daily. They said he doesn't talk very much anymore."

"Have you thought about going to visit anyway?"

"I'm worried he'll still think I'm my mother." Venus reached out and took her hand and the two lapsed in silence. The clubhouse door burst open behind her and Holly downed the rest of her glass, in advertently clutching Venus' hand in the process as the clubhouse quickly filled to capacity. Venus gave her another generous refill and then recorked the bottle and went around the bar to place it back in the fridge. Holly downed the glass in go and whirled on the stool, ready to escape back out into the parking lot.

Lyla was right behind her, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug. "You came!"

"You asked me to."

Lyla's smile was as bright and sunny as always and Holly felt herself grinning back as the wine began to work its way through her system. Lyla tugged the ends of her hair with familiar ease. "Yeah, but I didn't think you'd actually show. You never do."

Holly shrugged and glanced around. "Because it's always so crowded and loud. I can barely hear you as it is."

Lyla grabbed her hand and pulled. "Come with me to the bathroom so I can fix my make-up."

The tripped through the crowd and down the hallway. Lyla banged hard on the door. "If you're fucking in there, zip it up and take it to your room!"

After a couple minutes of waiting and Lyla banging on the door a second time, the door swung open and Quinn stepped out of the bathroom followed by a brunette who was busy fixing her hair and wiping her mouth as she kept her gaze firmly on the ground. Quinn gave the two a nod and wandered back toward the party with the crow eater hot on his heels. Lyla's lip curled in disgust as she hauled Holly into the small, confined space and shut then locked the door. She bent down and pulled out a roll of paper towels and a spray bottle of Lysol and then vigorously scrubbed the counter down. "Don't want anybody catching anything from either of them."

Holly snorted in laughter. "How do you even know they have anything."

"I know Angie, had to go down to the free health clinic for a penicillin shot three days ago and the doctor told her 'no sexual activity for the next week at least. Quinn should be expecting a burning sensation when he pees from now on."

Holly clamped a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. "That is so bad!"

"Yeah, well, you fuck around with trash and you're bound to catch a few things." Lyla smiled smugly to herself. "I made Chibs get tested before I let him anywhere near me."

"I don't blame you."

"These men are bigger sluts than anybody I've ever met," Lyla told her as she pulled a small tube of gloss from her pocket and started applying it meticulously, "and I was a porn star, so I've met my fair share of sluts."

"How are you and Chibs doing anyway?"

Lyla shrugged flippantly. "Really good. Better than I expected." She turned and leaned against the sink and crossed her arms over her chest. "You know, I really expected him to be kind of 'This is how you're supposed to act when you date a man in the club. Blah blah blah.' But he's really chill about it. Like he really doesn't give a shit. Like I'll tell him I'm gonna do something and he's just cool with it. You know, Rat has a fucking fit any time Brooke tries to go anywhere without him or asks him any sort of question that he decides she shouldn't be asking. Chibs doesn't do that shit. Opie used to do that sometimes. And he was always pushing for us to have kids. Like three wasn't enough. But now, there's none of that pressure and I don't have to worry about Chibs expecting me to marry him or whatever. It's really liberating."

That did sound really nice. Holly didn't want kids and she certainly didn't ever want to get married. That was part of the draw when it came to Happy. He didn't seem like the type to ever settle and that was a very attractive quality.

"I'm really happy for you," Holly told her. And she was. Lyla smiled at her in the mirror as she wiped under her eyes and at the corners as well. She adjusted her lavender top, which was nearly as modest as Holly's dress and turned to the redhead, looking suspiciously excited. "So?"

"What," Holly asked slowly, eying her friend cautiously. Lyla smacked her upper arm and she hollered in protest. It had hurt. The blonde gave her a reproving look. "You and Happy. What is up with that?"

"We're really good friends." This was really starting to feel rehearsed on her part and she frowned at herself. Maybe she should just get it over with and say something honest for once. "I like him." Lyla squealed and bounced on her toes. "A lot." Lyla squealed again and then clapped her hands and actually jumped up and gave her a tiny smile, but she wasn't as convinced as Lyla that this was a good thing. "I don't think whatever it is is going to work out."

Her friend's elated expression promptly fell. "What? Why? You guys get along so well and the guys have been giving him so much shit for it that I figured you guys were actually together. Are you not?"

Holly really hated having to be the one to burst her bubble. "No. We're not. We never actually talk about stuff like that. I mean, could you even see Happy having a talk about something like that?"

"Good point," Lyla sighed, and she fell back against the counter. "But he has to have at least hinted at it, right? I mean, he's going out of his way to buy you Christmas presents and spend time with you."

"That wasn't a Christmas present, that was him paying me back for watching his dog," she pointed out and Lyla rolled her eyes at the explanation. "No, it so was a present. You're just being intentionally obtuse."

"No, he clearly said it jokingly."

"Happy doesn't make jokes, Holls. Maybe sexual innuendos, but not jokes." Lyla slapped a hand over her head and then made a sound of disgust. "You know, I think this is just one of those things where you're just going to have to take the plunge and hope for the best because you're right about Happy not being the type to have the relationship talk."

"If by saying 'take the plunge' you mean sex, then no. I will not be sleeping with him. That is not how I roll and you know it."

"Yes, I know it, Vee knows it, Chibs knows it, Tig knows it, all of fucking Charming knows it."

Holly bristled as the exasperation in Lyla's voice. "Okay, okay, you're making me sound like the town shrew."

"No, I'm just trying to point out that if everybody and their mother's third cousin twice removed knows it, then you can sure as hell bet your ass that Happy Lowman knows it. You know I'm right."

"This doesn't make me want to sleep with him more if that's what you were aiming for."

"I wasn't, but it should. Do you really think Happy would be giving you the time of day when he could still be fucking around with any of the crow eaters or Winsome indefinitely?" It was a valid question, but Holly refused to see reason. Something this troubling shouldn't be as easy as Lyla was making it out to be. "Maybe he's just looking for a challenge. I mean, the club hasn't always been on the up and up and things have obviously been slow around here considering what they've been used to, so maybe he's just trying to find a new way to pass the time."

"Yeah, but that's a lot of trouble to go through just for a piece of ass. Like, why not just keep fucking crow eaters or mess around with Winsome on the DL like he used to. He hasn't been, by the way. Nobody's giving him shit for it yet, but the crow eaters are starting to talk. And Winsome is in the middle of some sort of meltdown over it."

"Good. I hate her. But that's beside the point-"

Lyla scoffed loudly and shook her head in amazement. "No, it's the only point!"

"No, this is not going to work."

"Why not?!"

"Because he's way too old for me," she yelled, shocking them both. "When I'm thirty, he'll be fifty, when I'm fifty, he'll be seventy. When I'm seventy, he'll probably be dead! And then I'll be old and alone and I'll have to adopt a shit ton of stray cats to cope with it. And Then, after I graduate and after summer break, I'm going to college. Possibly on the other side of the country."

"Holly." Lyla didn't know what to say. Holly covered her face with her hands. "I've been applying for universities out of state because the facility Pop is in said he doesn't have very long and I don't want to be here after he's gone. I don't think I can handle it. And I don't see the point in starting up something with someone only for it to end in a a few months."

Lyla hugged her, rubbing her back. "Oh, Holly, it'll be okay. And there's tons of long-distance relationships that last."

Holly let out a harsh laugh. "A long-distance relationship with one of the Sons. With Happy? You know what that means. What he'd be doing while I was gone. While I sit at home studying and writing papers."

Lyla's face fell completely at that. "Crow eaters."

"I wouldn't be able to pretend I was okay with that. And that just shows how different I am. I'm not girlfriend or Old Lady material. I know it, you know it, and I'm pretty sure he does, too. I'd expect him to stick to me and only me and that's asking way too much."

"And I'm suddenly reminded of how very lucky I am to have Chibs," Lyla replied. Holly nodded somberly, her wine buzz from earlier making her feel more depressed than she should. "God, this sucks." She turned to face the mirror above the sink and joined Lyla in fixing herself up. She couldn't remember the last time she'd run to the bathroom to fix herself up and keep herself looking fresh. It made her want to stick her head under the faucet and scrub all the make up from her face.

She stepped away from the sink and shook her head, making a face. "I don't even know why I'm doing this. I'm doing so many things I never really wanted to do anymore. I'm getting drunk at a party where grown men are beating the shit out of each other for fun. I have about a pound of make up on. This is...not who I am."

"Then stop doing it," Lyla urged her, gripping her upper-arms and turning her toward her. "Just stop trying and be you. Why do you have to change anything? Happy liked you before. We all liked you before you did this. That's not gonna change."

Needing no more encouragement, Holly turned on the sink and began washing her face free of all the caked on foundation and mascara. Lyla helped her scrub off the mascara that was too stubborn to wash away using a wad of soaked paper towels and then studied her young friend. "Your face is a little red. These paper towels are shit. But other than that, I think you look great." She pointed to the sink. "Dunk your head again. The cold water might get rid of some of the redness."

Holly did as she was told and then wiped the excess moisture away with her bare hands. Lyla smiled at her with genuine affection. "Much better."

Holly did feel better. Someone banged on the door and they jumped in surprise. "Who the fuck's in there? I gotta take a piss!"

"Need me to drive you home," Lyla asked, ignoring the angry, growling biker on the other side of the door. It already had Holly shaking. She shook her head. "No, I'll drive myself in a couple hours. I'm just gonna go hang out outside. I need the fresh air and some time to clear my head."

Lyla nodded and gave her one more hug just as the door knob began to rattle and then vibrated as the person on the other side pounded on it more viciously. What an impatient asshole. Lyla swung the door open with more force than was required and it bounced off the wall. "What? Why don't you just piss outside with all the other drunk dumbasses?"

"Hey, just cause you're Chibs' Old-Holly?" The bathroom had really nice walls. Holly had never noticed that before. Usually wood paneled walls looked tacky, but here, they were only mildly tacky. "Yo."

Lyla shoved Happy with all her might and he stumbled back a step. He afforded her an irritated glare before looking back toward the redhead. "What are you doing here?"

"Lyla invited me, so I came? I don't really know. I'm probably gonna leave soon." She hadn't wanted to talk to him and now she was. She picked at a seam in the wall and finally glanced up at him and then away again.

"C'mon, Happy, what's taking so long? I'm horny as fuck." The blonde crow eater from earlier slid out of his room and slid her arm around his waist. Holly had no idea how she managed not to look at either of them but she supposed it had something to do with finally starting to feel normal for once since she had arrived.

"Well," Holly said, proud of how flippant she managed to sound as she took a deep breath to steady herself, "enjoy your herpes." And she darted around the pair and through the crowd of people and out the clubhouse doors.

She gasped in large amounts of air and leaned forward, bracing her hands on her knees more to stop them from knocking together as she shook than anything else. Still hazy from the wine and shaking from her encounter with the single person who seemed to be slowly destroying her sense of self, she staggered around the side of the building and collapsed, landing hard on her butt. She grunted as the pain shot up her tailbone.

This all made sense in some strange way to her. This was how it was supposed to go, right? She was just some girl in the background of his life. A couple years from now he probably wouldn't even be able to put her face to her name. When people teased him about spending time with her, he'd cringe and wonder what the hell he was thinking. And maybe in a few years, she too would cringe and wonder what the hell she was thinking.

Running a tired hand over her face, she groaned loudly at herself. She needed to get her shit together before she ended up falling apart. She didn't need that right now. What she needed to do was focus back on her future and not on her present so much. Holly finally picked herself up and looked around the parking lot. This wasn't her world and she didn't want it to be. Trying not to make a face as she passed a man and woman doing God knows what on the hood of a Honda Civic, she walked swiftly over to her car, got in, and pulled out of the parking lot. This was the last time she was doing this. No more parties and no more Happy. It was better that way. She just had to keep telling herself that last part until it sunk in.


	10. Chapter 10

**I don't own anything. All the characters belong to Kurt Sutter. I'm just playing with his toys.**

 **I am so sorry I did not get to update when I usually do. My computer was having massive problems and had to be reset and wiped, which took nearly two days. I didn't lose any of my work, but I wasn't able to edit and revise everything like I normally do, which made it impossible to update. And unfortunately, I won't be updating this weekend because I'm traveling out of town to see some relatives, but I will update again next week.**

 **I want to thank you all again for the reviews and all the love this story is getting. The response is still surprising (in a good way) and I love having all this feedback. So, AngieInWonderland, Karina, ee, sbcorn, Lein-Wan, Brandy, and Guest-reviewer, thank you so very much. I also want to thank the person who took the time to send me a PM and check to see if I was updating. I was glad that I was able to get a word in to someone that this was going to be updated and I wasn't just off of it for awhile.**

 **So, please keep reading, review and enjoying!**

* * *

10\. Atonement

* * *

Holly couldn't just wax Paul whenever she felt like she needed to find a zen moment or two. Retail therapy was out since she still had to pay Pop's medical bills and every extra penny she spent needed to go to paying for college. She was thinking someplace where it either rained a lot or snowed a lot. That way, the weather would match her mood. So, she'd taken up yoga. She'd bought a "Yoga for Dummies" book and now she was sprawled out in the backyard trying to figure out how twisting herself into a proverbial pretzel was supposed to be something even a beginner could do. She wasn't sure she was that flexible and it was really hard to concentrate with school looming over her head like a thundercloud.

It was seven in the morning and she'd gotten up extra early for this. It was two weeks since the party and today was Valentine's day, the worst day in the world for anyone who was having problems in their love life or lack thereof. Holly fell somewhere in the middle of both categories and she was cool with that. Except for when it was Valentine's Day and she had to go to school and watch every other girl there get flowers or chocolate or a stuffed animal or all three. Fuck that noise. If perfect attendance hadn't been such a big deal to her, she would have called in sick.

After another five minutes, Holly finally went back into the house and took a shower. She was showered, dressed and leaving the house with thirty minutes to spare and falling back into the same rhythm she'd had before she'd gotten tangled up with the club and its least friendly member. It felt different from before, but it felt better than the second-guessing and indecision she'd been floundering in for the past several months. She was on the path she should be and that was what mattered.

She dropped Sully off at Scoops, having called ahead to see if Chuck would be willing to keep an eye on her wayward mongrel for her. And then she was off to school. Students were everywhere and Holly parked her car and threw herself into the mass without a backward glance. It was a whirl of notes and lectures and watching every single girl in school receive cards and candy and flowers. The entire building smelled like a flower shop and it was overwhelming. She'd seen Janet and her boyfriend, Andy, walking arm in arm through the hallways with starry eyes. Janet had an armful of roses and a heart-shaped box of chocolates.

It was easy to ignore all the romantic displays before her, save for the smell. And when school was over, Holly breathed a sigh of relief until she left her last class and stepped out onto the first step outside the building. Happy Lowman was sitting on his Harley, parked beside her car looking agitated and as friendly as ever. Holly had a split second to register his presence when Aaron Foster caught her attention. "Hey, uh, Holly," he called to her and she turned toward him, ready to tell him she wasn't in the mood for bullshit from anyone today when she noticed the large bouquet of Gerber daisies. She stared at them for a moment and then looked up at him. His cheeks were redder than normal and he was holding the flowers out toward her. Holy shit, a boy bought her flowers for Valentine's Day.

Holly took them with wide eyes. "Uh, thanks?"

"Happy Valentine's Day, Holly," he managed to mumble and then he stepped around her and down the steps out into the parking lot. Holly watched after him at a loss for words and then looked down at the flowers. They were colorful and they didn't smell nearly as bad as she'd expected them to. And it was kind of nice getting flowers after all. Even if it was a useless gesture. She shrugged to herself and walked down to her car, still staring at the flowers as she tried to understand why he had given them to her.

Did that mean he actually did like her? There was always a chance Cammie had put him up to it. It was a very real possibility that she needed to consider. But if he really did like her, she needed to figure out a way to tell him she wasn't at all interested. He was starting to look like a really nice guy, but she was just getting back to getting her priorities straight and she wasn't about to let another guy ruin it for her.

She unlocked her car and slung her backpack into the backseat, looking over the vehicle to the still silent biker. "What do you want."

But Happy wasn't looking at her. He was busy glaring at the flowers she was holding. Then he looked up at her with a pointed expression. "Today is Valentine's Day." She didn't say anything else and they continued their silent stare down until Holly decided she'd had enough. "Look, not that this isn't the most stimulating non-conversation that I've ever had, but I have things I need to be doing. I have to get to work-"

"Where have you been?"

"None of your business," she snapped. Who did he think he was? What gave him the right to know where she was? It wasn't any of his business. It would never be his business. "What, are you stalking me now? What do you care anyway?" Ignoring her words, he spoke again. "Your spare key is gone."

"I moved it."

"Why?" She hadn't expected him to ask her outright, but she refused to let him see any other emotion but indifference. "Because I don't want you coming over anymore. I want you to stay away from me. I don't like you. I hate your stupid face and your stupid tattoos and your stupid bike. Go away." Well, that hadn't been the most mature way of telling someone to fuck off, but it would have to do.

His face closed off further and Holly waited for the angry threat she was sure was on the tip of his tongue. But Happy remained silent. He started up his Harley and sped off. Holly climbed into her car and sat there for a moment. That had been for the best. And what exactly had he expected? For her to make some glib comment about how much of a badass biker he was? No, she wasn't going to be doing that anymore. Not now and not ever. And he needed to get over it, just like she was.

* * *

The dogs and cats had all been fed and watered and they weren't scheduled to be groomed for at least another day. She was in the back office, converting more files and bopping her head along to the radio as she sipped her coffee. She was on the last one and she was almost done. Greg was in the cat area administering meds. None of the cats liked him. She could hear some of them hissing.

With the last file finished, she scooted her chair out and grabbed her mug and went to sit at the front desk and get some homework done. She had to read two chapters from her history textbook and it was killing her. Two pages in and she had her feet thrown up on the desk, while she pulled her hair over her face, right above her upper lip, and sang along to some nineties pop song by the Backstreet Boys, purposely lowering her voice as far as she could.

"What are you doing?"

She leaned further back in the chair and looked over at Greg. He was probably trying to give her some sort of reproving look, but instead it looked like he was trying to do his taxes in his head. "I'm pretending I have a moustache. What are you doing?"

He blinked at her, like a big, dumb cow and then went into the break room. "Sweep the floor."

Holly stuck her tongue out at his back and went to snatch the broom from the janitor's closet and started sweeping the vestibule. The vestibule was always spotless, they hardly ever had anyone come in. Greg was just trying to give her busy work. She got half way through sweeping before she was trying to swing the broom around like a bo-staff.

"Holly, just finish your homework," Greg told her, standing in the break room doorway with a frown on his face.

"Killjoy," she muttered gloomily. She really hated history. It was so boring. She put the broom back up and slumped down in the desk chair, propping her chin up in one hand as she leant over the textbook and began reading, writing down dates of interest. Someone rang the bell and she looked up with a smile. "Hi, how can I-" the smile immediately fell from her face and she scowled. "Oh. It's _you_. What do you want? Your face is still stupid by the way."

"The fuck's your problem with me?"

"Well, besides me realizing how much I don't like you, you're a massive slut with poor impulse control," she told him without missing a beat. A muscle in his jaw ticked and he somehow managed to scowl even deeper at her, but she continued on. "If you want me to keep going, I can, but I'd rather finish my homework and finish up my shift here. Now either adopt another dog or a cat or get the fuck out of here."

"So that's it then?"

"Is there supposed to be more, Happy? Was I just supposed to be fine with you doing what you did and move on like it was no big deal?" She asked, not wanting him to answer and fully aware that he wouldn't. "I thought I made it clear to you who I am. Did you somehow think you're exempt from that because you're in the club or something?"

He didn't reply and it was all the answer she needed. "Wow, so I can add astoundingly self-absorbed to the list." Holly was completely disgusted with him. The fact that he thought so little of her and so much of himself made her blood practically boil. "I was just supposed to eventually spread my legs for you and pretend that you weren't fucking a dozen other girls on the side, right? Act like it's no big deal at all? Whatever you think we had or were going to have, we don't. I'm done playing your games."

"You think this was a game?"

Holly slammed her textbook shut and shot out of her chair and he reared back to avoid having her nearly headbutt him in the process. "What else was it? What am I supposed to think it was? Because I don't know what it was, but it's done. It's over."

"No, it isn't."

"Yes, it is," she reaffirmed. Happy looked like he was very close to coming over the counter and strangling her. His eyes were wild with unrestrained anger and his fists were clenched. "So you need to move on. That's what I'm doing. Just go back to pretending I don't exist."

"That's what you want?"

"Yes." No. She didn't. She wanted him to tell her he was sorry and that he wouldn't do it again. That he would stopping fucking with her head and finally get the balls to stick to his decisions instead of running every time they got too close for him to deal with it. She wanted him to have as hard of a time as she was. She wanted him to be just as miserable. She wanted him to curse her name every night before he went to sleep and dream of her and how he didn't have her. She wanted him to be the type of guy who gave an actual damn about her enough to care and pay attention. But he wasn't that guy and he never would be and it was time for her to just let it go.

"No." Well, wasn't that just a wonderful of him? Finally stepping up to the plate almost three weeks too late. Her palm itched to slap him. It would serve him right.

"That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works, you fucking retard," she howled at him as she waved her hands in the air. "I'm not interested. Get it through your thick Neanderthal skull. I don't want you here. I don't want you at my house. I don't want you waiting for me at school. I don't want you anywhere near me. I can't stand you."

"That's bullshit. All this over a crow eater?"

"Jesus Christ, please tell me I'm not the adult here." She fell back a step and rubbed at her eyes. "Yes, Happy, all this over the crow eater. And the crow eater before her and the one before that one and so on. It helped me to see where I stand with you and that's not where I want to be, I warned you not to treat me like them, like I'm easily replaceable and you did it anyway and this is what happens when you treat someone like this, Happy. You made it clear all you wanted was sex. You couldn't get it from me so you went and got it from someone else. So, you just go back to them and keep getting what you want."

"What do you want?"

"I want someone who's not going to fuck everything with tits and who's fine with just sticking with me. That's what I want." It should have been obvious, but Happy was turning out to be one dense motherfucker.

Happy studied her for a moment, his expression stony. And then, he stormed right out of the shelter and Holly felt like she was finally able to breathe. It hurt like hell, but she could breathe again and that made it easier to keep from crying. He would not now nor ever, see her cry over him.

"You can go home if you want." Holly jumped and turned to see Greg standing in the doorway. He was still holding that damn mug of coffee and Holly wanted very badly to knock it out of his hand. She was still shaking with anger and mentally exhausted. She tried to smile, but her energy was sapped. "I'll finish my reading and then I'll go."

"You did the right thing."

Holly didn't need him to tell her that. She knew she had. But that didn't make it feel any less awful.

* * *

Holly sat behind the wheel of her car in the shelter parking lot for a good ten minutes just trying to calm down enough that she didn't feel like she was going to fall apart. The argument from earlier kept replaying over and over again in her head. She still couldn't believe the scene he had made and she couldn't believe how much it made her want to cry. She punched the steering wheel and then finally started the car. She still had some homework left over and she couldn't ignore it just because some dick with an ego the size of the continental US thought he could barge into her life and tear it apart whenever he felt like it.

The ride home was spent rubbing tears from her watery eyes and sniffling in silence. It was beginning to get dark outside when she pulled into the drive way. There was an all too familiar motorcycle parked under the carport and Holly almost rammed it with her car purposely. What the hell was his problem? Why couldn't he just fuck off and leave her alone?

She stormed out of the car and up to the front door, throwing it open. Happy was standing over the stove and he was cooking. _Happy Lowman was standing in her kitchen cooking_. Holly had expected him to be sitting on her couch like a belligerent lump, not standing there, cooking. It smelled delicious, which made her angrier. "What the fuck, Happy? I thought I made myself clear."

"You did." He was already ignoring her again. Holly bit her lip to keep from screaming. Sully was watching from the living room, looking nervous. Holly shut the front door eventually as she watched Happy put food on two different plates and then set them on the table. He sat down and looked up at her. "You gonna come over here and eat or just stand there?"

"Is it poisoned?"

He gave her a look and then bent his head and started eating. Hesitantly, Holly joined him, sitting across from him and eying the plate warily. Steak fajitas. He made steak fajitas. "I didn't know you could cook."

"I can do a lot of things."

She simply nodded and began eating, surprised at how good it was, but she didn't say so. Instead, she nodded to the backpack at her feet. "I still have homework to get done."

"Figured," was all he said and they finished their meal in silence. Holly looked over at him as she picked up her empty plate and took it to the sink. "I don't understand what you think you're doing."

Happy shrugged and rubbed at his bald head and she got the distinct impression that he was embarrassed. Sighing out through her nose, she took his plate from him and he latched onto her arm. "We cool?"

"No," she told him honestly and he fell back in his chair. She tilted her head to the side, studying the scowl on his face. He looked so very put out by her answer and he had his arms crossed. He looked like he was pouting. She could feel her resolve practically shatter; he was just so fucking adorable when he pouted. Like a sad pit bull that needed a hug and a tummy rub. "But," she amended, and he cut his eyes over to her, "we're getting there. You can stay while I do homework."

That had him snapping back into action. He snatched the plate back from her and she jumped, but he was already standing at the kitchen sink, washing her dishes, in her kitchen like it was something a man like him did all the damn time and Holly just didn't know what to think. This was just so hard for her to comprehend. It was the Quantum Physics of their weird-ass relationship and she couldn't stop herself from gawking at him like a complete idiot. "Go do your homework. I'll be there in a minute."

He was _trying. He was trying for **her**_. Thank God, she was on her way to go sit down in the living room, because she felt like she was going to pass out at any moment as it finally dawned on her that Happy actually did care about her enough to put in some real effort. Holy fuck, it was happening and now that it was, she was back to shaking and shivering and flipping the fuck out like she had been before. Jesus fucking Christ, a relationship with Happy Lowman was back on the table. Quantum motherfucking Physics, right there. Lyla was going to absolutely die when she found out, Tig was going to shit ten bricks and a steel beam, Rat was probably going to get his ass kicked again, and she was just going to sit there and try to figure out how in the fuck this was actually happening. Because it was.

This wasn't like it had been before. This was relationship territory. They'd just had the relationship talk minus the words. Right? Dear God, that man was one smooth fucker, she had not even realized that's what he was doing. She should slap him for that. Or kiss him. She should _punch_ him and _then_ kiss him. Or just sit there and try to form coherent thoughts because _holy fuck, Happy Lowman wanted to **date her**_. He wanted a relationship with her. That was what she'd told him she wanted from a guy when she'd yelled at him and he'd decided the terms were fair and agreed to them. She had not expected that. She hadn't ever really expected anything from him since they met except maybe eventually sleeping with him and then the both of them deciding they may or may not want more or less and that would be the end of it. But now, this was happening and she didn't know whether to puke her fajita up or high five herself. How the hell had she managed to pull this off? She wasn't even trying.

It felt just like it had when he first started coming over to watch television while she did homework. He sat on the couch in stony silence while he drank his beer and she read all of "MacBeth". They would be reading it and having a class discussion the next day. It was important to be prepared for that, but she was sure that sometimes she could feel him staring at her and it was hard to concentrate knowing that. Even if it did make her feel pleasantly warm all over, it was distracting. Really distracting. Again, she didn't know whether to punch him or kiss him.

When she was finished with all her homework a couple hours later, she fell back on the couch, drawing her knees up to her chest, and she kept her eyes firmly glued to the television. She buried half her face in her knees to hide her half-smile when she caught him watching her out of the corner of his eye.

Clearly, he was trying and he sucked at it. It definitely wasn't something he did. Ever. And she definitely appreciated the effort, even if he wasn't doing very well. But he made her dinner. That was something she would never be able to ignore. He was better at it than he knew. Playing with the ends of her hair nervously, Holly glanced his way and back down at her hair. He was looking at her fully now, though he looked a bit suspicious considering what was going on, but that was Happy Lowman for you. Always suspicious of everyone and everything outside the club. It didn't matter that it was her. And she supposed he was also a bit wary of her because she was giving him a hard time. It didn't matter that he deserved it. It was obvious that Happy was used to getting his way and her refusing to let him do what he pleased was throwing him off. Good, he needed to get knocked down a peg or two. And it was very amusing and super adorable to see him pout. Not that she would ever tell him he was pouting. Or how adorable it was and it made her want to cuddle him. That wouldn't go over well.

Holly wasn't deterred. Instead, she slowly inched over to him until they were sitting mere inches apart and then dropped her head back down to hide her smile. She jumped in surprise when she was pulled sideways, falling into Happy's side with a tiny "oof" and she squirmed to try and sit up a bit. But she stayed there and didn't try to push him away or yell at him and call him names and it made the corners of his mouth twitch upward and there was nothing he could do about that. And Holly was smiling widely and her cheeks were red and she looked happy and when she laid her head on his shoulder, Happy let himself smile for a moment. It wasn't so bad giving her what she wanted every now and then. Especially when she was just so very pleased with him. That mattered to him more than it should and he was starting to kind of be okay with that. So long as she didn't push it that much farther. She was letting him touch her and so what if it was cuddling? He may not have liked it that much, but it was getting them in the right direction and he could put up with it for now. If the cuddling ever got to be too much he could always shove her off the couch and she'd get it. But right now, he needed to put up with it because well, he fucked up and this was the price he had to pay.

Plus, waking up in the house was welcomingly familiar, even if he had to sleep on the couch still. She'd let him back in, was letting him try to fix things, and it was such a relief to know she wasn't done with him.

Holly was already up and eating a bowl of Raisin Bran with her backpack packed. Her hair was still wet from her shower and she was already dressed and ready to go. She gave him a shy smile as she stood up and rinsed her bowl out in the sink and then placed it in the dishwasher.

"You working today?" He knew she was, but he felt like he needed to say something. They were both standing in the middle of the kitchen staring at one another in awkward silence, both completely out of their depth. She nodded and shrugged her shoulders. "I'll be home at the same time if you want to come over." He didn't say anything and she didn't expect him to.

He watched her car pull out of the driveway and she stopped in front of the mailbox, pulling out a large stack of mail.

When he went to work, he felt relieved, like he always did when he finished a meeting with Alvarez, who sometimes called on him every now and then to "tie up" some loose ends. He never got smiley faces for those because they weren't exactly club business, though he could argue they were since the Sons and the Mayans were business partners in Diosa Norte, and that meant their club business was technically his club's business. And Alvarez respected him-feared him, really-and he knew Alvarez wasn't out to get him, but Mayans were still Mayans in his eyes. If you were in any club other than The Sons, you were a potential threat.

It was a quiet day in the garage. Rat wasn't there. He was over playing bodyguard at Diosa (which meant he was probably fucking one of the escorts at that very moment). Jimmy was busy trying to run through the vast number of oil changes they had coming in that day, and Chibs and Tig were helping Venus with the inventory. Quinn was down at Red Woody. There was nobody to give him shit about anything. It was nice. Really nice. He could do his job and not think for once. There was nobody there, yammering in his ear about how fucked in the head he was for thinking about even attempting to go there.

He didn't need that shit anymore. He'd finally worked through it enough to know this was something he wanted to explore and he wasn't going to get over it until he did so. Leaving Holly alone was out of the question. It was just not an option and anyone suggesting it was was going to get their shit kicked in, guaranteed.

There was the clicking of high heels nearby and Happy looked up to see Venus standing outside the office, smiling at him with a thoughtful expression. "How are you doing today, Sugar? Enjoying the quiet?"

He nodded and Venus gestured for him to join her while she had a cigarette. He glanced over to see Jimmy watching them without really looking in their direction and decided it was in his best interest to do as she said. Venus was a lot better to talk to about things anyway. She was much more delicate about getting her point across. Happy abandoned his work and stalked over, watching as Venus puffed on her Virginia Slim. He stuck a toothpick in his mouth and fell back against the wall of the building, sliding his sunglasses on. "How's it goin', Vee?"

"Quite well, thank you for asking." And she did sound genuinely pleased. Venus was always positive. Even at the worst of times and it served to keep Tig even-keeled. Sometimes, Tig was even too fucked up for Happy to deal with.

The pair stood in silence for awhile and then Venus gave him a sideways glance. "I noticed Holly's been dropping Sully off at Scoops. Chuck said he's been watching him for her. He's eating the shop out of soft-serve vanilla."

That last part had him smirking and he rolled the toothpick around in his mouth lazily. "Yeah, she doesn't drop him off here because she said he's a bad influence on Cheech."

"She's not entirely wrong." Her easy smile turned into a grin. Happy gave another one of his silent nods, but his smirk stayed firmly in place. "She's still worried Jarry might try something."

Venus' lips thinned out into a scowl and she tapped her right heel down on the concrete firmly. Venus didn't like Jarry. Jarry had an air about her that was off-putting. Jarry liked to pretend she was "one of the guys" and that she could handle shit just as well as any of them-better, even. But it was just a front she presented that they could all see through easily. She took the pay-offs because she was weak. And once the club was full on legit, she became obsolete and that chipped away at the image she was trying to present. Plus, it distanced her from Chibs, whom she very obviously had a personal vendetta against.

"Well, Sheriff Jarry is a very antagonistic woman who, unfortunately, is in a very real position of power. Holly would not be the smart young lady she is if she wasn't taking such serious precautions." She blew out a plume of smoke, and it looked almost elegant compared to the way he'd seen other women do it. Smoking was such a nasty habit and yet, here was Venus Van Dam making it look glamourous. Venus was "the unicorn in the den of leviathans". That's what Holly had said once. It was a weird as fuck thing for someone to say, but she was right. Venus was the club Unicorn. That set him off smirking again.

"I hope she's not working herself too hard," Venus mused out loud, that thoughtful and concerned look on her face. She was just so damn motherly. If she could bake worth a damn, she probably would have handed him a plate of cookies and patted his head at some point. "She's just so set on being the best academically, so serious."

"That's a good thing." And it was. Holly was smart, smarter than him-he dropped out at sixteen-and she knew stuff. She'd just pop off random scientific facts all the time. She didn't do it often, but sometimes, one would get stuck in her head and she just had to tell him and he liked that. He also liked that she never asked him if he thought she was pretty or if she looked fat or if he really did like her. She didn't give a shit what he thought about her clothes or her make up (lack of since she'd stopped wearing it again) and he guessed she knew he thought she was attractive. His smirk dropped at that. Did she know he did? She was, he thought so. Those long legs and arms were just about the sexiest things ever. He'd discovered that when he made out with her at the Christmas party. And they were very soft. He rubbed his hand on his jeans. His fingers were itching to touch her again.

"Yes, but I still worry. Especially, with how badly her Grandfather is doing."

Happy crossed his arms and stared out over the parking lot. Holly didn't talk about her Pop and she never had talked about him much, but when she did mention him, she always got sad and she bit her lip like she was trying to keep from crying. He hated that. He couldn't stand crying women, but seeing her upset made him really, really mad for some reason.

His mother had been updating him on Holly's Pop's health and how he was going steadily downhill. His mom didn't think the old man had much time left. He didn't like thinking about it because once the old man was gone, Holly was going to end up going nuclear, he just new it. You could only bottle up so much pain and anger before it all came pouring out. It was a side-effect that he knew well, considering he was practically the foremost expert at bottling things up. That was what had gotten him in the doghouse with Holly in the first place. Shit, he didn't want to think about it anymore. He was still pretty bitter about her getting so pissed off at him for fucking up a few dozen times.

He sighed to himself. It didn't matter anymore. The damage was done and he was owning up to it and getting his shit together. He just needed to focus on that.

"She'll be okay. She's strong," he told Venus. He plucked the toothpick from his mouth and tossed it. He was overthinking shit-something he only did when he was thinking about Holly-and it made him need a cigarette bad. He pulled his pack from his kutte and lit up, inhaling and exhaling.

He glanced back toward the garage. Jimmy was still working away, completely oblivious to the world around him. He'd stopped joking around as much as he used to and he was putting in more effort around the garage and within the club. But it didn't raise Happy's opinion of him by that much.

Venus gave him one of those thoughtful looks that wasn't quite as sly as Gemma's had been, but was suspicious enough that it made his jaw clench as he prepared himself for it. Venus ashed her second Virginia Slim and gave him an appraising look. When Gemma had looked at them like that, it had always made him and the other club members feel two inches tall. But Venus always made him wonder what it was she saw because their was always a twinkle of pride in her eyes when she looked at them that way. It was that damn positivity of hers.

"You know, you're my favorite club-member. Besides, Alexander, of course, you're my favorite and I have a soft spot for you, truth be told." There was nothing flirtatious in the way she said it. But it was conspiratorially spoken in a soft almost-whisper. She dropped her cigarette butt on the ground and crushed it under her heel and patted his shoulder gently as she sauntered back into the office. "I think, you're good for her, regardless of what anyone else may think. For what it's worth."

He finished off the last of his cigarette and flicked the remainder far off into the lot and rubbed his head as he returned back to work, his lips twitching as he tried not to smirk too much. Surprisingly, it was worth a lot to him.

* * *

Holly made a stop at Teller-Morrow after school to drop Sully off so that she could go to work. Predictably, he headed straight for Happy and Holly rolled her eyes at the pair of them. Happy smirked at her, but didn't say anything, not that he would, the smug bastard. But that still managed to make her roll her eyes again as she took her small duffle out of the trunk of her car and jogged over to the clubhouse. Picking up Sully from Scoops, cut into the time it took to go from school, back home to change, and then to work, so she'd been stopping to change at Teller-Morrow. She hated changing in that stupidly cramped bathroom, but it had to be done.

She managed to change into her scrubs without falling into the door more than once, but nearly faceplanted twice when she pulled on her shoes, yelling out a very loud "Fuck" as she slammed into the wall and then again into the door. Holly stuffed her clothes into the duffle, not bothering to fold them because she didn't have the time and they needed to be washed anyway.

She threw the door open and stepped out into the hall, struggling to zip up the bag in her haste. She was so busy fighting with the bag she didn't notice the biker standing in her way and ran right into his chest. She stepped back and looked up to find Happy watching her with that infuriatingly blank look on his face. Without a word, he took the duffle bag from her and zipped it shut with relative ease, making sure to give her a look as he did so. She rolled her eyes at him and he smirked in response.

"What's up, _Buttercup_ ," she asked in a teasing tone, bouncing up on the balls of her feet. If he was going to be an insufferable twat, then so was she. However, he seemed unfazed by her ridiculous term of endearment as he turned back toward the entrance, taking her arm as he went to guide her out. "You're gonna be late."

"No, I'm not," she disagreed. And she wasn't, she had another twenty minutes to get there and that was plenty of time. He didn't say anything, he simply opened the door to the clubhouse, holding it open for her to pass through first and she eyed him as he did so. He ignored her curious gaze and she grinned. "Well, look at you, being all chivalrous and adorable."

"Fuck off."

She couldn't help it. He was just making it so hard for her to keep her mouth shut about this. "Are you gonna carry my bag and walk me to my car, too?"

He outright glared at her. "Yeah, you got a problem with that?"

"Not at all," she told him honestly, poking his arm, "I like it."

He growled, but that seemed to mollify him a bit. She bit her lip to keep from laughing. That would just piss him off and start a fight. She glanced up at him and watched as he gnawed on his toothpick. "You coming over tonight?"

He nodded, but didn't look at her. His movements had become less relaxed and she looked around him toward the garage. Chibs and Tig were standing outside the office, watching them. Chibs looked worried and Tig looked very very angry despite Venus standing nearby, rubbing his shoulder soothingly. Tig was actually baring his teeth in their direction. Holly mentally scoffed. Like _those_ two had any room to talk. Like their relationships weren't ever called into question by anyone else. Hypocrites. She reached over and squeeze his hand and then let go. "Ignore them. They're just being a couple of nosy douchecanoes. They'll get over it."

"It doesn't bother you?"

Holly glanced up at him again and shook her head. "No, I don't give a shit what they think. What about you?"

"Ain't their business." That was all he said and she could tell he meant it. What really bothered him was that they thought it was their business. He didn't give a damn what they thought either. He'd obviously gotten over it just like she had and that made her heart skip a beat and her cheeks redden. He was the only person that could make her blush and while it was embarrassing and it made her feel self-conscious, she knew it meant she really liked him and it also meant no matter what this was worth it to her. But she'd never tell him that. It go straight to his head and she didn't plan on stroking his ego any more than necessary. He was too smug for anyone's good already.

"Which is why they're such douchecanoes." She popped the trunk of her car open and watched him put her duffle bag inside. Tilting her head to the side, she leaned against the driver side door. "What do you want for dinner?"

He looked up at her as he slammed the trunk shut. "I don't know." It came off as more of a question and she knew she had caught him off guard. Happy came around the side of the car and leaned against it, not close enough to touch her, but not far enough away that she had to reach for him. They both crossed their arms, inadvertently mirroring one another's postures and for Happy, that just reinforced his opinion on their strange, new relationship. He was never telling anyone that because he would never live it down. "Whatever you want."

"How about chicken?"

"S'fine," he said with a shrug. She nod and pushed herself off the car. "Ok, now get off my car and get your lazy ass to work."

"Mouthy bitch," he muttered, smirking and she raised an eyebrow at him. "Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?"

Nothing, absolutely nothing, because he was still on thin ice with her and he was scared shitless of fucking up. He was dangerously close to becoming whipped and he needed to do something about that soon. He scoffed over his shoulder at her as he walked away. "I'll see you later."

Holly watched him go, watched as he stalked right passed Tig and Chibs without even acknowledging their presence, and went back to work. Sully was laid out on the garage floor behind him. Smiling to herself, Holly climbed into her car and pulled out of the lot, waving at Tig and Chibs as she went. She really didn't give a shit what they thought and knowing Happy didn't either was sort of freeing.


	11. Chapter 11

**I don't own anything. All the characters belong to Kurt Sutter. I'm just playing with his toys.**

 **This should have been finished and posted last night, but I had a wedding to go to out of town and I was exhausted when I got home, so I'm sorry. Anyway.**

 **Guys. This story has 115 follows as of right now. _115_. That's like the best parade ever. And 54 reviews for ten chapters. That's mind blowing and I can't stop myself from telling you how much I appreciate you guys taking the time to tell me whether you love it or hate it and it's so great that I even get a response. All of you are the greatest ever. You guys review repeatedly and you always look forward to an update and that just makes my day when it comes to writing and posting this story for you guys. **

**Anyway, I've decided that I need a stable less stringent updating system, so. Every Sunday, I will be updating this story and my Walking Dead story. That gives me an entire week to write and edit and revise and make this story and that one a million times better.**

 **OH. and hey, did anyone hear about the SOA SPIN-OFF?! "Mayans MC". Cool, I'm down for some more Alvarez, but...where's my SOA at? They have to appear every now and then since they all own a stake in Diosa Norte, right? Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed so much on this. Anyway, I'm done talking.**

 **Please, read, review, and enjoy!**

* * *

11\. Confession

* * *

Holly had the weekend off and it was Saturday morning. It was seven in the morning and she was dead tired. She'd babysat for Lyla and Chibs again and she was kind of pissy. Sleep-deprivation did nothing for her mood. She'd been passed out on the couch covered in a Ninja Turtles blanket with Piper laying across her legs when Lyla woke her up that morning.

She fell off the couch when Lyla nudged her shoulder over the back of the couch. Rubbing her face, she stumbled up onto her feet. It was very probable that there was popcorn in her hair, but she was too tired to care or check and her legs were half asleep from having had Piper laying on top of them for most of the night.

"How was the shindig," she asked with a yawn as she stretched. Chibs was standing next to Lyla with his usual look of disinterest. He didn't much care for being a part of she and Lyla's conversations. Lyla shrugged and smiled. "Like it always is."

"Raunchy and full of drunks," Holly mused, rubbing her eyes yet again. She grabbed her keys from a nearby table and Lyla escorted her to the front door. "So what are you doing today?"

"I'm going to eat and then pass out in bed for the next twelve hours. Your kids have way too much energy for me. I'll see you later," she said with a wave. Instead of driving straight home, Holly stopped at the diner. She was exhausted and if she didn't have some coffee within the next five minutes, she was going to pass out cold. She tied the leash she had Sully on to the newspaper receptacle outside and entered the diner, smiling tiredly at the waitress who greeted her with a cheerful 'hello'. She sank down into one of the booths and rubbed her temples. She was getting a tension headache.

"What can I do for you?"

"Coffee please and a giant, greasy cheeseburger, basket of fries, chocolate milkshake, and a slice of cherry pie."

The middle-aged waitress gave her a wide smile and shook her head slowly. "Honey, I don't know how you manage to eat all that."

She just smiled in return and watched as the waitress brought her a mug and filled it with coffee before she went to help her other customers. Holly choked down her scalding hot coffee, ignoring the way it seared her taste buds right off her tongue and she fiddled with her napkin, resisting the urge to close her eyes and pass out in the booth right that second. Why? Why did she always agree to watch those damned kids by herself? Why didn't she literally just shoot her foot off? It would have been less draining and painful. Sure, she liked the kids. But in small doses, not hours at a time. Those kids were just so full of energy. How did they do that?

The waitress brought her the chocolate milkshake and pie first. Holly dug in, waving her thanks as she stuffed nearly the whole slice in her mouth. She was starved. Popcorn was a shitty dinner. She didn't even like popcorn, she'd just eaten it because it was there and she'd started getting hungry. The milkshake was a quarter of the way finished when the waitress brought her a basket of fries and another fresh cup of coffee.

Exhaustion was replaced by hunger the second she smelled them. Sleep was now the furthest thing from her mind.

"Somebody looks like shit." Goddamn it. Holly closed her eyes and tried not to scream in frustration. Why couldn't she eat in peace? Just once. Why did this bitch have to pop up everywhere? And that fucking giggling. It wasn't that hard to ignore her, considering there were all those mouth-watering fries just waiting to be devoured. Yeah, she was gonna murder those greasy bits of heaven.

"Must be real hard, getting plowed by a bunch of outlaw bikers one right after the other," Cammie mused cruelly. She was smirking like that was the best insult she had ever delivered and Holly mentally scoffed as she slurped down her milkshake without pause. Cammie was insufferable. Now she really did wish she'd shot her own foot off. Life would be so much easier.

"Well," she replied lazily, not at all worried about the blowback this would create at school, "you would know all about getting plowed, wouldn't you?"

The smirk dropped off Cammie's bright pink lips and her pale blue eyes iced over. Holly was apparently in for it. Heather and Tiffany had stepped back, like they were expecting the wrath of God to suddenly rain down on them. "Why you little-"

A motorcycle revved as it pulled into the parking lot and the four of them looked up and out the window. There was Happy, pulling into the diner parking lot. She watched him pull up and park next to her car. Sully was up and jumping and barking like a puppy and it made her smile. Happy cut the engine and smirked at the giant dog, scratching his head as he passed him and stalked into the diner. She could hear Cammie bitching like she usually did when someone had the audacity to cross her, but she didn't care. Happy was walking into the diner, looking as fierce and intimidating as ever. She shoved a handful of fries into her mouth to keep from smiling like an idiot at him, fully aware of the moment he caught sight of her. There was no outward indication that he had and his sunglasses shadowed his eyes from view, but she knew. Her arms broke out in goosebumps and her entire body began to quake. It was completely bizarre this intense reaction she had to him.

She gulped down her mouthful of fries and gave Cammie her fakest smile. "You should probably shut your mouth and move."

"I have no idea who you think you think you are, you freakish-" Holly watched Cammie get ready to spew bile. That was what she did, after all, but her face was now the same shade as her neon lip gloss and her chest was heaving in the most unladylike fashion ever. She looked like she had rabies and she should start foaming at the mouth very soon. Holly dropped her chin into one of her hands and used the tips of her fingers to try and pin her lips closed, but she couldn't. Her gin was wide and probably a little crazed because Cammie looked that ridiculous and Holly wondered if she could ever get her this riled up in school. People would talk about it for the rest of the year.

"I know Aaron Foster gave you flowers for Valentine's Day, you stupid bitch," the blonde was spitting more than a fucking camel and Holly slid her basket of fries as far away as she could, shielding it. "Those were my flowers! Mine!"

"Um, okay, well I guess he missed the memo." Flowers? What was it with women and getting flowers? She liked plants as much as the next person, but that didn't mean she wanted to chop them up and send them to people. What says 'I love you' more than killing plants and sending them through the mail? Dead flowers.

"Look, you're obviously mentally impaired, so I'll spell it out for you-"

"No, that's okay, I one the tri-county spelling bee when I was in fifth grade," Holly waved her off, very purposely misunderstanding her. "I don't give a shit about your flowers or Aaron Foster. I don't care about what is or isn't pissing you off today or any other day. I don't care what you think about me and I don't care what you think I think about you, which is very little."

"This is my senior year, you stupid cunt," Cammie hissed, "you wanna make my life a living hell, I'll make yours a living hell. You think you've got some edge going for you because you let those bikers fuck you-"

"You three bitches got a problem." Oh, Happy was using his scary voice. It was kind of a turn on. Holly smirked at him. "Yeah, they have a problem with all the bikers I'm letting fuck me."

Happy shoved Tiffany roughly into Cammie and sat down in the booth across from Holly, who followed his movements with her bright eyes. He grabbed a fry out of her basket and shoved it in his mouth, ignoring the three girls standing at the table, their eyes wide and unsure.

"So, Happy," Holly began, furrowing her brow in mock curiosity. "I think, the problem is, that they really want to know how it is you become a crow eater. I think maybe they want to be the ones sucking dick and getting plowed."

He turned his head to study the three girls. Heather sucked in a breath, eyes still wide, but her pupils dilated. Maybe Heather Neusbaum really did want to be a crow eater. Happy's were already back on her basket of fries, which he was busy stealing. "How do you become a crow eater anyway?"

He looked up from the fries to her for a moment and then turned and gave the other three a look every bit as unsettling as his scary voice. "On your knees."

Tiffany was the first to buckle. She shot out of the diner and into the parking lot at warp speed. Happy raised an eyebrow at the two remaining girls. "The fuck are you still doing here?"

Cammie squeaked, much like a mouse and pulled Heather out with her. The waitress came back to their table then, brandishing a plate with the remainder of her food on it. Holly bounced in her seat at the sight of it. Cheeseburgers were just great. Everyone should have a cheeseburger everyday. The waitress set it down in front of her and Holly knew she was beaming. "You are a peach. A peach."

The waitress took Happy's order and Happy finally took his sunglasses off. He looked grouchier than normal. "You look like fucking shit. Again."

"That's cause Lyla's kids are demons," she told him, already biting into her burger and moaning as she chewed. It was just so good. Food was magical. Food was what life was about. Happy was still eating the French fries in her fry basket. Happy was an expert at lounging while being completely aware of his surroundings. He always looked so relaxed. And he was, but there was still that part of him that was coiled and ready to strike. Just like the snake tattoo on his head.

"Well, that was fun." And it kind of was. She dipped a fry in her chocolate milkshake and ignored the Happy gave her a look for it. He could kiss her ass if he was going to be a judgmental prick over how she ate her food. Milkshake covered fries were delicious. "So, how was the party?"

He gave her another look, but this time it was very defensive. "How the fuck should I know?"

"You didn't go?"

He was scowling out the window now as he mumbled grumpily. "Slept on your couch."

She bent her head to stare at her burger. He was super pissed now and she was pretty sure if he caught her grinning at him he'd yell and storm out. Holly, picked up her burger and took large mouthfuls, barely chewing and nearly swallowing it whole. Happy looked at her like she had two heads. "You are so fucking weird."

"You love it, don't act like you don't."

He growled at her, baring his teeth, and she slurped on the remainder of her milkshake as she poked at his shin with her toe. "You wanna go back to my place and make out?"

Now he was snarling and snapping and about the angriest she'd ever seen him. There could only be one answer. "Yes."

* * *

They hadn't even stepped out of the diner before Happy's phone was buzzing in his pocket. Holly was disappointed, but also relieved. Sex with Happy had become daunting in the past few days. Happy wasn't some fumbling, drunk teenaged boy at a party. He was a man, with experience, who knew what he liked and wanted and exactly what to do and Holly wasn't at all fooled into thinking that just because he was attracted to her meant she would be great in bed. What if he hated it? What if he decided he couldn't be bothered with a girl who didn't know exactly what to do to please him? Happy was the kind of man who knew what he wanted and took it. But what if she didn't know how to give it? Holly was absolutely fucked either way. One way just happened to be metaphorical instead of physical.

"I gotta go," he ground out and he still looked so mad. Holly could only nod. She couldn't bring herself to look at him then. He was just so...big. Had he always been that much bigger than her? That intimidating? How the hell had she missed it?

"What," he asked her and he didn't sound as angry as he had a moment ago. She managed to shrug one shoulder as she hugged her arms around herself. What the fuck was wrong with her? She wanted this, right? She'd been over the moon that she finally had him and now she was too scared to actually go any further? What the hell? He'd probably never heard a woman tell him "no" in his entire life. Why was she suddenly hell-bent on kicking him in the shin and running as far away as she could?

Because Happy was scary. He was very scary. He was mean and scary and hard and cold and a lot of other not nice things and sex with him was bound to be just as unpleasant. Selfish. The crow eaters had said he was selfish and at one point, she didn't care about that. But now, when she thought about it, she really did. What if everything else was great, but the sex absolutely sucked? What if he thought she was bad and she thought he was bad?

Happy tilted his head to the side as he looked down at her and it made her feel so very exposed. He could see everything, she just knew it. Like he'd cracked her skull open and every thought she'd been having for the past five minutes were now writhing around on the asphalt for him to see. But Happy's hardened face never betrayed his thoughts and he brought one hand up to cup it around her upper arm. His thumb was rubbing against her exposed skin and it felt so good it was almost painful, like her nerve endings were raw and continuously being zapped with electricity and her whole body was starting to hum with it. "You gonna be okay if I go?"

If. _If_. **_If_**. Happy Lowman did not blow off club business. Quantum Physics. She nodded and gave him a half-smile. "My head's getting really loud." It was such a weird thing to say, even for her, but Happy gave a tight nod of his own because he got it. He'd been around her enough to know that sometimes, she overthought things and freaked herself out or sometimes, on the rare occasion, him, and there was no stopping her. His hand had moved from her arm to her neck and that damn thumb of his was rubbing circles into her collarbone and it was both relaxing and exhilarating. Her heart was hammering for a whole different reason now. How did he do that?

He nodded again and she stepped back as he straddled his bike and put his helmet on. She gave a tiny wave and a matching smile as she watched him pull out and then she went to get Sully. Once she was in her car, she pulled out her phone and dialed the only person she could think of.

"Hello?"

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Um, nothing? What's up?"

Holly debated for a second longer than she should have. "Holly are you okay?"

"No, I'm freaking out, holy shit, I'm totally freaking out."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, where are you?"

"I'm in the parking lot of the diner. And I'm seriously freaking the fuck out!"

"Okay, okay, meet me at the garage. Can you do that?"

"Yeah, I think I can get there."

Lyla was sitting on the picnic table when she arrived, looking very worried and her expression worsened as she watched Holly get out of her car and come over to her. Her hands were shaking and she felt like she couldn't breathe. This was not good. Lyla met her half way and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Her eyes were wide with concern and she suddenly looked frantic. "What happened? Did someone hurt you? Holly?"

She pushed Holly to sit on the bench and Holly looked up at her, her expression mirroring her blonde friend's. "Happy wants to have sex with me."

Lyla blinked down at her stupidly. She was speechless. Slowly, she lowered herself onto the bench beside the redhead and Holly suddenly shot up off the bench and flung her arms wide. "What do I do?"

"Well, do you want to have sex with him?"

"I don't know." Holly was well aware that she sounded pathetic the way she was whining. Holly didn't whine, she bitched. But this was a borderline temper tantrum and she hadn't had one of those since her elementary school days. And she was pacing. She was pacing a lot. Lyla's head was turning back and forth so fast she was liable to get whiplash. "I mean, what if I'm bad at it? He's been with a lot of women and I mean, like, _a lot_ and they know what they're doing. I don't. Every guy I've slept with hasn't been older than eighteen. How the hell did they know what they wanted, you know? They were just happy they had a place to stick it. But Happy can stick it wherever he wants, so what if he thinks I'm bad and doesn't want to stick it in me anymore?" She slapped a hand over her face and shook her head in disgust. "This is fucking ridiculous. I'm being ridiculous, right? I mean, people don't worry about shit like this, do they? I mean, I don't have any reason to be worried, right?"

"I'm sorry, I'm still trying to get past the fact that you and Happy are actually going to do it," Lyla admitted and Holly scowled. Really? She did not want to repeat that rather embarrassing tirade again. But Lyla did in fact look very lost. "What changed your mind? I mean, you said it wouldn't happen."

Oh, shit. Shit. Shit. _Shit_. They hadn't told anybody about this yet. Oh my God, what if she wasn't supposed to? Shit. Looking at Lyla was one of the hardest things she had done in her entire life as she told her best friend, while her face burned as if it were on fire. "Well, we're kind of a thing. Now."

Silence settled between them as Holly waited for Lyla to process her words. "Holy shit. ** _Holy shit_** , Holly."

"I know, I know."

"Holy shit. You're in a relationship with Happy Lowman? Happy fucking Lowman!" Lyla was suddenly laughing as if it was the funniest thing on earth. What. A bitch. "Yeah, way to be supportive, Lyla, laugh at my pain. Just laugh, you evil bitch."

"I'm sorry," Lyla wheezed as she held up her hand in surrender and then bent to put her head between her legs to keep from laughing harder. "Oh my God, this is hysterical. I mean, of all the people in the world for you to pick and all the women in the world to pick, you pick each other! He's such an asshole and you're so fucking weird! Oh my God!"

"Yes, I know, it makes no sense, this is not what we're here to discuss." She slapped her hard on the leg and Lyla yelped. The blonde pouted, but didn't argue and Holly went back to pacing. "Okay, seriously. This is important. I'm trying to tell you I'm afraid I'll suck in bed and all you can do is laugh at my pain!"

"You'll be fine."

"No, I can't deal with this, this is terrifying!" She was the one in hysterics now, but for very, very different reasons. "I mean, have you seen him? Like really seen him? What the fuck? What the **fuck** , Lyla? Have you seen the women he usually fucks? They have tits and asses and nice hair and pretty faces and they look like sex on legs when they wear dresses. They can walk in heels." She jerked a finger at her chest. "I can't walk in heels, Lyla! I T-Rex like a drunk sorority girl at a kegger! My tits barely fit in a B-cup now. I lost more weight. I think it's the stress, I don't know, but I can see my fucking ribs and what if he thinks I'm disgusting? What if I take my clothes off and he thinks I'm grotesque?

"And if we get farther than that? What if I'm bad at it? Like he's not getting a single thing out of having sex with me? Like he might as well fuck a bagel or something? Like so bad he just gets up and leaves and never speaks to me again? And then, then he's gone and I know for sure I suck at sex because he's got actual women he can compare it to who obviously know what they're doing since everyone likes fucking _them_. I haven't had sex in over two years! Two years and I thought that was all fine and dandy, but now I don't because he's gonna expect-he's gonna expect-" She threw herself down on the bench next to Lyla and huffed indignantly. "Well, I don't know what he's gonna expect, but what if I don't know what to do? I'm scared."

"Wow," Lyla breathed after a moment, looking at the ground, completely stunned. "You really like him. Like, head over heels like him, Holly. Borderline love him."

"Don't fucking say that," Holly snapped, shaking her head wildly. "I do not. ** _I don't_**. That's not funny, don't say shit like that."

Lyla swiveled in her seat and took ahold of her young friend by the arms. "Holly, everything is going to be fine. It's okay for you to be afraid to have sex with Happy because you like him this much. I was the same way about Opie and Chibs. Sex is a major step in a relationship and I think you're only freaking out because you're worried that you won't be compatible in this one area. If Happy's saying he's gonna stick to you, I doubt he'll drop you just because it wasn't mind-blowing the first time around. Happy's not the kind to stick to one girl, so if he's trying for you, that's a big deal and you know it."

"He makes me so nervous now. Even worse than he did when I first met him. Like I can't think right and I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack whenever he's around or I might throw up and it's just a lot to deal with."

Lyla ran her hand down her back over and over again. "I know, I've felt the same way before. It's scary. Starting a relationship always is. Is this your first one?"

"Yes."

Lyla's smile was kind, just like her. "I'm pretty sure it's his, too."

"Well, at least we'll fuck up together?"

Lyla chuckled and nudged her knee. "There's another party tonight and you're incredibly wound up about this. You two should both come. You need to relax and just hang out."

"That sounds like a very bad idea." Holly had said she was done with partying and she meant it, but sitting at home with Happy was making her paranoid and self-conscious because what he wanted from her and she wanted from him was daunting and she was petrified of him sometimes. He had to have sensed that, right? Whenever she just randomly froze up while he was over and he had his arm around her or he reached out to her and she just turned into a living statue until he stopped touching her again.

"Okay, maybe you're right," she agreed after a moment. She let out a huff of air and tried to calm her nerves. "But this is still a bad idea."

* * *

Holly wasn't a girly girl and so she didn't have many dresses. But for some reason, wearing a dress was what she felt she should wear whenever she went to one of the clubhouse parties. Her dresses were modest and she felt they set her apart from the other women in a way that made it clear she was not now and would never be one of them. But that only served to make her feel even more out of place. Holly Graham grimaced as she second guessed herself for the millionth time that night as she stood in the Teller-Morrow parking lot like the lost little girl that she felt she was. This had definitely been a bad idea. Even Happy had seemed like he wanted to tell her so, but had kept his mouth shut and just nodded.

Now she was supposed to meet him there and she really didn't want to. She didn't want to meet him anywhere. She wanted to run home, crawl into bed, pull the covers over her head, and die there. A bottle smashed somewhere on the property and Holly jumped as the sound assaulted her ears along with the raucous laughter that followed. There was bass pounding out from the clubhouse and it looked way too cramped and crowded. Why did she let Lyla talk her into this? Because she was weak and vulnerable, that's why. Pop would tell her to buck up and follow through with her commitments.

There were dozens of people, all older than her, watching her as if to say, "Are you lost?" Some of them were smirking at her meanly like they were superior to her in ever way. And they were all blocking the entrance. She was stuck. It was the Christmas party all over again. And now, she really wished Happy would swoop down and save her just like last time.

Her phone chirped in her jacket pocket and she pulled it out. She didn't recognize the number. "Hello?"

"Where are you?" The yelling and the bass was echoing in her ear, but she could still make out that rasping voice anywhere. "I'm outside. There's too many people and I..." What else was there to say? "Happy, I'm a coward and I can't deal with this?" No way. He'd probably tell her to cut it out or he'd cut her.

The line went dead and she dropped her phone from her ear. Their first phone call and he'd hung up on her. The odds of this thing between them working out were slim to none.

" **Get the fuck out of my way**." It was like the parting of the Red Sea and there he was, standing beside the picnic table, directly in front of her, holding out a beer to her with that stony look on his face. His head was tilted to the side as he watched her blush up at him and take the bottle he offered her and his face may have been cold and hard, but there was that spark of dangerous intent in them that he only ever had when he looked at her and it made her shiver. Backlit by the red glow coming from the clubhouse, Happy looked as fearsome and intimidating as ever. There was a pull to him, something that made them gravitate together and Holly was aware of it for the first time. He was looming over her now; he hadn't been before and she didn't think he was even aware that he was. There was no intent behind it and Holly entertained the idea that just maybe, Happy wanted to be closer to her than he realized.

The intensity of his gaze was making it impossible for her to stop blushing and the low rumble of his voice solidified that. "That the dress from Christmas?"

She could only nod and Happy moved to lean against the table, idly peeling the label from his bottle. "Like that dress."

Her cheeks were now officially blazing. Happy wasn't one for compliments. She looked off toward the clubhouse and met several pairs of eyes. She wasn't that surprised, they were an odd pair, but the amount of attention they'd garnered from the hang arounds was disconcerting. She looked back down at her beer and realized neither one of them had had so much as a sip. It seemed like Happy was having is own mental misgivings.

Holly startled slightly when she noticed she leaned in toward him in the same way he had her not even minutes before. Her knees were pressed up against his thigh and Happy looked up at her again, head still tilted, and put an arm around her waist. That small amount of contact made her want to kiss him. Badly. Her lips ached with the notion. She placed a shaky hand on his shoulder and his eyes lingered on it before he turned his black eyes to her hazel-green ones, asking without speaking. She swallowed thickly. There was no way she could tell him no. She was ready to take that step with him, but also so very not. How could she ever dream to put it into words without offending him. He'd cut her loose and pretend what happened between them never had and the time between now and when it would end was ticking by too quickly for her to ignore. Their days were numbered. Why did she insist on wasting them with indecision?

Gripping her beer bottle by the neck, she chugged half of it, aware of the way Happy's eyes burned a trail down from her mouth to her collarbone as he watched her with open interest. She paused when their eyes met and he somehow managed to look even more intense than a moment before. She downed the rest of her beer and then tugged at the collar of his shirt. Happy downed his beer in one go and set it on the table top next to hers. Holly boldly took his hand in her own and he let her, trailing right behind her, close enough that she could feel the heat of him on her back as he followed her around the side of the building toward the tire stacks.

She felt rather than saw the moment Happy raised an eyebrow in surprise and she herself was a little more than confused by her own actions. Their last encounter there hadn't been completely pleasant and she was still put off by the fact that he'd tried to fuck her on a stack of tires in the parking lot, but she couldn't be all mad at him because if it hadn't been for Lyla calling her, Holly would have let him.

She almost shook her head. That was in the past. This was different. She and Happy were together in the broadest sense of the word. Any free time she had, was spent in his company and vice versa. She simultaneously wanted it that way and couldn't stand it. It was just too much. But it wasn't enough either.

Happy settled back on the short stack of tires this time, hands braced on either side of him and he looked so casual and cool and everything Holly wasn't. What did he see in her? For fuck's sake. But all his muscles were taut in his forearms and Holly watched him from under her eyelashes. Maybe he was nervous, too. She'd been kind of aloof all day with him, ever since he came back from wherever it was that he had been called away to.

And there she was, standing too far away for him to reach out and touch her. Like he was a disease she was afraid to catch. And she knew he could see that. That she was pulling away from him in that moment. She needed the space to be honest with him. Or she wouldn't be able to do it and things would blow up in her face spectacularly.

She scuffed the bottom of her shoe against the ground and a pebble crunched as it rubbed against the concrete, grating the ground along with her ears. Holly bit her lip and looked up at the tall stacks of tires. Why was this so hard? "You scare me."

She looked down at him when she saw him draw himself up and cross his arms over his broad chest. There was a hostile glint to his eyes that was even harsher than when they argued. Unconsciously, she took a step back and for the first time, she nearly cowered before him as her courage waned and she barely managed to continue. "It's just...you're so...and I'm...I've never done this before. Whatever we're doing and I don't know what we're supposed to do when you're with someone like this, you know? I either avoided it or guys didn't want that; they just wanted other stuff. And whatever, you know? I didn't care that much because, who gives a shit about this kind of thing in high school? But you're you...like, you know. You're-you're-" She broke off, not even aware that Happy was no longer scowling at her, but watching her with that open curiosity he tended to do when she wasn't paying attention, arms hanging limply at his sides as he listened to her ramble.

About how much she liked him. She wasn't afraid of him because he hurt people, could hurt her if he wanted to. She was scared of him because she liked him. Holly hadn't said it, but he knew that's what she meant. He felt himself slowly sit back down, eyebrows raised as he watched her. She looked so painfully awkward standing there. So Holly.

"Look," she sighed out, lifting her hand from her face and gesturing at him in a sort of apology. "I like you, a lot. I do. But this thing between me and you, it makes me freak out because every time you touch me, I get nervous and I shake and stuff and I just needed you to know that." Wow. She was just the Queen of Awkwardly Lame Speeches. Why did she even bother existing anymore? "I don't even know what I'm saying right now because I can't think. With you. Sitting there. Staring at me."

Why did she even say anything to begin with? Now she was beyond embarrassed and he was smirking at her. Smirking. Why the fuck was he smirking at her? Why was this funny to him? Was he really that much of an asshole. _What a dick_.

Happy pushed himself up off the tires he was lounging against for only a moment so that he could reach out to pull her closer and she stumbled forward, letting out a muffled grunt of protest when she fell into his chest. She reared back ready to cut at him with words as sharp as the knife he kept clipped to his belt and he quickly covered her mouth with his own, keeping one arm wrapped around her so her arms were pinned to her side and he brought his other hand up to grip the back of her neck and keep her in place.

Holly's brain short-circuited and her lips started to tingle and then burn and her body thrummed and she was shaking hard and the hand that was gripping her neck dropped down to rub circles in her back and left a trail of fiery ice in its wake. It was painful, this swell of emotion that swept through her. This was a desire that ached and she both loved and loathed it. Her body was completely undone by him.

When he pulled away from her, Holly was breathless and it might have been her very generous imagination but he didn't seem to be fairing well either. She stepped around him to sit beside him on the tire stack and he immediately wrapped an arm around her. Warm. Every single part of her was warm. Holly leaned forward and kissed him again, chastely, and then let her chin fall to rest on his shoulder as he hugged her to his side. "You still scare me."

"I scare everyone."

She turned her face up to look at him. He was smirking down at her proudly and she gave him a small smile in return. "Not like this."

"No," he agreed and his voice was husky and almost a whisper just like hers, "not like this."

They spent the next few hours sitting on the car tires, stealing kisses from one another as the music from inside the clubhouse pulsed out into the night along with the beating of their hearts.

* * *

Holly stood inside the doorway to the courtyard, picking at the lint in the inside of the hoodie she was wearing. It wasn't hers and she hadn't meant to steal it, but she hadn't been able to find the jacket she'd worn the night before. It wasn't in Happy's room and she vaguely remembered chucking it at someone's head and telling them to fuck off and Happy laughing meanly at the person as they slunk off to some darkened corner of the clubhouse while she watched Chibs do body shots off Lyla. Happy had sat at one of the bar stools near Lyla's legs while he chugged from a bottle of Jack Daniels like it was a bottle of water with Holly seated firmly on his lap like she fucking belonged there.

Nobody had questioned it, though Tig had watched them for a while with sharply narrowed eyes. But Happy must have sensed it because he was much tenser than he had been while they were outside. Still, he'd kept one arm tossed loosely around her waist, resting across her lap like it was something he did all the time while he casually hurled hollow insults at his club president. Chibs had seemed completely unfazed by their apparent togetherness and Holly just knew that Lyla must have said _something_ for him to be this nonchalant about her cozying up to Happy like that.

When she'd yawned, eyelids heavy and yearning for a pillow, his breath had been hot in her ear. "You tired?"

She'd hummed and then jumped when he swatted the side of her thigh in order to get her to move. But then he'd grabbed her hand and led her back down the clubhouse hallway, passing the nearly empty bottle of whiskey off to someone in the crowd and led her straight to his dorm room, opening the door and letting her in first.

The room Happy kept at the clubhouse was immaculate. It looked like it was cleaned regularly. No dust, dirty clothes in a small laundry basket by the door (and there were blood stains on some of them), the bed perfectly made. Holly never made her bed. Now it made sense why he always glared at her bed like it had done him some great injustice whenever he was in there. Happy Lowman, the man who was by all accounts too angry, too violent, too cold, too hard, and much too closed off was a neat freak of the highest order.

Happy had shut the door behind them, taken his shoes off at the foot of the bed, and collapsed on his stomach. "Get in bed," he mumbled into the pillow. Holly followed suit, curling up under the covers and grinned when he reached out for her, and pulled her into him. He didn't try to cuddle her, but he'd wanted her close. They'd fallen asleep facing one another and it had been nice. Really nice.

But she'd woken up in a panic, yelling about how late she was, as she pulled on her shoes and grabbed the first article of clothing that looked like it would cover her wrinkled dress. At least it matched her black converse. But it was still too big on her and people kept giving her funny looks at the assisted living facility. Even the nurse who was always so nice to her. She glanced down at the Reaper emblazoned on the front. Well, this was highly inappropriate to wear when going to a facility full of dying people.

Holly groaned and mumbled to herself about her stupidity as she shuffled out into the open air. Her Pop was sitting at a table with a checkerboard in front of him. There was a dark-haired woman sitting across from him. She was painfully thin just like Holly and she looked fragile, but kind and warm. She was smiling at Pop, who looked happy. Holly didn't want to ruin that.

Still, she was here, and she wanted to see him. She missed him. She followed the path toward the table. The flowers and rosebushes were well-maintained. Pop looked up at the woman across from him and caught sight of her. "Holly!"

Her body flooded with relief and she smiled and waved, stuffing her hand back in the hoodie's front pocket. Pop was standing up and clapping and the woman he was with turned to look at her with a smile on her face. But the smile soon dropped as she took in Holly's appearance and her eyes lingered on the front of the hoodie right until Holly reached them. Ugh, that hoodie had been a bad idea.

Pop embraced her in a warm hug, kissing her on the cheek several times. "Where you been, Sweetpea?"

"Work and school."

"Work and school, work and school," he chuckled and the pair sat down. The woman across from him was watching the pair with a polite smile on her face, but her eyes kept drifting back to the Reaper on the front of Holly's pilfered hoodie. God, even her clothes lacked tact. She mentally facepalmed as she looked over at the woman as her Pop gestured to her. "Holly, this is my friend, Maria. Maria, this is my Granddaughter, Holly."

Holly gave her a small wave and shifted in her seat uncomfortably. "Hi, nice to meet you."

"Nice to me you, too," the woman said kindly and Holly got the distinct impression she was being evaluated. Like she was at some job interview. But her Pop didn't notice and he patted her back hard, but she was grateful for it.

"How is work?"

She let out a sad sigh. "They had to cut my hours because their funding got cut again."

"Where is you work again?"

"The animal shelter outside of town in Charming."

"Charming, you live in Charming?" She smiled at him, but it felt so fake and so forced. She'd told him this last time. And the time before that. She nodded. He gestured to the woman across from him. "Maria's son lives in Charming!"

"Oh, really," Holly managed to say pleasantly. "What a small world."

Maria gave her a tight nod and her dark brown eyes danced as she looked at the young girl across from her, but didn't speak.

"And how is school? Are you still getting good grades?"

"Yes, I got all 'A's last semester. I don't really like the classes I have now, but I'm keeping up." He was patting her back again and she smiled proudly back at him. "Have you made any more friends? You never mention your friends?"

"Um." How did she answer that? She didn't want to tell him that she was being heavily bullied by Cammie and her vapid little minions. Thursday she'd discovered the janitor trying to scrub some very choice words about Holly and her blowjob skills off the bathroom wall. It was back up the next day along with another insult penned in sharpie. That one mentioned freshman year and that really stung. "I've got a couple."

"Do you plan to go to college," Maria asked, and Holly was grateful even though it didn't seem like Maria was really interested. But she nodded and smiled anyway. "Yes, I'm planning on becoming a veterinarian." The woman seemed surprised by her answer, she smiled and it seemed warmer than before. "Well, that's great. And you graduate from high school this year?"

"Yes, this May. I'm considering taking some of my courses online this fall though, you know, with everything here." She would never talk about Pop like he wasn't there sitting beside her when he really was and Maria seemed to understand what she was saying and she smiled wider, warmer than before. She watched as the pair went back to their game of checkers, perfectly content with watching the easy interactions between her grandfather and his friend.

Holly jumped when her phone rang and she politely excused herself to stand a little ways away as she answered. The phone number was unfamiliar.

"Where are you? Did you steal my hoodie?"

"Happy?"

"Who else would it be?"

"I don't know," she exclaimed defensively, highly aware of the way Maria was openly staring at her. "This is the second time you've called me and it's a completely different number."

"Where are you," he asked again, ignoring her clipped tone. She let out a sigh. He was like a dog with a bone sometimes. "I came to visit Pop."

"How's he doing?" He sounded a little less aggressive now.

"He remembers who I am today," she mumbled into the phone, cupping her hand around her mouth to keep from letting anyone overhear. "Today's a good day."

"So, did you steal my hoodie?" She could hear the smugness in his voice and she let out a disgusted snort.. "Well, I didn't do it on purpose. I couldn't find my jacket."

"You threw it at Rat's head."

"Did he deserve it?"

"No."

She stuck her nose in the air and put her hand on her hip. "Well, I'm still not sorry. He's rude and I don't like him. Next time, I'm throwing a shoe. D'you wanna watch a movie with me tonight and order some pizza?"

Happy chuckled down the line at her. "You're so fucking weird, Girl."

"Yes, but you love it," she told him breezily, smirking to herself as she looked down at her shoes and kicked at an acorn on the grass. "And you're weirder than I am."

"I gotta go." And he was grouchy again. Typical. She rolled her eyes at him. "Okay, later."

He didn't even bother to say anything back as the line went dead and she shook her head as she pulled the phone away from her ear. She smirked at her phone for another moment before stuffing it in the pocket of her hoodie and went to sit beside her Pop again.

"Boyfriend?" Holly's mouth hung open as she tried to think of a way to answer that question. Happy wasn't exactly what you'd call boyfriend material. And he definitely would never call her his girlfriend. No, he wasn't one for such innocent sounding labels. Maria had an almost condescending eyebrow raised, like she had an idea of what was going on when she really didn't. Holly floundered for a second longer. Pop was still staring at the checker board.

"Yeah, but we're not really labelling it," she mumbled, and both of Maria's eyebrows rose at that and Holly felt like she was being pressured to keep talking. She wound a strand of her hair around her finger as tightly as possible while she spoke. "He's kind of...abrasive and he doesn't like people in his business and he doesn't really like talking about this kind of thing, which I'm fine with because I don't either, so we're just kind of together? But without calling it that. I don't know. It's really weird."

"Sounds like it." God, this lady hated her. She could see it. Her eyes were harder than diamonds and she had her mouth puckered sternly, like talking to Holly had been the equivalent of sucking on a lemon.

"Is he nice to you," her Pop asked suddenly as he moved his checker down the board, jumping several of Maria's in the process. Holly tried not to smile at the question, but she couldn't help it. "Yeah, he is, in his own way."

"Does he still spend a lot of time with you?"

He remembered their last talk. Holly watched her grandfather, eyes tearing a bit. "Yes, all the time."

Pop sat back in his chair and shrugged as if it made little difference to him. "Well, then, this sounds like a good thing. He's good to you, you're good to him. What's the problem?"

Holly covered her mouth with her hand as she grinned. Sometimes, Pop could really put things into perspective for her. Pop clapped his hands together and looked up at Maria. "Well, I win. You wanna go best two out of three?"

Her Pop was the absolute best.


	12. Chapter 12

**I can't apologize enough for how late this is. I've had several family members needing to be placed in the hospital, one who isn't ever going to get better. On top of that, my computer is technically not mine anymore. Husband's computer broke and he needs to borrow mine often, which is annoying. I love my computer. We're BFFs.**

 **Anyway, this chapters a bit long. Whatever. And it took forever to write not just because of real life issues, but because I suck at smut and I'm still not happy with it because me writing smut makes me feel like I don't know what I'm doing and I hate that. Oh well, it's barely nothing. Seriously. I'm sorry for that. But smut is kind of intimate and personal to the characters and they're bot extremely impersonal with each other, so that felt right. Sorry if it's disappointing.**

 **However, I want to thank everyone who has been waiting for an update and has supported this story for the run it's been on so far. I really appreciate all the reviews and PMs and encouragement more than I can express. I can't tell you how much.** **Seriously, you guys are amazing.**

 **Please read and review and let me know if I'm an utter failure or not or mediocre at best. I love you guys. Enjoy the rest of your week and again, I am sorry as fuck.**

* * *

12\. Tension

* * *

Happy Lowman wasn't a patient man, not when it came to sex. Or lack thereof. And why should he be? He'd been getting laid whenever he wanted for the past twenty years. Why stop now? Why mess with a good thing like free pussy whenever he wanted it? Holly Graham, that's why.

Holly Graham was something he never could have expected. He didn't expect to meet a woman who wasn't scared of him on some level. It'd be a lie to say he never smacked a woman around. He had when they'd threatened him or his club. And, yeah he was rough enough in bed that it was borderline psychotic. Sometimes, the crow eaters did look like he'd beaten them when he was done with them. It had given him a reputation, but that didn't stop them from fucking him whenever he wanted and even if he roughed them up, they weren't put out by it. Most of them wore those bruises like a badge of honor.

But Holly wasn't like that. She didn't give two shits that he could beat her to a bloody pulp. She didn't care that he was inordinately violent. She wasn't at all scared of him. Not in the way she should be, at least. She took every opportunity to bait him and for the first few weeks he knew her, he really _did_ think she wanted him to hit her with the way she always snapped back at him. But now he knew she wasn't afraid of him. She never would be. She'd pushed and pushed and fucking pushed until they'd both figured out that he was never going to hit her because for some reason, she had a free pass when it came to pissing him the fuck off.

And God was it a surprising turn on to be around a chick who didn't look at him like she was afraid he was going to slit her throat if she blew him wrong. Not that Holly was blowing him, but he just knew by the way she flirted with him, tried to get a rise out of him, that there was no fear that he would get too pissed off and snap her neck. In fact, she seemed to like watching him get that pissed off. Him being in a murderous rage was amusing to her because she knew-that bitch fucking _knew-_ he wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it. And that always pissed him off even more. Only now, he had no one to take it out on. There was no one to kill and no crow eaters to fuck.

And there was Happy, suffering from a massive case of blue balls for the first time in his life. Why? Why was he putting up with this? He wasn't a patient man. If he wanted something, he went out and took it. You had to be that kind of man to be in this club, legit or not. He should drop her and be done with it. He should have been done with it before any of it started, but it was too late now. He was stuck.

Because now, Holly was afraid of him for a completely different reason, a reason no woman had ever been afraid of him for before. And it may have piqued his interest in her even more, but it also had him scared shitless because **J** **esus fuck** he _liked_ that. Holly Graham wasn't afraid of him because he'd killed people in cold blood and could do the very same to her if he had a mind to. Holly Graham was afraid of him because she liked him more than she'd ever counted on.

Happy couldn't remember the last time some gash liked him for more than a fuck. Hell, it might not have been since high school right before he dropped out. And she wasn't clingy and she didn't talk about forever or their future. She didn't know where this was going and she didn't want to know anymore than him and she didn't care about any of it other than knowing that he was gonna stick around for the time being. He could do that. It wasn't a short leash she had him on. Not fucking anyone else seemed like a fair trade off for having someone around who didn't give a shit about what you did or didn't do and just let you be.

And kissing her wasn't bad. It was actually pretty great, if he was honest. Happy hadn't ever been one for kissing. It was mainly a formality for him, an "if I'm going to fuck you, I might as well kiss you" type thing. Buy Holly liked to let out breathy sighs and moans that weren't over exaggerated and she'd shake and shiver and hold onto him like she'd slap the shit out of him if he thought about stopping, which why the fuck would he ever do that?

Since she'd told him how nervous he made her, he had to admit, he had actually been more patient because he was curious at first, but now he liked the effect he had on her. Holly would turn as red as her auburn hair and she wouldn't be able to look at him and she'd fidget. It was funny and not at all what he was used to seeing. Nobody had ever reacted to him like this and he loved it because it was so fucking funny to see someone as bold and confident as Holly become a quivering mess in five seconds flat. Sometimes, he was so consumed with causing these reactions, he completely forgot about sexual gratification because it was like he was torturing her and torturing people had always been one of his favorite pastimes. So what if she wasn't bleeding and broken and begging for death?

And second base. That's what Holly had called it. She let him get to second base with her after she came back from visiting her Pop. Something had pissed her off and he'd asked her what was wrong (he was doing that a lot now) and she'd scowled at him, shoved him down on the bed in his dorm and told him, "Shut up and play with my tits." He didn't need to be told twice. They were way smaller than he was used to-not even a handful, really-but he didn't give a shit because he had tits to feel up and that was more than he'd had in awhile.

Now, they were laying on the bed, breathing heavily, and Holly was scowling. Happy lit a cigarette and leaned back on the headboard. Holly was settled with her head laying on her pillow. Her breathing had become normal again, but she still looked as aggressive as her kisses had been and he watched her with open interest when she plucked his cigarette from his hand and took a drag. She passed it back without even looking at him and let out a disgusted snort.

"Pop has this friend there, this lady," Holly told him, though she still kept her eyes trained on the ceiling. "I don't think she likes me. Which normally wouldn't bother me, but she's his friend or whatever. But she just sat there and looked at me like I was doing something horribly wrong. Like she just watched me snort coke off a hooker's ass or something."

Happy didn't know what to say to any of this. He probably would have told the lady to "fuck off". Yeah, he definitely would have done that. Maybe threatened her, too. But Holly wasn't the type of girl that went around throwing herself into conflict. She tried to avoid confrontation and unless this lady actually came out and said something, he doubted Holly would ever say anything to her face. So, Happy just lay there beside Holly, staring up at the ceiling with her while he smoked. It was always better if he just let her talk and he never really minded. The way she tended to babble on about shit he never cared about was somehow entertaining to him. She had a strange way of talking that kept him engaged and even if he didn't give a shit, he still liked to hear what she had to say. That was a first.

Holly rubbed at her forehead and let out a puff of air. "I mean, it totally didn't help my case that I wore a hoodie with the Grim Reaper on it to a place full of dying people."

He was laughing loud and hard before he realized what had happened and Holly's eyes were wide and bewildered as she watched him. He hadn't laughed in front of her like that since they watched the princess movie where the princess whacked the guy in the face with the skillet. His stomach was actually beginning to hurt, but he couldn't stop, even when she sat up and started smacking him on the shoulder as hard as she could. That just made it even funnier. If it had been any other bitch, he would have punched her. But not Holly. Sure it stung, because she was a lot stronger than she looked, but they had equal footing in this, somehow. He wasn't sure how, but it made sense on some instinctual level so he let it slide when she did things she shouldn't do.

"God, you are such a dick, Lowman, this isn't funny," she complained, giving him an extra hard smack on the back of the shoulder as he stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand and then turned back to her quickly, grabbing her by the wrist as she hauled back to give him another whack. She didn't even have time to register his reaction as he rolled on top of her, dropping all his weight onto her. She squealed and beat at his side with her free hand. "Get off me, you fuckwit!"

Happy wasn't laughing as hard as before, but he was still laughing more than he usually did at anything. Holly dug her fingers in hard under his ribcage and he growled in response, squeezing her wrist and pressing further in on her. Her face was bright red and she was getting angry and huffing at him and it was just so damn funny. Picking on her was his favorite past time. It was so much fun. Her angry face would be full of fire and ice and rage and her glare was meant to be terrifying but it was...weirdly attractive. It made him want to kiss her a lot. Not just throw her down and fuck her, but kiss her like she ought to be kissed, which was a really fucking weird thing to think and it pissed him off if he outright thought about it. It made him feel pussy whipped like Tig and Chibs, which he was not and never would be.

Happy buried his face in her neck and bit her. Holly squealed and wriggled under him. "Happy, you giant douchenozzle, get off me!" She was starting to laugh now. She snorted when she laughed, really loud and long. It had been shocking the first time he heard it and hadn't known what to feel about that but now it was one of the funniest things ever. Gasping for air in between snorts, she shoved at his chest and smacked at his back until he finally relented.

He fell back on his side of the bed with a triumphant smirk on his face and the gleam in his eye was sinister, but she just smiled at him, bemused, as she rolled onto her stomach and propped her chin up in one hand. "You are so fucked in the head, Happy Lowman."

He reached out and pinched the pale skin of her forearm roughly and she deftly smacked him away with her other hand. Holly rolled her eyes when she noticed the way he openly ogled her meager chest with intense interest. The man was a bigger horndog than any teenage boy she'd ever met. "You know, I don't know why I even care," she said finally, eye trained on the crisp whiteness of his shirt sleeve. He was always so clean. How did he do that? "I mean, it's not like I have to see her every time I got there and so what if she's silently judging me? I'm fucking awesome, Goddamn it."

Happy's expression (lack thereof, actually) was damning, but he didn't say anything. He was more than comfortable with letting her work her own problems out. Mostly because he didn't care. Holly lay on the bed, back pressed into the too firm mattress and huffed out a breath. "Think I'm gonna go home and do laundry. And study. I need to study."

Happy rolled his eyes. That was all Holly ever did. Study. He couldn't be too much of a dick about it though, because if she was studying, that meant she wasn't talking and if she wasn't talking, that meant it was quiet. It was always quiet at Holly's house and they both liked it that way. He watched her as she pulled the straps of her dress back over her shoulders and pulled her hair up into a messy bun. She glanced at him sideways. "So, we've spent enough time with each other over the last twenty-four hours that I feel I can say this with utter confidence."

Happy raised an eyebrow as if to tell her to continue and prodded at the toothpick in his mouth with the tip of his tongue. Holly sat up on her knees and yanked the giant black hoodie back over her head and onto her waiflike body. She shoved the sleeves up on her forearms and they immediately fell back down. She didn't seem to notice as she stared him down. "I'm kind of sick of you. I have shit to do and I don't need you in my space, trying to distract me with your presence. If you try to come over, I'll punch you in your face." And she meant it. She always meant it. She bounced forward, pulled the toothpick from his mouth and kissed him soundly. Happy didn't bother to kiss her back-mainly because it was over so quickly, but also because he didn't really feel like it-and he took the toothpick back when she held it out to him. She wasn't smiling, but she wasn't glaring like he'd pissed her off. "If you wanna come over tomorrow, fine, whatever. I'll see ya."

He watched her saunter over to the door and she threw it open, turning to look at him with a smirk on her face. "Your bed is shit, by the way."

Happy tossed his toothpick at the door as it clicked shut. God, she was such a weird fucking bitch.

* * *

California was unbearably hot and it had already been a shit day for her. Except for the making out and messing around with Happy. That had been nice. Plus, he'd seemed like he had enjoyed what they'd been doing, so it gave her a little confidence boost. She'd been so pissed off about that Maria lady that she'd forgotten to be nervous. So maybe having Maria silently judge her like the sickly crone she was wasn't all that bad.

When she pulled into her drive way, she could hear Sully barking through the front door, which was rattling. She let out a longsuffering sigh and scowled. She parked and climbed out of the car and then opened the rear door and tugged out the large bag of dog food. Sully ate more than any dog she'd ever seen come through the shelter (or any other shelter she'd ever been to) The bag weighed over fifty pounds and it took a little more time than she was willing to admit to haul it out of the back seat. It thudded to the ground with a loud, crunching smack and Holly let out a squeak of outrage as a pile of mail that she'd long forgotten about came spilling out of the back seat and onto the gravel. She bent and gathered up the pile, slammed it back down on the seat with a few choice words, and stomped off into the carport. She had a giant Rubbermaid garbage bin that she used to the store the dog food in. Luckily, she hadn't had any trouble with raccoons yet.

The redhead, lugged the trash bin over and set it beside the car. It was nearly empty, but it was soon to be nearly full and lugging it back would be a million times worse in a few moments. Holly grunted as she hefted the fifty pound dog food bag into the bin, heaving in a lungful of air as it thudded to the bottom and then she dragged it back. Sure, it was only a couple feet, but it still wasn't fun in the unbearable heat.

As she made to close the rear passenger door on her car, she paused, eying the pile of forgotten mail. There were a couple bills she could see peaking out from the sun bleached pile. They'd been paid, but it was always good to keep a record and she would have to go through the pile eventually. Why not now? And, it would give her an excuse not to work on her essay about the Bay of Pigs for another five minutes.

Holly gathered the pile and finally entered her house, breathing in a contented sigh. Coming home, to the quiet solitude it provided always gave her a soothing rush of relief that was unparalleled. It was its own little world, created just for her and she reveled in it. Holly kicked her shoes off by the couch and Sully lifted his head from one of the cushions, tail thumping away. SpongeBob was playing the background. Personally, Holly couldn't stand the show, but Sully liked having it on when he was home alone and if it kept him from getting her in trouble with the Charming Police Department, she wasn't going to complain.

She dropped the stack of mail on the coffee table and then grabbed her backpack from the foot of her bed where she had left it the previous day.

Sandwiching herself between table and the couch, feebly batting Sully away when he ran his slobbery tongue over her cheek and pressed his wet nose into her ear, she began to sift through the pile of mail. There were three bills and a bank statement, which she set aside to be filed later in an accordion filing case she had in her closet, which she decided made her responsible and mature for her age and not at all an anal retentive twat like she felt it probably did. She'd expected the majority to be nothing but junk mail. Pizza place coupons, grocery store adverts, credit card offers; but there was a stack of identical envelopes. Some were pink and other a peachy, faded pastel from sitting in the sun for too long. But they all had the same exact and neatly printed writing on the front. No return address. The same as all the Hallmark cards she received before.

The cards inside were all identical and none of them were signed. There were nineteen cards in all. Holly scoffed and slammed her hand down on top of the pile. "Fuck you, Cammie, you stupid fucking cow." Holly gathered up the cards in her hands and stalked into the kitchen, being sure to throw them in the trash bin under the sink as violently as possible.

Holly wasn't sure why she was so angry. Maybe it was because this prank was just so stupid. It seemed like a waste of money and effort to send a bunch of cards like that. And it just seemed pointless. At least slashing Holly's car tires had done some actual damage. This was just...who the hell even knew what it was? She was just going to continue to ignore it until Cammie finally got fed up and either tried to make a scene or gave up. That seemed the best option. She really didn't give a damn. Except for the massive waste of time it had been to sit there and go through those cards. Next time, she wasn't opening them. They would go right into the trash like they should have the moment she'd seen what they were. Holly snatched an apple from the meager bowl of fruit in the center of the kitchen table before stomping back into the living room and dropping down on the floor. She took a vicious bite of her apple and scowled into the room surrounding her.

This had to be why that skinny, big-titted bitch was doing this. Because she knew that it was stupid and that would bother Holly the most. Cammie was probably sitting at home giggling while she flipped through the latest issue of Cosmo while she waited for her hot pink nail polish to dry on her toes. Well, fuck her. Like hell was Holly going to let her ruin the rest of her day. She was going to write the best essay ever written on the Bay of Pigs and that would show that stupid bimbo. Yeah, fuck Cammie Showalter.

But by the time she was half way done with the essay, most of her fire had burnt out along with her will to live in that moment. Why couldn't their teacher assign an essay on the sexual revolution? She could totally get into writing and essay on the secret lives of swingers or how people liked to take a bunch of acid and then have wild hippi orgies in the woods while they jammed out on acoustic guitars and tambourines. Or maybe that only happened in movies. Who knew? She didn't because her teacher wasn't letting her write an essay on _that_. No she was writing about Castro and Kennedy and trade embargos against Cuba. What the fuck ever. She didn't care. All she knew was that Kennedy got the jump on hording Cuban cigars and that hardly seemed fair since he was so pissed off at Cuba for being Cuba (which is what it seemed like to her anyway), which he should have expected.

Ugh, history. She rubbed her eyes and decided then was a good time to start on her laundry and at least tidy her room up a little bit. Maybe even dust if she still needed to take a breather. Two loads of laundry, a clean bedroom, and a fully written essay later, Holly stretched out on her bed and passed out cold. Life was exhausting and she was fucking done with it for the day.

* * *

The work that day was easy. Mostly oil changes and tire rotations. It was a slow day and Happy appreciated that for the first time in years. He and Tig had been on the outs since Holly had spent the night in Happy's room. Nothing had been said, but it wasn't hard to put two and two together. Tig hadn't said anything, which Happy was sure had something to do with the way Venus kept giving him reprimanding looks if he so much as glared in Happy's direction. Something told him they were gonna end up in the ring at some point and it wouldn't be all in good fun the way it usually was.

Holly rolled up in the parking lot around ten and Sully trailed after her with his tail between his legs as she led him to the office. All work came to a halt as it usually did when she came around. Holly was always entertaining. Even when she was being weirder than shit. This was one of those days.

"I told you no," she was hissing down at her dog. "We talked about this this morning in the car, did we not? You can't just run around town anymore. It's bad behavior and you're rubbing off on Cheech and if something happens to him it'll be your fault and you can explain it to Happy," Sully lifted his head and looked up at her with big, sad eyes and she pointed at him. "Don't you start that. I am so done with you today. You are on thin ice, Mister. I told you no, so you suck it the fuck up and behave yourself for Venus."

They stopped outside the office and Sully sat down without a fuss, Holly still shaking her finger at him. "Now you sit there and you think about what you did. And don't you come in until you're ready to apologize to me."

"You are so fucking weird." There it was again. Him saying what he was thinking about her out loud without meaning to. He really needed to stop doing that, even if now it wasn't so much an insult as an observation. She was _really fucking weird_. Holly whirled on him, finger raised in his direction, and fire in her eyes as she snapped at him. "Don't you start with me, either. Don't even. I'm not going to put up with your smartass comments right now, so just shut up and get back to fucking work, Lowman."

Finally able to get a good look at her, he took in her completely soaked figure. Her white shirt was plastered to her front and the black bra that was underneath was visible for all to see. "Why the hell are you wet?"

Her face turned so red it was almost purple and he involuntarily backed up a step and Sully cowered down at her feet as she pointed back down at him. "Because this little shit right here decided it would be a good fucking idea to go frolicking through the sprinklers in front of City Hall. Jarry had to call the school to pull me out of class so I could go down and get him because the five deputies she had sent out couldn't catch him. I had to tackle him to the ground. My car smells like wet dog and shame."

He didn't even know what to think of that. So he just stood there, mouth slightly open. She pursed her lips. "Exactly. Right there. That is how I feel."

She didn't wait for him to say anything to her and she stormed right into Venus' office. The door slammed shut and they could hear her yelling, Venus laughing, and more frustrated yelling. Sully continued to cower in front of the office, unmoving as he kept his head lowered. Holly came stomping back out of the office. She was still huffing, but she seemed to have calmed down enough. She looked at her dog with narrowed eyes. "You behave yourself." And then she got in her car and sped off.

"Is she always like that," Quinn asked nobody in particular. Yes. Yes was the definitive answer. But he'd be damned if he was going to be the one who answered that question. Instead, he crouched back down and went back to work. Somebody turned on the radio and it was back to work as usual.

Tig spent his lunch break giving Sully a proper bath and Happy thought long and hard about the strange rapport Tig and Holly had with one another. It was like she had always been there, that was how Tig treated her. Like Holly had always been a part of his life, one of his treasured, troublesome daughters. And that was what had put him on thin ice with most of the club in the past forty-eight hours.

Tig's attachment to Holly was clear as day. He was so proud of her. It wasn't uncommon for a club member's daughter to end up becoming an Old Lady at some point. But you didn't get involved with her unless that was where it was headed. You didn't fuck around with her like you fucked around with a crow eater even if it was a mutually agreed upon relationship. It was disrespectful to your brother and therefore disrespectful to the club. Holly may not have been Tig's by blood, but he had claimed her as his own. Happy was disrespecting the club.

Somehow, he stupidly hadn't factored that in. Happy was SAMCRO through and through. How the hell had he missed that? Was he that hard up for new pussy? No. No, he wasn't. Pussy had never been hard to find for him. What was hard for him to find was an explanation as to why he didn't consider Holly "just new pussy". She was his friend, but he'd fucked a few of his friends and after that, they weren't his friends any more; they were available pussy. And then he dropped them, too, when he got tired of them. It was how he always operated. Long before he'd join the club. Long before he'd decided he wasn't the relationship type. It just always played out the same way and he didn't care how things went down. But now he did. Happy was going to end up fucking Holly and he was more than sure he would still consider her his friend. She wouldn't just be some gash. She would stubbornly remain Holly, which was just so completely infuriating and logical and wholly fucked of him.

He was going to continue to get heat from this for a long time, he just knew it, but it wasn't enough to stop him. That was a scary thought; knowing he didn't care as much as he should was hard for him to comprehend. He should care. The club was his life. But Holly was worming her way in and he wasn't sure he could stop that. He didn't really want to anymore and he was starting to make peace with that. An angry, rage-filled peace, but peace nonetheless.

Happy resisted the urge to throw something across the garage. He had no clue as to how he'd gotten here. Was it when they'd first met? When she offered him a beer after he returned her car? Kissing her that very first time?

When he got to her house that evening, she was right where he knew she'd be, writing down random facts in her sloppy yet somehow very feminine cursive handwriting between the couch and coffee table. ID tv was playing in the background. She looked up at him with that look she always wore when she saw him at the end of a long day and she looked how he felt physically. Tired.

Happy stepped back into the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the fridge and came back to sprawl out on the couch. But not before he leant forward and squeezed the back on her neck in an uncharacteristic show of affection. He had no idea where it had come from, why the hell he would even want to do something like that. If you touched a woman, it was supposed to be with the intent to fuck her or grope her, something less innocent than offering comfort or whatever the hell he was doing.

The burn of anger he felt at his reaction toward her was immediately snuffed out when she leaned back into him with a low hum of satisfaction that he could feel vibrating through the base of her skull and he squeezed a bit rougher. Holly seemed to like that because she pulled herself up off the floor and crawled right on top of him and kissed him harder then he expected. When she pulled away, she sighed, running her hands up under his shirt and raked her fingernails over his stomach. "Today sucked."

Happy didn't care about today though. Holly was draped over him, pressing hot kisses along his jaw and into his mouth and that was all he could focus on. He scowled at her and squeezed the back of her neck roughly as his other hand gripped her hip and pressed her down into him. "If you don't knock it off, I'm going to fuck you into the couch."

Her hands began to shake instantly and her nails bit into his skin painfully and fuck if it didn't feel amazing. Somehow, her shirt ended up on the floor along with her bra and his kutte was scrunched up-balled up on the couch behind him along with his own shirt.

Holly fell back onto the other side of the couch, the air leaving her lungs in a small huff. She gave him a half-hearted glare; he might have shoved her to get her there, but he didn't care about being gentle right that second. He cared about finally getting to fuck her. That was what he cared about. Instead of apologizing, something he would never ever do, he wound one hand in her auburn hair and pulled it taut while he shove his other hand down the front of her shorts. Her glare faltered as his fingers moved against her and then inside her and she let out a shuddering breath and pressed herself further into his hand. Happy snarled at the small sound. It definitely wasn't the over-the-top porn moaning he was used to and he'd forgotten how big of a difference that made. He lowered his mouth to her left breast and bit down on her nipple hard. Holly responded by yelping and scraping her nails down his back in one long drag.

His movements became rougher and harder until she shoved him up off of her and with shaking hands, tried to unbuckle his pants. Her face was scrunched up with determination, flushed, and she looked wild. Happy smirked and crooked his fingers inside her as hard and fast as possible. Her body jerked in response and she growled at him. "You. Fuck. You."

Her hands became more frantic and she practically ripped the zipper off his jeans before shoving them, along with his boxers. And then she paused and simply stared for a moment before looking back up at him. "I don't think you're going to fit."

Sex wasn't a laughing matter to him, it had no place in the bedroom when he had his dick in some willing pussy. But he had never had a woman tell him that. "Oh, you're so big" was the one he was used to. Her blunt declaration was so surprising he barked out a laugh at the absurdity of the situation and yanked down her shorts. "It'll fit, trust me. We need a rubber."

"I'm on birth control, so don't worry about it. Unless that last crow-eater did give you herpes," she told him, raising an eyebrow as she lay back down against the couch cushions and traced the outline of his abs with her fingers. "In that case, you should put your pants back on."

"I'm clean," he mumbled and draped himself over her. "You good?" He couldn't remember ever having asked that, or being honestly concerned. He couldn't remember paying attention to the look on a woman's face or running his fingers through her hair as he idly noted how soft it was while he shifted into position above her. But Holly looked nervous and for once, he didn't want her to be and it wasn't amusing as it always was. Not in this moment. Her legs were wrapped around his hips and she'd wrapped her arms around his neck and she was clutching him more than holding him. She nodded a little frenetically at him and he gave her a look, but she nodded again. "I'm good, I'm good. I swear."

He pushed into her in one swift, hard thrust and her eyes widened. When he did it again, she bit her lip and pushed back experimentally and then moaned. Which caused Happy to growl as he thrusted even faster and harder and she fought to keep up.

"Fuck, Happy," she cried out and it sounded real. He pulled away from where he'd pressed his face into her shoulder. Her face was screwed up in concentration as she pushed back against him. Yes, this was definitely better than sex with crow eaters.

* * *

Sex apparently did wonders for Holly. Her stress level was nonexistent now. Sitting on the front lawn outside school while she munched on a sandwich and got a jump on her history homework, Holly realized she just didn't give a shit about anything because now she felt like it would work itself out and if it didn't, she would worry about it then. Funny how letting Happy fuck her into the couch for a few hours left her with a brand new outlook on life. It was definitely much more effective than yoga.

And he hadn't slept over either, which was nice. She'd gotten up to take a shower while he finished watching television and when she'd come back out, he was dressed and waiting. "I'm leaving."

"Okay," was all she said, which seemed to satisfy him as much as it did her and he left and she finished her homework and went to bed. Then the next day, after work and school, he met her at her house and drank his beer while she did homework. And when she decided to take a break, he pulled her on to his lap and had her ride him for an hour. Afterward, she went back to doing her homework and he went back to drinking his beer. And once she was done with her homework for good and decided to do a load of laundry, he fucked her on top of the washer. Sex with Happy definitely made doing housework much more entertaining. It was new and exciting and made her feeling completely nauseous in the best way possible. She didn't understand what she had been so afraid of and sometimes, she got the urge to giggle nonsensically to herself when she would remember the way her smack her bare ass and asked her to come for him and how he was always so cuddly afterward, which seemed to be a surprise to them both.

Holly found herself grinning stupidly for no reason in the middle of class or smirking at her teachers like she knew something amazing that they didn't (and she totally did). But she kept her mouth shut and went about her days as she always did. And when she went by the garage on her days off, she went to see Tig and not Happy, who wasn't bothered by that one bit as he would nod in her direction and then completely ignore her the way she did him.

She always brought Tig a burger and fries and they would sit at the picnic table and talk. However, there was a level of tension that Holly had begun to sense between Happy and the Vice President that wouldn't quite dissipate, and Holly was beginning to believe she was going to have to be the one to address it.

Yes, in their messed up little biker club, Happy was doing something bad, but as far as the rest of the world was concerned...okay, he was still doing something bad. Shit.

Holly shut her history book and closed her notebook as she took a sip of water from her water bottle. This situation needed to be addressed tactfully, which was impossible since it would involve Tig, and she would have to be the one to do it. If Happy tried to-which he never would-there would be yelling and then hitting and possibly shooting and that just was unacceptable.

Unfortunately for Holly, it was quite clear that the best way for her to talk to Tig about this would be to bring up her past, something she was loathe to do, but it seemed like she would have to. Ugh, great, the one thing she cringed hard about in her life. But everyone went through a super-slut phase brought on by the diagnoses of their Guardian's Alzheimer's, right? Psychology was weird and she was definitely weird, and her and Happy were just...yeah, this was not going to be easy to explain.

Holly scanned the barren student parking lot from under her Aviators as she continued to try and piece together a solid explanation in her head and raised an eyebrow when she noticed Janet walking toward her from the front of the school. Ever since Janet and her boyfriend had gotten serious, she'd been sitting pretty at the other end of Cammie's table in the cafeteria. Either she was coming to ask Holly to cover yet another one of her shifts or she was trying to subtly gather dirt on her for Cammie. Either option was unappealing.

She watched expressionlessly as Janet plopped down on the grass in front of her without invitation and tried hard to think of a way to greet the other girl without sounding like a completely sarcastic bitch. "Hey...Janet. How's...things?"

"Oh, great," Janet said with a brilliant smile and Holly watched as she smiled a little bit too widely and she cleared her throat and sipped her water again. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

Those were the magic words. Janet suddenly unloaded. "So, I know you're not a thing with that one guy in the biker gang-"

"Club, it's a club." Why the hell was she correcting her? They were a fucking gang.

"Right, club," Janet agreed in exasperation, frowning at herself, "anyway, so do you go to their parties any?"

"Uh, I've been to a couple. They're not that great."

Janet's were wide with awe and admiration and Holly could think of a million other things she'd done that day that were more admirable than having attended an Anarchy party. Such as brushing her teeth and eating a healthy breakfast. Or remembering to signal while making left-hand turns. Really anything, was more admirable.

"So, what are they like?"

Where exactly was this going? Hadn't they talked about this like a million times before at work when they were both bored and trying not to think about how much they smelled like wet dog from having to groom the animals? She shrugged and looked down at the grass. "Lots of booze, lots of bikers, lots of fighting, lots of sex."

"What do you do while you're there?"

"I just kind of hang out. I don't really participate in any of that..." Which was soon to be bullshit since she was very sure that the next party she attended, she would most definitely end up fucking Happy in his room. Only instead of being serenaded by Barry White or Marvin Gaye, it would be the loud Scottish brogue of Chibs as he screamed "Chug it, you bloody wanker" at Quinn and everybody screamed in encouragement. Oh my God, she was dating a middle-aged frat boy, wasn't she? Well, that was sort of really depressing when she thought about it. Maybe it would be a good idea for her to drink next time she was there.

"Do you think I could come with you next time?" And there it was. Of course. Janet had never been that interested. Someone had to have put her up to it. Cammie? Heather? Tiffany? "Why? I'm not exactly in a position to just invite people, you know. Underage drinking and all."

Janet scoffed as if that had nothing to do with it. "The cops never bust them! What could it hurt?"

"You could get in massive trouble, Janet! They're not a bunch of frat boys celebrating the end of finals," Holly snapped completely ignoring the little voice in the back of her head that pointed out that she'd compared Happy to a frat boy not even a minute earlier. "Anything could happen to you while you're there."

"You saying that from experience?"

"No, but-"

"Then what's the big deal? Look, I won't even go in with you. I'll just show up and say someone invited me."

"This is insanely stupid of you, Janet," Holly snapped, shooting to her feet and grabbing up her books and trash. "This isn't some game. This isn't something fun for you to do. This isn't safe-"

"Why is it okay for you to go, but not me?"

"Because I know them personally," Holly yelled, "they look out for me. No one will be there to look out for you. You'll be up for grabs!"

"What does that mean," Janet asked and she sounded genuinely concerned for once. Holly gave her a look. "What do you think it means? What does it sound like it means, because I think it should be pretty clear." She shoved her empty lunch bag in a nearby trash can. "I'm going to class."

Holly didn't look backward as she left Janet standing alone on the grass as the bell rang.

* * *

Holly should have seen it coming. She'd suspected as much all week, with the way Janet kept giving her those weirdly thoughtful looks in the halls between classes. And she'd even glanced at Holly over her shoulder a couple times during English class, but Holly had done her best to avoid eye contact. But she should have noticed that Janet was spending way more time with Cammie and two idiot followers. That would have clued her in to what was going to happen that Friday night. But instead, she was blindsided.

It was way too loud and way too hot in the clubhouse for Holly and Lyla. Chibs was also over it and Happy, who was more than a little tipsy was three shots away from getting into a fight with a hangaround who'd been too loud and obnoxious for his own good, so the four of them had migrated outside. Chibs and Happy were arguing goodnaturedly as they stood by the picnic table. Lyla was rolling her eyes shoving Chibs in the shoulder. He retaliated by slapping her on the butt, which made Happy cackle with laughter.

Holly was only half-listening to what they were arguing about. Perched on the table top, with the skirt of her dress pulled down over her knees (and holding it there because Happy's hand kept trying to wander to not so innocent places) Holly was content to watch as the party-goers pushed in and out of the clubhouse at regular intervals. Happy was sitting next to her, one arm around her waist in an uncharacteristic show of affection as he puffed away on a cigarette.

Chibs either didn't notice or didn't care, but Lyla kept smiling at Holly like Happy had just asked her to marry him not ten minutes earlier, which made her want to both vomit and punch Lyla in her face. But the relaxed atmosphere disappeared instantly when Happy growled beside her. "What the fuck are those bitches doing here?"

Holly had to lean back to look around him and when she did, she almost fell in shock. "Oh, what the fuck?"

Chibs and Lyla turned and Chibs paused, cigarette halfway to his mouth. "Friend's of yours, Holly?"

"Hell no," she grumbled. Great, just fucking great. Things were going so well for her for the past week so of course Janet had to fuck it all up, stupid little lemming that she was. And she had been half way to considering Janet a friend up until now. Because there was Janet, trying to look confident and failing miserably as she stood with Cammie Showalter, Heather Neusbaum, and Tiffany Thompson. "Fuck my life with a chainsaw," she muttered into Happy's kutte and he turned to laugh at her colorful language. She gave him a halfhearted glare. "I hate them so much."

"Party crashers then, are they," Chibs whistled out and winked at her, "Don' worry abou' it. They'll scurry on home to their parents in a hour or so. We'll put th' fear o' God in them, we will. Ain't tha' right, Hap?"

Happy just smirked in response and lifted his bottle of beer from where it sat on the bench of the table, taking a long drink. He wiped his mouth off on his bare forearm and followed it up with a long drag from his cigarette. "Don't worry about it."

They watched the group of girls as they crowded into a circle and whispered to one another heatedly. Could it be anymore obvious what they were talking about? Jesus, they looked like such fucking idiots. "Please tell me I don't look half as stupid as they do."

"No' even close," Chibs assured her. Lyla covered her mouth with her hand as she coughed out a laugh. "I know you said they were bad, but shit."

Holly rolled her eyes and turned away. There was a high chance the four of them would stand there and chatter amongst themselves and then leave after an hour and then say they stayed the entire night. Cammie was stupid, but she wasn't so stupid that she wouldn't be able to recognize she wasn't on her turf anymore, right? Maybe? Hopefully? It was a beautiful dream. A beautiful, unlikely dream because now there was giggling.

Holly knew what this looked like, with her sitting wrapped up in one of Happy's arms. And while the image it created in her head made her tingle pleasantly and caused heat to build up in her abdomen and rush down, down, down, it was damning proof of what she'd been denying to Janet for weeks upon weeks and she was so very fucked come Monday morning. Just because she and Happy were seeing each other exclusively didn't mean much outside the club. If anything it meant she was a very kinky prostitute who would fair well if she ever decided to start working for Diosa Norte.

"They're heading this way, so I'm out," Lyla said, holding her hands up in the air and backing away from them. "I'd rather watch Quinn and Tig double-team a crow-eater,"

"Ah, th' good ol' days," Chibs sighed out as he finished off his drink and followed after her. He pinched the blonde's ass and she yelped and slapped his hand away before laughing loudly.

"Traitors," Holly yelled after them as Happy yelled, "Pussies!"

The door slammed shut and Holly huffed out a breath as she stood up and Happy's arm fell away. She felt colder without the contact. She turned to look at him and wasn't at all surprised by the stoic look on his face. "You gonna run away, too?"

"No," she said slowly as he reached forward and tugged her into him, pulling her flush against him. Happy didn't give a shit about anything, least of all a bunch of teenage girls. The booze had gone to his head and all he wanted was to touch Holly Graham. He hummed as he leaned forward and bit her neck and her bare shoulder and she groaned and leaned into him, tilting her head to the side to give him better access.

Holly pulled back and looked up at him with her big, wide eyes and smirked. "Think maybe we should get a room?"

Happy only grunted in response and she trailed on of her long, pale finger along the edge of the front of his kutte. "There are some things I'd like for us to do to each other that I don't think anyone else should be seeing."

It was funny to her how after they'd finally fucked, she wasn't quite so scared anymore. He still made her nervous as fuck, but good, God, she couldn't stop herself from reach out and touching him now.

Happy pushed off the table, holding her at arm's length, and set his bottle down. Then, with a glare, he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, giving her ass a firm smack. "I'm gonna tear you up, Girl."

"I'm counting on it."


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay, so this Chapter was supposed to be done before Thanksgiving and be a little bit longer, but everyone in my house got sick and then I had to take care of a bunch of family members and it's just been awful. Whatever.**

 **As always, you guys' response to this fic is awesome and I appreciate it so much. I probably wouldn't even be getting around to posting this for another two weeks if it weren't for that. But I hate disappointing my readers who go out of their way to give feedback when it's easier to simply go to a different page. You guys are just so amazing.**

 **So. I don't own any SOA characters. Just the ones I created for this story alone. Please read and review at your leisure.**

* * *

13\. Irrational

* * *

Holly now understood why they called alcohol "liquid courage". Lyla had made her some gaudily pink drink that tasted like fruit and sunshine. So she drank three more. And then she danced with Venus and then Tig and then Chibs, who held her like a gentleman, like they were at some fancy ball at a French Chateau in the English countryside, and he being Scottish, she thought maybe he had been to one of those before.

Happy was busy arm-wrestling Quinn and everything was going good. She'd forgotten about the plastic-teenaged monstrosities outside (of course, spending a couple hours in Happy's room had helped with that way before she'd gotten trashed). They'd finally relented and let Lyla take control of the music and it wasn't all classic rock and thrash anymore. You could actually dance now, which was nice because slow-dancing to "Ace of Spades" had been weird.

Somehow, she ended up lying on the picnic table outside with her head in Lyla's lap while they shared a cigarette and giggled about something that probably wasn't as funny as they thought and Lyla was busy playing with Holly's hair after she'd wiped away the black eyeliner smudges from her face.

"You are so my best friend and I love you," she blurted stupidly. It felt like she was floating in a pool and she loved it. She loved everything. Jesus Christ, what had Lyla given her? Her blonde friend cooed down at her and actually teared up. "Oh, I love you, too. You're the best ever."

"No, you are," Holly insisted and she snuggled closer. "Let's be best friends forever."

"Goddamn it, Lyla," someone snapped and the metal door to the clubhouse swung shut loudly. "Did you have to get her that fucking drunk?"

"Don't yell at her, Fuckface," Holly grumbled while sitting up slowly. She scowled up at the dark-skinned man before her. "We were having a moment."

He arched an eyebrow and looked over her shoulder as if his point had been proven. Lyla shrugged helplessly. Holly looked up at him with wide eyes. "I am in _love_ with your tattoos. All of them. I want to _lick_ them."

Lyla burst into laughter then, but Holly ignored her and stared up at her Happy-her Happy? Was that right? She squinted thoughtfully and the stern look on his face was softened as he regarded her with a small amount of confusion. Yes, he was her Happy. Her Happy that needed to be licked. She fiddled with the hem of his shirt. "You should take this off. You don't need it." Staring at Happy when he wasn't wearing a shirt was one of the best parts of her day.

He batted her hands away with less force than he normally would and he definitely looked not so mad as he usually did when she annoyed him. But it didn't stop her from pouting. Well, he was just no fun. He sighed out through his nose, long and drawn out, but there was no angry heat to his dark eyes that still seemed to sparkle in the dim light as he cupped the back of her neck with one large hand and squeezed it, kneading it just the way she liked. She swayed into his grasp and hummed, sighing out, "That's nice. I like you. You're my favorite." And because it seemed like a good idea, she let her body sway right into him and nuzzled her face into his chest.

She could hear Lyla cooing behind her again and Happy's terse, possibly embarrassed, "Shut up," and then she was flying. Kind of. Really, Happy was just picking her up bridal style, but it felt like flying because he wasn't as rough with her as he usually was and Holly felt compelled to tell him how big and strong he was and nuzzled her face into him some more and then she may have passed out.

And that was how Holly remembered it the next day, that she was an affectionate drunk. Which was embarrassing and horrifying when she remembered what had happened outside. She woke up on her stomach in one of Happy's tee-shirts, her face buried in a pillow, and the blinding light of day assaulting her from between the blinds in the window.

Happy's arms was slung over her lower back and while he wasn't exactly cuddling her, he was still a lot closer to her than she would have expected. She propped herself up on her elbows and rubbed her eyes with the heels of her palms. She hissed at the grainy quality they had to them and then whined out a groaned, burying her face back in the pillow.

"Feel like shit, huh?"

She jumped at the sound of his raspy voice and peaked one eye out from the pillow she had her face buried in. She could feel the heat creeping up from the neckline of the shirt she was wearing as it spread into her cheeks and clear up to her hairline. "I am never drinking again."

Happy adjusted the pillow under his head and smirked at her. "So, I'm your favorite, huh?"

She could feel her lip curl in disgust and she snorted. "You are such an ass."

He chuckled and rolled over toward her, pulling her to meet him halfway. She pressed a hand over her mouth and eyed him warily. She probably reeked. What the fuck did he think he was doing? No, he needed to not be right there in her space where he could smell her. He ignored the warning look on her face and reached up to bury his fingers in the rat's nest her hair had become. She gave him a scandalized look and the look he shot her was the only thing keeping her from opening her mouth. "Don't," he ordered. She huffed slightly, irritated, but decided to let him have his way to make up for him having to put up with her the night before. She turned her head away from him and shut her eyes. She was still sleepy and her brain was too sluggish to try to figure out what the hell he was doing.

She only flinched a little bit when he dropped his face into the crook of her neck and squeezed her hip hard with his hand. What the fuck was he doing? Holly was very tempted to shove him off of her now. This was a lot to deal with. Especially with how embarrassed she was. Her face heated up more as she remembered her words. "I'm sorry I got so drunk." It was more than half mumbled and she may have hugged him in a suffocating manner to keep him from looking at her because now he was as tense as she felt, but he half shrugged and his voice wasn't as gruff as usually. He almost sounded...friendly? Normal? Human? "S'okay. Happens. At least you didn't puke."

He bit her neck and pulled away, stretching. "You leavin'?"

"No." Both his eyebrows shot up at that as he stood from the bed. She let out a huff of air and sat up, rubbing her eyes again. "I'm gonna spend some time with Tig later."

Silence settled in around them and any good mood Happy had been in before was gone. She bit the inside of her cheek. Shit. Was he really having that much trouble with Tig? Was he that sensitive about it? Guilt gnawed at her insides and she picked at a crease in the sheet covering her legs. She'd forgotten how awkward and uncomfortable relationships could be. Happy didn't say anything as he disappeared into the bathroom, shutting the door too loudly for it to be accidental. She winced and fell back onto her pillow, grabbing Happy's and pressing it against her face so she could groan her frustrations into it.

She wasn't prepared for the smell of him to fill her senses and make her toes curl and her stomach burn. It was a heady reminder of why she was doing what she was doing. It was wrong and shameful on so many levels and there was a reason people looked down on that sort of thing, but...he wasn't what she thought he would be when they started their relationship and them together wasn't what she thought it would be. It was strangely right.

She inhaled the scent of his pillow again and then put it back. When she sat up, the bathroom door clicked open and Happy was leaning against the doorway. "You smell like a fucking ashtray. Come take a shower with me."

Holly threw back the sheet and hopped out of the bed. "Do I get to lick all your tattoos?"

"If you brush your teeth first."

She smacked him on the ass as she passed him. "You're my favorite."

His eyes were as black as always, but they were brighter than she'd ever remembered having seen them. The door clicked shut behind them and Holly shivered. Happy grinned behind her. Fuck, he sure as hell was her favorite. In every single way.

* * *

Holly slurped at her empty strawberry milkshake and set the Styrofoam to go cup down on the picnic table. Neither she nor Tig could really look at one another. Not after this morning. Not after she'd been caught with her tongue halfway down Happy's throat in the doorway to his room before she left. They'd practically shoved each other away and Holly had punched him in the arm for good measure. He'd instigated that little make out session and she was still really pissed at him for making this even harder on her. Sometimes, he was more trouble than he was worth. Arrogant ass.

Tig was staring off at the playground and he had yet to look at her. It was making her feel ashamed of herself. And dirty. Very dirty and very ashamed. She bit her lip to try not to cry. This should not have been so hard, but she hated talking about what she'd done in the past to cope and she especially hated that she had to tell Tig about it. The only thing that could have been worse was if she'd had to tell Pop. Looking down at the ground, she finally gathered enough courage to speak. "I know what you're thinking."

Tig whirled around to face her and she couldn't for the life of her think of a time he had looked so pissed. "Really, Holly? And just what am I thinking? About how stupid you're being? How fucking naïve you are? I'm thinking a lot of shit right now and none of it is good."

"I know it looks bad-"

He slammed a hand down on the table and she jumped. "It doesn't just look bad, Holly, it is bad! This whole thing is so fucking fucked and you're acting like it's no big deal!"

"I know it's a big deal," Holly exclaimed and she glared to keep from crying. Getting mad was the only thing that might keep her from bursting into tears. "I thought this through, you know. I didn't just decide I was going to do this. Just wake up one day and think 'Oh, Gee, I think I'll start fucking a biker'. I know, Tig, I know it looks bad from the outside and I know nobody gets it and yeah, it may or may not end badly, but I thought it through."

"I don't think you did."

"I know you don't, I know nobody does. But it's not really any of their business, is it?"

"This looks bad on him, too, did you think of that? And if it looks bad on him, it looks bad on the club."

The fucking club, always with the fucking club. Holly really didn't give a shit about club business and did her damn best to stay out of it, but it was always there, infecting parts of her life because of who she chose to surround herself with. It was a real "He-Man Woman Haters" club as far as she was concerned and most days she thought every single one of them could use a real racking in the balls, but who was she to judge? Apparently, she was a biker whore just like Cammie Showalter had everyone calling her at school. Her life was turning into a fucking joke to everyone and she was letting it happen.

"Yeah, I know that and he does, too. We fucking get it. You think we don't see the way everyone's been giving us those fucking looks? Like they've got nothing for other people to judge them for? I'm sorry, but who are you and Chibs dating? You really think people haven't talked shit about either of you? Any of you? Your club owns a porn studio and a glorified bordello."

Tig was starting to turn purple and his jaw was clenched so tightly it looked like it was about to shatter. If it did, she had half a mind to leave him there rather than cart him to the hospital. But she couldn't leave it like this. Tig and Vee had been so good to her and she loved them. They were family now. And she wanted his approval. "I don't want to fight about this."

"Then stop fucking doing it. Just stop. Stay the hell away from Happy." The way Tig spat out his name made her recoil. There was so much anger there. Tig crossed his arms and turned back to stare out at the playground again. She sucked in a breath and clenched her eyes shut for a moment. It was hard talking about this, talking about how she'd willfully run herself into the ground. It was painful and humiliating to remember. But she'd do what it took to fix this.

"Pop started getting sick when I was in middle school. I think even before Nan died, but it wasn't that much, you know." That got Tig's attention, she could tell by the way he tensed and turned his head a fraction of the way in her direction. Holly never talked about her Pop if she could help it and everybody knew it. Her voice was shaky and she almost stopped there, but she had to get it all out. "Like he would just forget something small and you could just say it was something anyone would have forgotten. Then Nan died just out of nowhere. She had a blood clot travel up to her neck and it burst. And his health just-he got worse way quicker. Whole conversations just gone like they never happened. He'd drive to the store to pick up milk and be gone for hours because he forgot where he was going and by the time he remembered, the store had closed. I tried so hard to keep him together and I just couldn't do it. I had to put him in a home my freshman year. It took all of eighth grade to jump through all the hoops. I had to stay in a foster home for awhile. I emancipated myself right before freshman year.

"And it was finally over and I was all alone. I think I lost it." Her voice cracked. "I was so lonely. My parents never wanted me. Nan was gone and then Pop and I was all by myself and I just wanted someone there. Even if it was only for an hour or two. So I started going out every night and getting wasted and I did it over and over. There was so much alcohol and so many boys and not a single one of them cared and I felt so dirty and people were starting to talk. Even the teachers."

"Holly." Tig didn't know what to say. The anger had drained from his voice and somehow, that made it even harder for her. She shook her head and dug the heel of her hand into her eye. "I overheard one of the teachers saying they expected me to wind up pregnant 'any day now' and it woke me up. It was even worse for awhile because I couldn't even really remember any of the guys. I just remember them leaving." She wasn't crying yet, but she was dangerously close. "Happy's the first one that's wanted to stay, that I've wanted to stay. And he just...I don't know, a bunch of other existential bullshit you wouldn't get. Whatever."

Tig sat speechless beside her for a long time. It was a lot to take in for anyone. But she had to keep going. "I know it looks bad because I've looked bad in front of people before and nobody ever lets you forget it when you fuck up. It's bad, but it's not the worst and he could treat me a lot worse, but he doesn't and I know what I've gotten myself into and Happy knows what he's gotten himself into and we're fine with it."

They sat in silence for almost an hour. "So, this thing? It's not just, you know?"

Holly cleared her throat and gave him a look. "No, but we're not gonna get married and have kids if that's what you think the ultimate goal is. That's just fucking stupid. It'll end eventually." Holly turned away abruptly to keep him from seeing her eyes tear up again. Why the hell was admitting that so painful? She'd known it from the beginning. Why was she crying now? Jesus Christ, what was her fucking problem? She swallowed thickly and continued on, "I have college and a career I want. I'm not sacrificing that for the sake of a relationship."

Tig stared at her long and hard before he spoke, but it didn't make her feel any better. In fact, it only made her feel worse. "That's good."

* * *

Holly didn't cry on the way home, but her road rage was at an all time high and she was seriously thinking about trying to get her hands on a gun so she could shoot out the traffic lights in town because, Goddamn they were slower than shit. She needed to get home and do homework or clean or lay on her bed until her skin fused to the mattress and her brain liquefied and she couldn't think anymore because **fuck feelings and everything to do with them.** And fuck everyone for making her question every choice she'd made in the past six or so months.

By the time she pulled onto her street, she was ready to start screaming at the inanimate objects inside her house because they existed and they shouldn't anymore because life sucked and she hated it and everything that came with it and why didn't she think to stop at the store and buy some ice cream or a fucking chocolate bar at the very least? Her refrigerator could go fuck itself for not having come equipped with an ice cream maker. What a useless piece of shit appliance.

She tore into her driveway, slammed the car into park, and stormed out, nearly tripping over a piece of rusted out guttering laying haphazardly on the ground. Stumbling to a stop, she looked up. And there was Happy, pulling down guttering like it was a thing he normally did on the weekends. At her house. Like he fucking lived there. **WHY DIDN'T SHE HAVE ANY FUCKING ICE CREAM. EXCLAMATION POINT. FUCKING _FUCK_. Just. Fuck.**

"Why are you here," she yelled up at him and her anger increased tenfold when all he said was, "Go inside and quit being a bitch."

"Fuck you, asshole," she snapped and slammed in the house. It had taken a lot of very really effort not to shove the ladder he was standing on over. And she already regretted all that effort. Happy really did deserve to be shoved off a ladder some days...most days. All days. Especially today. Where the hell did he get off calling her a bitch?! She ripped open the freezer and scowled at its barren shelving. No ice cream. Not even a half melted popsicle. Did Happy eat her ice cream? She couldn't remember, but he probably had. He was always eating all her food. When was the last time he slept in the clubhouse when she wasn't there?! She yanked open the refrigerator door and stood, staring. The cool blast of air did nothing to cool her down as she looked at the two six-packs sitting on the bottom shelf. She did not have Lyla or Tig or Venus buy those.

She pulled the freezer back open. She didn't buy those frozen steaks. There were fresh apples in the fruit bowl. She didn't buy those, either. She spent five minutes going through all the cupboards as she began to hyperventilate. Since when were they serious enough for him to start buying her groceries?! That wasn't okay! That was not okay at all. Happy Lowman didn't buy groceries or fix guttering. Happy Lowman didn't even _live_ there!

She threw the front door open, already yelling at him. "Who the hell do you think you are, buying my fucking groceries and fixing my guttering? Get the hell off my property, you Goddamn...-just get out of here! I don't want you here today."

It was just her luck that Tig was standing near the ladder, having just arrived home himself. He was now watching her intensely, almost as if he was trying to figure out what the hell he'd put himself in the middle of.

"No." Happy still didn't bother to look at her. "Go back inside, eat a fucking brownie, calm the fuck down, and do your homework."

When Holly didn't move, he finally glanced down at her. "Please."

Well. He'd never said _that_ before. She blinked up at him. "Why are you always in my damn space," she muttered more to herself than to him as she finally stepped back inside and shut the door. But she wasn't going to eat a brownie or do homework or any number of productive things besides cry. She could hear Sully barking outside and cried harder. He loved Happy more than her and that wasn't fair.

She crawled into her bed and pulled the covers over her head, sniffling as her shoulders shook and she tried not to wail pitifully. Ugh, it had to be that time of month, right? Talking to Tig couldn't have turned her into this much of a mess, could it? God, she hated emotions so much. She heard the front door open and she rubbed at her face furiously. No way in hell was she ever going to let that prick she was screwing know she even knew how to cry. Then she tried to roll herself into a blanket burrito, which was only halfway successful because she was too busy panicking over those sound of his footsteps walking through the living room.

She flinched when he patted her head roughly through the covers on his way past the bed and then shut himself into the bathroom. The shower kicked on and she was immediately alarmed once again. Buying groceries, replacing gutters, and showering? What if he tried to... _make dinner again?_ She couldn't handle this. Not at all. There was a lot more going on in this relationship than she thought there needed to be. And she had a lot on her plate already, school, graduation, her college applications, Pop's medical bills, work...not to mention Global Warming. Well, she wasn't as concerned about that last one as she felt she should be, but she would have been if it weren't for Happy deciding to bust her personal bubble and insert himself into her life without her noticing it. She narrowed her eyes. Just like those damn Aliens Sigourney Weaver was always trying to kill off. They just kept popping up everywhere, out of the shadows all dark and intimidating. Shoving their tongues in you and then making your chest explode. Maybe he was some hybrid Alien/Body snatcher thing and the real Happy who only ever sat on her couch and drank beer and smoked pot was viscous ooze somewhere in Charming. _That_ would make sense.

Eventually, the shower shut off and a few minutes later, Happy emerged. She couldn't stop herself from peeking out from under her covers even if her eyes were red and swollen. "Are you an alien?"

Happy gave her one of his looks and she let her eyes trail down his naked torso. He was only wearing his boxers and jeans. She narrowed her eyes again. He was up to something. She scooted to the far side of the bed. But he paid her no mind as he collapsed on the side nearest to him and folded his arms behind his head. She jerked up right, eyes wide with alarm. "What the hell are you doing?"

Happy studied her intently for a moment and then seemed to come to some sort of conclusion that caused him physical pain because he shrugged in the most violent way possible and looked anywhere but at her. "You're crying. Being supportive and shit."

"I have not been crying."

He gave her another look, still silent as ever. She clenched her jaw. "I haven't."

"You really need to get over this shit," he muttered darkly, chomping on the toothpick in his mouth. He crossed his arms over his chest and continued to stare into space. She flopped back down on the bed and the longer they lay there in silence, the less angry she was. Now she just felt extremely uncomfortable and nervous. But crying was exhausting and eventually, she passed out. When she came to, the television was on in the living room and the house smelled like...pizza?

She rolled away onto the other side of the bed. She wasn't hungry. But she was definitely still confused and sad and not at all okay with how the day had gone. She could hear Happy chomping noisily on pizza in the living room as he watched..."Tangled"? It made her smile despite herself and her anger drained away in nearly an instant. Maybe she was being overly sensitive or maybe, she was just bad at being angry at him. Who knew? She didn't and she didn't care anymore.

Wrapping the comforter all the way around herself, she shuffled into the living room and settled down beside him, laying head on his shoulder. He didn't even spare her a glance, but she didn't need him to. "M'sorry. I had a bad day and I took it out on you."

"S'aright," he muttered back and she kissed his jaw before grabbing the slice of pizza out of his hand and taking a bite of it herself. She handed it back to him and he was smirking at the television. "I really like this movie."

She licked her pizza covered lips and snuggled closer into his side until he finally wrapped his arm around her (he may have rolled his eyes). "Me too."


End file.
